Last night’s dream was very vivid, and I felt its message was something I needed to hang on to. In the dream, I am near a large cenote. I can clearly see its circular shape. The eye of the cenote is deep dark and black at its core. I somehow know the treasure is buried there at the deepest point in the center. My sister Grace stands at the edge of the cenote at some distance to where I am viewing the dream. We are both aware of the existence of the treasure, but I know she being closest to it, will be reluctant to descend to its depths to retrieve it on her own. She is fearful and doubts her ability. I think she also doesn’t want to get wet and probably doesn’t know how to swim. I somehow know I hid the treasure here. Its mine to reclaim but I have to go there and retrieve it myself.
This vision I had around March of 2020 when my son was about 7 months old. I didn’t have time to journal it back then but it stuck with me. It was during a very difficult time for me and my son. My son was diagnosed failure to thrive and pretty much struggled to gain weight. He never drank more than 3 ounces of milk at a sitting so I was having to feed him every three hours during the night. His weight dropped to below 1% on the growth chart from about the time he entered daycare at 6 weeks old to the present. To this day, he is still below the bottom line on the chart but now it has simply become his normal. His poor eating was and is a source of so much anxiety for me. Thankfully I worry much less about it now than then. He was also extremely colicky as a baby and had very bad reflux and vomiting. I used to even feed him with a small syringe. Nothing I tried was worked. In March of 2020, he spent 2 weeks in the hospital where they ran all sorts of tests to figure out what was the cause of his poor eating but none of the tests revealed anything out of the ordinary. They had him on a nasal feeding tube during his stay but he showed no weight gain. They finally told me a feeding tube would not be of any help in his situation. My routine at the time was to feed him his bottle of milk every 3 hours during the night (9PM, 12AM, 3AM, 6AM). I’d set my alarm wake up, prep his bottle, change his diaper, feed him which took 30 – 45 min, burp him which took another 15 -25 minutes. I would pray he wouldn’t throw up and I dared not put him to bed too soon or I’d potentially be cleaning up vomit from the bedsheets. During this time I’d get about an hour and a half of sleep at best if I was lucky between feedings. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. This was also around the time Covid hit so I was afraid to call on anyone for help. I was seriously doubting my ability as a parent to do this by myself.
On one of these very difficult nights, I seriously contemplated surrendering him at the fire department. I simply could not do it any longer. 8 months of this round the clock routine was more than I could bear. I was forever calling my sister crying telling her I simply couldn’t do it. She would do her best to encourage me. Once I called my niece Daisy complaining and she told me there are no take backs. Her words stuck to me like super glue. She said, I needed to continue forward at all costs. She did assure me it would get better in time. With the Covid scare, I couldn’t really ask for help as everyone was sheltering for their own safety. I also didn’t want to admit defeat. There was also the fact that when Oliver was 6 weeks old on his very first day at daycare I had a knock at the door. I had dropped him off at 8am and by 10am that same day there was this knock on my front door. The woman identified herself as a social worker with Child Protection Services. She said she was investigating an urgent call that someone had seen me at a street gathering and noticed my newborn child was underfed. They believed I was withholding formula from the child. I felt violated. How would anyone assume that without even examining him or asking me about it. The street gathering was our annual street Halloween gathering where we close the block we live on to traffic and the neighbors bring food and music and we all socialize. We even build a wonderful bonfire and roast marshmallows at night. My sister was visiting me during this event and she walked around carrying little Oliver and visiting with neighbor. At 6 weeks he was not yet showing any signs of failure to thrive. It wasn’t until after starting daycare that he was constantly bringing home colds and viruses that his weight dropped. That situation eventually resolved itself with them speaking to my pediatrician and the daycare personnel but it left me unable to trust anyone. Child Protection Services would not disclose who reported me but they said once a report is made they are obligated to investigate. They went through my house looking for any sign of neglect. They made me show them all the breast milk I had in the freezer, his formula in the cupboards, his cloths, and where he slept. It was completely humiliating. That said, It left me more alone than ever.
