May 31, 2018
I am at a boys school or camp where we are staying. I am told my dog has a skin tag that needs to be removed. I am given instructions on removing it. Tie a knot and cut off the excess. I do as instructed but the surgery doesn’t go well. After the surgery my dog’s vision is tested and the focal point is off. He is now near sighted and won’t be able to see clearly. I will have to attend to his needs to teach him where his food is and where and how to pee.
I am laying in bed. I sit up for a minute to get something out of my backpack. I’m not sure what I’m looking for. Rummaging through the bottom of the backpack I find a $20 dollar bill. Thinking it is my lucky day, I continue looking through the bottom of the bag. I uncover a second roll of $20 dollar bills. I am wondering where it came from. Sitting up in bed I look around and notice Joe my ex is laying in the bed beside me. I think the money might have been placed there by Joe who owes me money for having damaged my credit. I feel warm inside and as the opportunity presents itself a cuddle opportunity with him I lay behind him and spoon him from behind.
May 27, 2018
I am the co-producer of a movie actually more like the technical director of the movie. Hillary Clinton is in the movie playing one of the parts. She has to travel from Los Angeles to DC. When I see her I know she had to travel all that distance to get here and is apparently in good shape. She is refreshed and ready to go. She is not one for detail so I have to explain the technicalities to her such that she is able to carry out only her actions. For her to remember more is simply ineffective. Plus I don’t want to tell her too much about the movie because there are a lot of sex scenes so it is best to just tell her the technical details of her scenes.
I am now on a coffee break with my friend Sasha, she is here on a short term assignment. I am looking through the pastry cart at the offerings available. The coffee smells delicious. There are so many pastries to choose from. I spot a double decker pastry I like. I reach for the dish with one hand while pouring my coffee with the other. At the same time, I’m chatting with Sasha. Distracted I look down at my pastry and realize it has changed. I am frustrated because I want the other one I chose. I internalize a thought that says to me, “I should have known the dream would change the scene on me, (apparently I am aware I am in a dream).” I slap the pastry dish down on the counter to look for the one I desire. I feel it is near me. I look and look and look, turning around several times to find it. I sense it is close but I don’t see where it might be or who might have taken it from me. I feel they are playing a hide and seek or bait and switch games with me. It occurs to me to check my pockets. I reach behind me and in my back pocket are the pastries of my desire in perfectly wrapped single servings portioned out for me. The pastries have multiplied. As I pull one out of my pocket there is another on it’s heels remaining in my pocket. I pull one after another after another until four pastries are sitting on the counter. There seems to be an endless supply within my back pocket.
~~~~~ DREAM ENDS.
When I did wake up i had a pain in my ankle just above my heel. Since dreams always enjoy word play I point this out since the word also showed up in a physical sense. I also thought it interesting that my friend Sasha who I hardly know was in the dream. I wonder if that is close to Santa and if that is a play on words. I put the reference here for future use. I like the message of the dream because it is an indication to me that what I desire is already in my back pocket. The highlight of my day is always my morning coffee and danish.
May 26, 2018
After waking up in the morning and doing my usual bathroom break, I returned to bed for the precious snooze. I immediately find myself in a restaurant. We are seated at a long picnic style table which reminds me of the last supper because everyone is sitting on one side. There is a male family member seated at the other end of the table who stands up. His act of not conforming to what we are doing namely sitting to eat outrages me. In a stern tone I tell him, “Sit your ass down!” I am looking through the menu deciding what to order. I decide to order empanadas but the waiter tells me the empanadas have to be picked up from a location in Columbia which would take me a day to travel there. Curiously, I recall Columbia referenced in a previous dream but this doesn’t quite yet trigger a lucid state. I decide to order pizza instead but cannot decide on the size of the pie. The waiter shows me the square pizza boxes. They are twice as deep as you would expect them to be. He opens a 16 inch box which has a double decker wedding cake inside. It reminds me of my new Shamanic drum which I just purchased. He cuts the cake in gesture saying, “Your pizza fits inside.”
A waitress tells me the game played at the restaurant is Pig Latin. Whatever you say you must substitute the p’s for d’s. They seem to be very good at substituting the sound. They do this effortless. This frustrates me because there is always a new requirement.