Going back to the night of the vision, with all this on my chest I held him in my arms crying feeling completely defeated and abandoned. I sat there rocking him back and forth and drifted off into a dream vision where I could see our space where we sat in the basement. The vision was what you might call a false awakening where everything was as it is in real life. I then noticed a woman in a picture frame across from me motion for me to come toward her. Thinking this might be someone who has come to help me I sat up a bit and tried to focus my sight beyond where she stood to see what she was drawing my attention to. In the distance I could see a man with a very large and heavy duffle bag over his shoulder. He had his back toward me and was walking away from me. His walk seemed to pull me with him. I quickly realized I was the man in the distance. I could sense his fatigue and the great pressure he was under.
In my sleep I was still rocking Oliver back and forth. As I rocked to and fro, in one direction and then the other my surrounding would change slightly. I perceived in front of me the path I walk and the choices I take. With every rock the path before me revealed the outcome of those choices. In my peripheral vision, I could see the steps coming down to the basement where we sat. On those steps would appear the shoes of the people who would walk upon them. If I moved right or left the position and number of shoes would change. I wondered who’s shoes these were. I could tell by the size that some of the shoes were those of children but there were multiple pairs of child shoes so who in addition to Oliver could these shoes belong to? There were also multiple pairs of adult shoes. Each pair of shoes uniquely identified one person. Even if one of the adult pair of shoes were those of a future partner of mine there were simply too many shoes. I also knew my shoes would not appear there since I stood in my shoes.
I also knew there is no way I could have another child given the difficulties I was having raising Oliver so there had to be another explanation. I had 9 remaining embryos after Oliver. Originally, I would have loved to have a second baby so that Oliver would not be alone after I’m gone. I thought maybe I needed to look further into my peripheral vision for clues about the shoes. I strained to look beyond the steps and into the closet where I could see the cloths that hung in the closet. I could see cloths hanging in the closet but nothing I saw clarified the shoes. I looked carefully and noticed a few items hanging in the closet that did not seem to belong to me or Oliver. Why would I not know our own cloths? I expected I should know all the cloths in my closet but there were a few new ones that did not seem to belong to me.
Not gaining much insight with the closet, I then looked to the hallway and the curtain which hung on the wall. In the design of the curtain I could see the children playing and the adults gathering at feasts. I could also see in the heavens reflected in the top of the curtain and those who watch over us.
Seeing the children play and the family gatherings, I knew I could not give up on Oliver. My niece’s word rang repeatedly in my head. I don’t think I could have ever given up on Oliver but it definitely crossed my mind as an option. It was then also that I knew I needed to pursue putting the remaining embryos up for adoption. These little snowflake babies were meant to come into the world and I needed to facilitate that process. I knew the Universe would send the perfect parents to adopt these snowflakes. I knew those snowflakes would visit someday and it would be their shoes and their parents shoes who would visit me. I knew we would all be family.
This dream became reality with our 1st Chosen Family Reunion on July 29th, 2022. Donating these embryos I had no idea what to expect. How soon would I see the children? How often would I see them? Would it only be in photographs? Would I need to wait until they were old enough to make their own decisions to be visit with Oliver and I? Would anyone even want my remaining embryos given my age and HIV status? What I did have was unwavering faith in my dreams. They have always guided me down my path. They have never guaranteed an easy road but they have never let me down.
I was shocked and I mean shocked when Jennifer offered one day to come visit us for a few days. I was also shocked when Miako offered to visit us on the anniversary of our initial visit, the day we first met in person. Given Jennifer, Kal and Simone were coming to visit I of course extended an opportunity for Miako, Kai and Linden to visit with us during that time. In the course of conversation about the visit, Miako mentioned that she would need to put Linden down for a nap but that she wanted to reengage with us to maximize the visit. That’s when I thought why not invite Miako to stay here at the house for the 3 days during Jennifer’s visit. I figured it didn’t hurt to ask. To my total and utter shock Miako said it was an awesome idea. I knew in that moment this dream which I have held close to my heart would be fulfilled and I needed to honor the dream by having them all walk down the steps to the basement and sharing the dream with them. I am a man with many stories and many dreams and when they intersect with life wonderful and amazing things happen.