I am given an envelope with seeds to occupy my time while I wait. I walk outside so as to not be required to participate in the Pig Latin game. The envelope is getting wet as the day is cloudy, drizzly and grey. The fibers in the envelope are breaking down exposing the seed to the moisture. I worry the seeds will germinate before I am able to plant them in an appropriate place. I begin walking looking for a place to plant them and discover I am in Paris. Knowing I don’t have to be anywhere until tomorrow, I decide to take advantage of the situation and walk up the Champs-Élysées toward Rue de Rivoli and the Le Marais district. I’ve been here before so I know my way around. I will find an appropriate park to plant the seeds on my walk.
The sites are so beautiful I want to take a picture. As in a dream from yesterday I don’t have a camera with me. This awareness triggers a lucid state. The walk is longer than I remember it to be so I sit down. My seat then begins to move continuing in the direction of Le Marais. Beneath my seat, I hear a pipe or muffler dragging on the ground behind me. I smile with an inner knowing, this is just a sound effect let it drag I am not worried about it. The chair is now moving at a good clip. I turn and look back taking in the sites, “That muffler doesn’t seem to be impeding my progress.”
May 25, 2018
Last night as a fell asleep I found myself within a circle of men with me in the center. The circles spread out in 3 concentric circles 3 circles deep. I see every face of every man and understand each man to be me in every dimension of space. I identify with a man in the 2 o’clock position in the 3rd circle. I place myself in his awareness to experience the circle from his vantage point.
The dream now shifts. My awareness is taken to a place where an event is about to take place. There are plastic picture frames with names on them representing the players involved in the event. The frames are empty to conceal the mystery. The event is monumental. Similar to the day the earth stood still or the day aliens arrive to earth. It feels like I am on the precipice of a new beginning a birth of sorts.
The island house where the event is being hosted has many services offered to it’s guests. It is located in Long Island, New York at the tip near Nantucket. There is one room where the lights are turned off with the exception of an under the counter night light in the corner of the room. I walk in to find what appears to be a country store where spirits are offered to drink along with cigars. The cigar are in small humidity controlled wooden cedar boxes.
I then woke up needing to go to the bathroom. After returning to bed the dream continued. I become aware of the many offerings the Island House has to offer including areas where one can mingle with others and find intimacy in sexual expression.
I meet a couple two guys who are staying at the resort. Through the course of our stay, they share details of their lives. I seem to be sharing a room with them. I’m learning from these men how to be a sophisticated connoisseur of gay offerings. I become interestingly aware that keys do not seem to have much importance here. With this freedom, I leave my room without a concern or care for where my keys may be. I am a bit envious of the life they lead wanting it for myself. Oddly given I am present with them and leading a similar life I somehow feel removed from the rewards. I know I must not envy and simply be happy for them and what they were able to achieve in their lives. There is a part of me that knows I am dreaming. Reasoning I am each part of the dream therefor to envy is to envy myself and my own success. Yet I cannot separate myself from the feeling of envy. I want what they have.
It is time to leave. I now find myself on a beach witnessing the sunset. I notice the distance between the shore and sky is very shallow. You can touch the sky. I notice the texture of the sky is granulated. The pattern in the sky changes as I watch it becoming more wave like similar to the pattern in my quilted mattress pad. The sky is a burnt umber. I think to myself I should grab my camera to take a picture of this beautiful sunset. I turn to leave this place and see before me a topaz ocean with a narrow bridge people are using to cross. The bridge is in the distance but can see the people before me crossing as shadows on the bridge. I know it is my turn to cross over this bridge. The ocean is turbulent but the wind assists in diffusing the ocean spray.
~~~~ END OF DREAM
When I fell asleep tonight I wanted to remember my dream because lately I have not been able to remember or at least was unable to put words to what I was experiencing in my dreams. I thought about the intention and what if anything I wanted the dream to answer. I didn’t want to ask for specifics preferring that nature take it’s course. I decided to ask for help in decorating my yard. I told the dream I wanted to create a Faerie Village theme where the nature spirits can dwell in the yard. I asked for help in choosing the decorative pieces I might place in the yard and assistance with caring for the garden.
I am laying in bed watching the ethers gather in what look like hands massaging clay where I am the clay. I want to know who is placing hands on me. I carefully time my attack targeting one of the hands like a cat getting ready to stalk it’s prey. Snap!, I grab at the hand with precision. When my hand grabs the etheric hand I can feel it as if it had substance and form. The density of the hand startles me as it is not what I expected. The shock immediately wakes me up with eyes wide open.
I close my eyes in an attempt to return to the dream. I am with my friend Dinah when a package arrives at her door. She accepts the package from the post master and proceeds to open it. I immediately recognize the package as one I sent. I know the box of chocolates is within the packing box. The packing box is one I used to pack a speaker which was left behind by an Airbnb guest. Before she opens the package, I know it is not a speaker inside, she will find the box of chocolates which mysteriously went missing in my house. A box to this day I have not been able to locate. “I must have sent it to Dinah,” I hear my mind say. She snips the last piece of tape and opens the box. Sure enough the chocolates are inside along with some larvae. I recognize the larvae as faerie larvae. The larvae are undergoing their metamorphoses. They are long and white with narrow wings. Each has a purple and green luminescence within their body much like a dragon fly. A man walks over and asks, ” Can I buy them from you. We have great need for those here. They serve a good purpose.” To which I reply, “You can have them.” He then replies, “Oh no they have great value. ” “In that case give me one dollar for each,” I say. Another man steps in and says, “Oh no, they are worth far more than one dollar.” To which I say, “Well then how about $45 dollars.”
One of the insects stings me in in left arm burrowing its head below my skin much like a tick. Having read how one should respond to ticks, I pull the body back stretching the neck like an umbilical cord cinching it to cut the blood supply. I wrap the cord around the head which is still below my skin. The eyes look back at me as if in an effort to ask for it’s protection. I believe it will now simply come out when its ready.
My attention is now drawn to a set of windows in the distance where the government of Columbia is torturing Space Aliens. I can see the Aliens have hands raised as if to surrender. I only see their forearms to the tips of their fingers. One of the aliens has three long fingers typical of aliens. The other has five possibly an alien closer in resemblance of humans. Both are showing sings with their fingers in an attempt to communicate a message to me. The three fingered one has it’s fingers with the symbol of a triangle. The other has fingers and knuckles in the symbol of clovers. I feel compassion for the suffering of the aliens as I believe all life is sacred. I then see a tiny alien laying rigid on a table. He looks to be dead. I ask if we should dispose of the body. To which I’m told we can leave him there. As we turn to walk away, I look back to give the dead alien a second look. I somehow know he is simply playing dead. He moves to signal he is OK. I wink and feel good know he is alive.
~~~ END OF DREAM
The dragonfly is generally associated with the symbolic meaning of transformation. Here are common meanings for this animal totem:
- Change and transformation
- Joy, lightness of being
- Symbol of the realm of emotions, invitation to dive deeper into your feeling
- Being on the lookout for illusions and deceits, whether are external or personal
- Connection with nature’s spirits, fairies realms
Columbia also came up in my dream: à Daris: Itsay Ouryay Assyay Ownpay
May 17, 2018
My roommate who is a doctor is getting ready to move. His wife is here with him. He places an acupuncture needle in my right big toe. He tells me it will help with my pain. My memory is drawn to a time previously where I recall the benefits of acupuncture. Believing it may help I accept the needle. The needle slip out slightly but he assures me it won’t fall out completely until the medication is fully administered. I return to my living room to find it is now empty of all furniture with the exception of a few dust balls remaining on the floor. The wood floors are nicely polished. I look around and wonder if they have stolen all my belongings. It is refreshing to know I have a clean start. Health alert devices are now available in the house in various formats with vibrant blue indicator lights. I can see the kitchen sink and cabinets appear suddenly. I wonder how they connect the plumbing or if it is just an illusion. I am becoming aware this is a dream. The guy in the kitchen responds to my thoughts by turning on the water to demonstrate functionality and possibly to dissuade me of the fact I am dreaming. I suspect it may be a sound effect of water and not actual water that I hear. I offer assistance and reach over to turn the garbage disposal on. To my surprise, it runs. His wife walks in to hand me an ironing board she is returning. She indicates it was in their bedroom. I look at the ironing board not recognizing it and say, “It is not my ironing board.” I point to a memory of my ironing board, the one my mother had when I was a child. She proceeds to folds the board in a way that is inconsistent with ironing boards I am familiar with, hers swivels to close.