I can’t say I understand every detail of my dreams many pieces remain mysteries that unfold in time. I am always left with a general sense of knowing that I am following the right path by aligning my life to my dreams. With this one I knew I would find the strength to make it through on that difficult night. For example the cloths in the closet I can’t say I understood that. But coincidentally after sharing all this with everyone, Jennifer gave Oliver and Linden each a pajama. I took the pajama which was on a hanger said thanks and proceeded to bring it downstairs to hang it in the closet. When the hanger touched the closet rod the sound of the hanger hitting the rod rang like chimes in heaven. There I was looking at the item of clothing in my dream that I was unfamiliar with. It was very much a deja-vu. I knew in that moment that I got this one right. I am on the right path and our lives are as they were meant to be.
Later after I had returned from dropping Jennifer and Kal off at the airport. Miako and Kai were still here at the house. We had breakfast together and before they left I thought about giving them some of Oliver’s old shoes, hand-me-downs for Linden to wear. I thought about the shoes on the stairs and I thought about the shoes that were in the entrance of my house where everyone had taken off their shoes to come inside. Removing your shoes is not a practice I do normally. It seemed to be another wink and nod from the Universe.
In last night’s dream, I find myself reading a page of text. I notice when viewing the text at a certain angle the words seem to have an added dimension and beneath the text is a string of subtext. I share my finding with others around me but they don’t seem to believe what I am saying. They tell me to go work with the text more. I then try to repeat the reading of the text to see if I can recreate what I saw before. This time as the text reveals the added dimensions I realize now in my surroundings appear the people whose story lines are being described by the text. I begin talking with these individuals and they unlike the others do recognize what I am sharing with them. We seem to be part of the same mission and objective as they understand the subtext.
Dream taken from: IN THE COURSE OF A DREAM EMANUEL FOR LOVE page 98
ANGELS AND SPIRIT GUIDES
I am at a county fair where we are guests at a hotel. One of the rooms in the hotel has dining tables that are laid out with orange and red tablecloths. Each table has a center piece that is garnished with pieces of dried fruit. Adjacent to this room is an outdoor white cloth tent where they store fruit that they have grown organically. Each type of fruit is stored in its own personal wooden crate. It reminds me of something you might see displayed at Pottery Barn, except that at Pottery Barn they might be selling fruit scented candles individually packed in their own little crates. By force of habit, I take the bug spray and spray the fruit. I am told that I do not need to do that because the fruit grown here does not have bugs. I am thinking I might have spoiled their organic crop. I realize my mistake and quickly discard the bug spray. Far away in an adjacent tent, I can see that there is a black lioness who is giving birth to her cub. I felt a tap on my shoulder which caused me to awaken suddenly.
As I opened my eyes, beside me was the figure of an old bearded man who sat in a lotus position on my bed. I instantly recognized the man to be Sri Yukteswar, who was the Guru of Paramahansa Yogananda, who in turn was the founder of the Self Realization Fellowship. I was a student of SRF many years ago when I first ventured away from my Christian upbringing. I had studied with them for about two years but never went through with their Kriya Yoga initiation. It was through the lessons of SRF and their many references back to the Bible and other scriptures that gave me a renewed and fresh appreciation for scripture. They helped me recognize God as one and the same across all religions. Sri Yukteswar began talking to me about the universe and how the number of the universe was 4. I could clearly see his lips moving but I heard no sound. I laid there puzzled, wondering why of all people Sri Yukteswar. I could understand finding Paramahansa on my bed but not Sri Yukteswar. I knew very little about him other than that he was Paramahansa’s Guru. He kept talking and talking and making facial expressions. I kept trying to tell him in my mind that I could not hear him. “I can’t hear you; I can only see your lips move.” He would respond, “Yes you can.” I would tell him again, “No, I’m sorry but I can’t hear you; I can only see your lips moving.” He would patiently reply yet again, “Yes, you can hear me.” Looking back in hindsight, I realize that even though I did not hear anything audibly with my ears, I did apparently receive his message telepathically, otherwise how would I have known what his responses were and his message to me about the properties of the universe. I did not know how that bit of information would help me until much later when it became apparent that much meaning is hidden in astrology and numerology. He finally faded and I rolled over and fell back to sleep.
A couple hours later, I awoke suddenly to again find him standing beside my bed asking me for the time. I looked at my wrist watch but since I was not wearing my glasses, I could not read the time on my watch. Instead, I held out my arm and tapped my index finger on the face of my watch, indicating for him to look at it for himself. He apparently did not want to make the effort himself to look at it but instead wanted me to tell him the time. Knowing he was not going to leave me alone until I told him the time, I sat up in bed to look over at my alarm clock, which sat on the nightstand on the other side of my bed. The digital clock read 5:45am. “It’s 5:45am.”
This was the morning for sudden awakenings because for a third time I would be roused yet again and with magic and grace given a code by which I would confirm the existence of my guardian angel. I had been in a dream where I was with a group of friends. One of my friends named Jennifer had taken a special interest in me. (In real life, I do not have a friend named Jennifer) She gave me a cell phone that had her phone number preprogrammed in it so that I could call upon her any time I needed her for any reason. She then showed me how, by simply pushing a single button, it would autodial and connect me with her. As I was standing there with her, she pushed the button to test the phone. In that same moment in real life, I awoke suddenly. Without even thinking, I reached over to grab my voice recorder to record the details of the dream I had just had regarding the preprogrammed cell phone. As I got to the part where I recorded, “….and she tested it by pushing the button like this,” my real phone on my nightstand rang. The sound of the phone ringing was captured on my voice recorder. I did not answer it because it was too early in the morning so I assumed it had to be a wrong number. I also did not correlate the testing of the preprogrammed cell phone with the synchronicity of my real phone ringing at precisely the same time. It was not until later that day when I went to journal my dream into my computer that I replayed my voice recording and heard the phone ringing in the background. Then the synchronicity behind it all hit me.
Mysteriously, ever since then whenever I have dreamt about my guardian angel and have gone to journal the dream, the message indicator on my cell phone would beep to let me know that I have a message. It would beep at precisely the right time and not as a result of having been moved such that it had come into cell range. I did not know if my cell phone was faulty, but it could go the entire day and not beep at all to let me know that I have a message. It always beeped at precisely the right time to let me know my guardian angel was with me. We are the fruit of the vine. We are spirit having a human experience. That experience can never adversely affect our spirit no matter what it is that we experience. We are bug-proof. Our fruit may dry and be boxed away but our mother, the lioness, is continually giving birth to its cubs.
Since that dream, I have learned from one of my spirit guides that Jennifer, whose name is actually Guinevere (which means “white fay” or “white ghost”), is in fact my guardian angel. I have one spirit guide named Felicity who is around me all the time. She reminds me of my older sister. She has shoulder length straight hair and short bangs down to her eyebrows. Her hair curls forward as it comes to rest upon her shoulders. She has a signature trait of closing her eyes and softly shaking her head from side to side like in the shampoo commercials. In the etheric world, her hair moves with great body and bounce as if in slow motion. Every time I see her, she does her signature move as it has a way of pacifying me. As I am sure you might be wondering, I would like to share here how I came to know their names. For a long time, I did not know. I just recognized my spirit guides as nameless, simply having seen them before. It happened one day in a guided meditation that was ironically titled, “Channeling Your Spirit Guides.” While focused inward on my third eye in that meditation, I had a vision where my spirit guide came and did the little thing she always does with her hair. I had my headphones on, listening to the guided meditation, and on the recording as if on queue it said, “If you should see any of your spirit guides simply ask them their name.” So I did. To my surprise, I heard a voice say, “My name is Felicity.” Shocked, yet knowing I had to take advantage of this moment, I asked her to please also tell me the name of my guardian angel, to which I heard the voice say, “Don’t you remember? Her name is Jennifer and she is the one that calls you on the phone.” I had not equated Jennifer with an angel. In the dream she appeared simply as a person and not as an angel. Recalling the memory of Jennifer from the dream and the times when my guardian angel had appeared, it suddenly rang true. I had a moment of clarity and I remembered all the places I had seen her in visions and dreams and I knew Felicity was telling the truth. She was the same person. Angels do not always appear in visions or dreams in their winged form. They come to teach a lesson and will appear in whatever form necessary to carry the intended message. One must look to the soul of the person or spirit to know who is there.
This dream needs a bit of background context to understand some of it’s meaning. I have a son which i had through surrogacy in real life. I ended up with unused embryos after having him. I’ve since donated to two separate families. The two mammas just so happened to cycle at the exact same time so it just so happened their embryos were implanted 30 minutes apart at the same fertility clinic on the same day. One of the two embryos came to visit with me in the dream last night. It is the family from Maryland which is here local to where I live. I feel their presence yet they were not actually in the dream. Instead the dream placed the child in the care of a local family I knew in DC some years back.
While visiting with the family and the child, I quickly recognize I am in a dream because I have not seen this family in a very very long time. I am thrilled to see and commune with my biological child for the first time. I stay as long as possible probably too long because I am now having trouble distinguishing this reality from what I remember of my waking state. I struggle without success to wake up. The dream is continuing for a long time. I am worried my dog will not have anyone to take him out to pee.
Their apartment number is 400 and is located in a very large complex with elevators. Since the dream doesn’t seem to want to end I don’t want to over stay my visit so I get ready to leave. I must have stayed all night because they too are getting ready to start their work day and go about their business. I continue to try to awaken from the dream but am unable to do so.
I decide to leave their apartment unit and head down the elevator. While in the elevator, I realize I mistakenly picked up the wrong wallet. Looking inside the wallet I can tell the identification card is not a DC license instead it is black and white. This can’t possibly be my license and I do not want to be seen as a pick pocket. I need to return to the unit to recover my wallet. A security guard is nearby and offers to walk back with me. I am doubtful I alone can find my way back to apartment #400. While walking she is called to an emergency and is now unable to escort me the remainder of the distance.
Now on my own. I turn corners not knowing where I am going wishing I could simply wake up. I wonder if my earthly life has ended as this reality seems just as real to me. I turn one corner down a hallway where the child stands at the end of the corridor in the distance. The child is now a youth in its teen years. I am told it is time for First Communion (an apparent reference to Christianity).
I am awestruck seeing the child in its youth wearing a white flowing robe with subtle specks of rainbow 🌈 colors. I feel this is an affirmation of the love for gay culture I’ve passed down to the child. The child seems to know my search for my identity and hands me a certificate. It is a Deed of Trust. I look carefully at the red seal affixed to the certificate. I’m instructed to open it which I do breaking the seal to expose the signatures. I am somewhat shocked with the authenticity of the document. The shock wakes me up. I gasp for air as my awareness places me in my bedroom with Oliver by my side.
No I don’t have a dog but I do have a diaper to change.
Last night’s dream came in the middle of the night. It was 2 am when I woke up to take Oliver to the potty. I had fallen asleep with Oliver when I put him to bed at 9 pm. I usually wake up once during the night to take him to the bathroom. After I put him back to bed, I was having a hard time falling back to sleep. At some point, I started dreaming again but I still felt like I was having trouble falling asleep. I was far from a deep relaxed state. With the dream starting it created a fully lucid state. The dream imagery was incredible.
I am filled with incredible power to do just about anything. I feel like I have the power to move mountains. I can command the dream to do anything go in any direction create spectacular light shows, ANYTHING! There are others materializing in the dream. They begin witnessing my power to command the dream.
With the people materializing and knowing I am in a fully lucid state, I decide to look closely at their faces. Faces are very elusive in dreams if I am able to remember them at all. Given my lucid state, I decide to inconspicuously examine them to see if I can experience something new. The people around me are strong and powerful. I discover all of them to be wearing veils covering their faces. I can clearly see the material the veils are made of but not their faces. The veils are an an iridescent blue color. There is one dark skinned woman who is wearing her hair in a bun. She is the only one not hiding her face. Her face is different from any face I have ever seen. I study the difference and determine the difference to be that fact that she only has one large eye in the middle of her head. She too is very powerful. I wonder to myself if she unlike the others possibly forgot to veil her face.
I continually check to see if I am still in command of the dream. I also now struggle to stay aware of my lucid state. We move with great speed. I come upon a beach. I recognize it as a place where many come to lay and stretch on the warm sands to renew themselves. I notice something very unusual. There are no footsteps on the beach. The sands are like those along the beach where the tide’s ebb and flow smooths the sand it leaves behind.
Along the beach dune is a message someone left in the sand. It is a message for me. I have so much which I have committed to memory to try to bring back I feel I can’t possibly take back the entire message written in the sand. In the message is the image of a heart. In that moment, I hear someone call my name. I startle in surprise. Who here knows my name.
I am embolden. I feel I know this beach and path well. I command the dream to take me where I know to go. We fly over communication lines and I see people stretching on the beach. I know how exactly how to navigate this stretch of beach.
I then find myself in a place above all overlooking the beach. It is a house with huge floor to ceiling windows. The windows are not enough to shield my ecstasy and sexual energy. I hear myself climax. I hear others respond to my cries of ecstasy. I am unaware anyone could hear me.
This dream I had yesterday but it seemed to be situated in the same place as last nights so I figured they may be related. In the first dream, I am with a group of people in a building. I notice everyone has what looks like soap suds stuck on them in different places. The soap suds are sticky so they are clinging on to their cloths. I don’t think much of it as I assume it is just normal for this place. As my visit with these people nears an end my role in their dimension is partially revealed. I seem to be an authoritative figure here even though I am not found here all the time. For this reason, they wear the soap suds so as to have me be a part of them always. The suds seem to be part of my biological material. I still have a bit of time before I need to leave so I decide to look around. I walk though a waiting room were a woman is seated. I recognize her as someone I’ve known in the past. I’m split on the one hand with the desire to explore and on the other a curiosity to say hello to the woman. The choice seems to be made for me and the woman calls out my name stopping me in my tracks. It isn’t common for me to hear my name called in dreams. I am obviously aware of the dream state. I stop and am told that my people have been somewhat displaced as they didn’t believe I was coming back. I respond by saying what do you mean. Of course I’m coming back, I’m here aren’t I? She explains further. From her supplication and knowing she was placed in the waiting room without reason, I take matters in my own hand. For some reason, I believe I have the power to correct the situation.
Time seems to stand still as I reach in and make myself known. I decide to leverage the soap suds as that must be what they are for. I impress my desire with focused thought directing them to what needs to be done. There are some actions only I can take and must take to set the record straight.
Sitting contemplating the situation on how to respond someone brings to my awareness the fact that my partner has left me. Left me?? Even though I don’t have a partner in real life I seem to know who they are talking about. I respond, “He couldn’t have left me I still have his wallet.” To prove it, I reach into my pocket and pull out his wallet and open it to find his identification card. I focus carefully on his name. Knowing I am in a dream and knowing this is a true moment of potential enlightenment where I can bring something back to my waking life I read the name very carefully. I can see the name and read it clearly. I try my best to commit it to memory. I am then drawn to a picture in his wallet. It is a picture of his daughter. He couldn’t have left without taking his wallet given such a precious item remaining in it. This too I must correct.
I set out to fix these items or show that he is still with me. I walk over to a kiosk on the other side is a person who seems to be the gatekeeper for those boarding a ship. She seems to imply I am without means of passage. Feeling as if I am this place and quite emboldened I notice she has a wad of cash sitting on the counter. I remark well it would be of no effort for me to take the wad since it is mine anyways. I reach over and grab it placing it in my wallet. The wallet can barely hold the cash and my pocket is overflowing. I believe the money could be useful to me at a later time but I need somewhere to store it until I return.
I return to where I was earlier and recall a hotel nearby. I know I need to do something quite unexpected. Something contrary to the normal course this dream would have taken. I decide to rent a room in the hotel and use the safe to store the money until I return.
Once in the hotel I put the money away and notice someone left two baseball caps on the dresser. Something in me knows these caps contain the authority I need to recover. I quickly pick one up and as I do it begins to glow a luminescent blue. I quickly place the baseball cap on my head. I will need to find someone trustworthy to wear the second cap so I place it in my back pocket. As I get ready to leave the dream I sense time is now passing. The dream begins to shift like a portal that will bring me back to my bed but I have to calculate the the perfect reentry point. The point I calculate is one level below me. As the two dimensions cross I make the leap.
I then awoke in my bed.
June 26, 2021
The next night I had another dream this one seemed to follow the last. I find myself in a very similar space with knowledge of the prior night’s dream. I probably remembered it clearly because I kept repeating it in my head over and over again. I wanted to journal it and didn’t have time to record it.
In this dream, I am with the same group of coworker those people who are closely associated with me. I’m not sure who everyone is I just know to be respectful of everyone because they are my people. There is a man who seems to be the guy in charge or the person who will serve as my immediate supervisor on this next project. I know this because he is wearing a blue cap. He is a very handsome man. The quarters are tight we seem to be in the hotel room I rented. We are all sitting in the room some finding space laying on the bed and some on the floor. We are resting in advance of our time to start the job. The man is lying right next to me. Since there is little free space on the bed our bodies at times touch. I feel his energy and I desire to touch him back but not knowing him well I want to respect him. We have a long conversation mostly about work and the project we have undertaken. In our conversation a few personal details are leaked. He tells me he has a daughter which he had through surrogacy. I am amazed because I to have a child as a result of surrogacy. I wonder how he finds the time to do his job and be a parent at the same time. I can see the hair on his neck and I so desire to give him a hug and cuddle him. I feel very close to this person.
I then feel the urgent need to pee and unable to hold it anymore I wake up to get out of bed. It is 5am. Oliver is laying on the bed next to me with his head pressed against my shoulder. I think to myself it must be Oliver photobombing my dream. I need to change Oliver’s diaper and sit him on the potty. I do all these and return to bed. I immediately reenter the dream. I can see the etheric embers of the dream coming together. I see we are exactly midway between sunrise and sunset. I lay on the side of the setting sun and the man with the cap lays on the side of the rising sun. I take careful note of how the dream works. How it all comes together and wonder if I can slip through the ethers for a quick adventure. It occurs to me that this is must be my so called partner who I was aware of from the night before. It all make sense now. (In the dream it seemed to make sense but not sure I understand it in waking life. ) The man seems to know my desire to explore. He seems to know the mechanics of the dream better than I do and motions his next move for me. He then jets into the direction of the ethers and I quickly follow. We descend deep within the dream . The colors are spectacular. I know the direction to head because I can see the glow of his cap.
Last night I had a dream where I am wanting to be part of the people who have gathered. I’m directed to a seat in the living room. The seats offered to me are not prime seating. It looks like wooden crates and a bench seat. I have mixed feelings around the seating offered but I see a woman in the distance who I recognize. The seating turns out to work perfectly because it affords me time to visit with my cousin who is seated nearby in the corner. She is holding a baby.
It occurs to me that this may be one of her grandchildren. She must be able to read my thoughts and offers an explanation. She tells me this is her daughter-in-law’s baby girl. She was born just 2 days ago. Her daughter-in-law is resting following the birth.
I then ask her if this is her second child to which she respond yes this is her second baby girl.
~~~~~~~ DREAM ENDS
This dream occurred before 1am because I woke up to go to the bathroom to pee and change my son’s diaper. I was struck by the dream. Why did the dream describe the relationship from the perspective of my cousin’s daughter-in-law? It seemed so formal. Why didn’t she simply say it was her son’s baby or her granddaughter? I also found it interesting that the baby was presented to me from the perspective of my cousin who is once removed from the baby. My relationship to her son is also a once removed cousin.
This whole dream has very strong messages regarding my remaining embryo’s which I’m donating out to families. In some way I feel it was trying to describe the relationships I will have to my biological children those embryos I’m donating hoping to establish open relationships between the children.
I’ve been pondering the dream from 2008 called My Mother’s Name is Penny. In that dream I believe the little boy was Oliver coming to me to share with me the things he was sent with namely the collection of postage stamps in his pocket. Following his coming into my life, I have always seen the postage stamps as the snowflake embryos he came with. His siblings that need to be delivered to their intended recipients. The stamps need to stick on envelopes addressed to the intended recipients. I have the responsibility to see that they are sealed and properly addressed.
As I type this it is remarkable the synchronicity in wording. Intended recipient is the exact terminology used when donating embryos and babies are delivered. The stamps need to stick to9 the envelope like an embryo needs to stick to a uterus do develop and be delivered in birth. Maybe the seal is the open embryo adoption contract as they say to seal the deal.
When I was done changing Oliver’s diaper I thought about recording my dream but I was simply too tired to do that so I tried my best to commit it to memory. I knew it was dream that had to be journaled since I have been struggling with letting go of these babies. I really can’t have them all myself but I often wondered if God intended me to have a second one. Given the dream I of the stamps I think it is clear they are destined to be sent out and addresses to others. I think this dream describes the relationships I can hope to establish.
Last night I had a dream. I’ve not had much time to journal dreams these days with the responsibility of taking care of Oliver. This dream literally struck me on the head. In the dream I have a visitor to my front door. He has been standing out there for some time but I simply had not realized it. Time seems to have stopped as I consider the problem presented. Why did I not realize there is a visitor at my door? I examine the door from the inside and look around my area as if to find the cause of the problem. I can’t seem to find the cause.
With the visitor paused in time I decide to simply open the door. I say, “Hello”, to which he replies, “I think you need a door bell.”
~~~ The dream ends there.
I didn’t think anything of the dream until while vacuuming the house I was trying to get the dust over the door frame in the kitchen when all of the sudden the the door bell cover fell on my head.
This is a two part dream which I had on two separate nights but I felt it was a continuation. On the 15th I had a dream where I am with Oliver. I am carrying him in my arms. He sees someone which only his eyes can see. Although I can’t see what Oliver sees I do feel the presence of someone and at some level my inward senses can make out details of the man. Oliver seems alarmed as if he wants me to know there is someone there. I am receiving flashes of details of the man. He stands before us with dark hair a beard and a hairy chest.
Should I be scared? Should I be cautious? Should I retreat? After careful consideration of the situation, I retreat a few steps to comfort Oliver hugging him tight and letting him know I am aware of the situation.
August 17th, 2020
I am alone this time in the dream. Now I have had a chance to know the man fully. We are in very close proximity and very intimate. I can actually feel his beard against my cheek. I know it is time to leave to wake up. A summary of our visit comes streaming in to my waking consciousness. It is as if I have been evaluating this person to decide whether I “like” him. My departing words to him are: “I would marry you.”
These words come from a deep subconscious place because when my waking self hears my thoughts being expressed I am puzzled, “Why would you want to marry anyone?” Memories of my last relationships are brought to the forefront. “Are you not better off alone?”
In resolving this dichotomy within me I can only surmise that only the man in my dream is worth knowing.
My alarms sounds as I feel Oliver’s stare. He is sitting up in bed waiting for me to wake up.