May 16, 2018
When I first woke up this morning I had definitely been dreaming but I simply couldn’t find words to describe what I was dreaming. The dream simply had no words. I quickly took advantage of the situation and decided I wouldn’t journal today. I snoozed the alarm and proceeded to go to the bathroom returning for a precious 10 minutes left in my snooze. I quickly fell into a dream.
I am at a large villa. I may have lived here before. My old bed and space are now occupied by other people possibly family members. There are karmic impressions here left behind by my actions. I walk through this place trying to understand the logic behind the decisions I made to create the karma. I believe I did the things for a higher purpose. I ponder whether I am simply trying to justify my actions because the outcomes don’t make logical sense. In one instance, I am trying to paint my face white like the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. The paint goes on thick nicely covering my face. Once I’m done with the paint there is so much left over on the brush. I look for the can to drain the remaining paint on the brush into the can. As the paint drips into the can of white paint it becomes lavender. The paint dripping from my brush is distinct from the paint in the can creating a pattern of lavender on white. I rinse my face to remove the paint and sit on the bed. Now the paint which I discover is also on my body is getting on the bed. I stand up and walk over to my dresser the one I have downstairs in the basement that looks like 3 books stacked on top of each other; War and Peace, A Tale of Two Cities, Gone with the Wind. I run my hand across the top of the dresser trying to clean off the drops of paint. The paint only spreads further.
I suddenly find myself on a mountain cliff over looking a valley. It looks like a scene from New Mexico or Arizona. The hills are beautiful burnt rock formations with very little vegetation. I hear voice voice in the dream ask, “Do you know where you stand?” I question whether there is something wrong with my perception. Is this not the way it is supposed to be? Were the hills at one time covered in vegetation? Were my actions the cause of the burnt hillsides? A part of me knows there is purpose in my actions. I have been guided by spirit in my life. I ask is there something missing? Is there an action left undone? I decide to take flight not really knowing whether it is possible in this dream. I believe it is and therefor I find myself in flight. As my body brushes against the rim of the mountain ridge a dust is stirred. The dust now a vibratory energy infused with the white and lavender color from before. The lavender threads within the ethers begin to illuminate growing and transforming the hillside. I hear birds sing. There is more work to be done.
I now return to the villa. I share my understanding with the people there of the events that have transpired. They now witness the transformation. Everyone is happy with the change. The birds sing.
~~~ DREAM END HERE
AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL
O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness.
God mend thine ev’ry flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law.
O beautiful for glorious tale
Of liberating strife,
When valiantly for man’s avail
Men lavish precious life.
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev’ry gain divine.
O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears.
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea.
May 15, 2018
I had a dream where I am with family. We are getting ready to leave. There is an ice cream machine with dulce de leche flavor. I scoop out the remaining amount and share with those around me. There are areas with concentrated cream that is so sweet I try saving the majority for me. It is a lot of sugar but I it is so good I share it, keeping most of the best for me.
After leaving, we walk by an antique dealer on the street just like the one on New York Ave. There is a beautiful baby grand piano. It is kid sized. There is a woman inspecting it. She lifts the lid to expose the strings. I ask her if it is a harpsichord. She responds, “No its a Zither.” She then proceeds to show me how she pulls and plucks the strings.
I am at work and have been given an assignment to program something. I spent time programming. Once complete I feel good about my work. I know it is the best quality work I can produce and … it actually accomplishes the task.
I then woke up and went to the bathroom and came back to bed and had a second dream. This dream I understood to be an alternate version of a previous dream told with a clarifying narrative. I feel contradiction in terms or some oxymoron. I guess there is a moral to the story and the moral can be conveyed through various stories.
I am at a hotel / restaurant. Where I am meeting a group of people much like an MKP warrior weekend. I have to be checked in by the person who sponsored me to the event. I will be sharing a room with a few others each having there own private quarters within the room. I am here to do a job. There is a heliport on the rooftop and my job is to control the flights that come into the port. The helicopter must be secured because of the high winds in the area. I am the only person assigned the role of securing the helicopter and the only person with the skill to do the job. After the first night, I am ready to leave the hotel. I check out of the hotel surrendering my room key at the front desk. After doing so, I realize there are still flights coming in with no one to guide and secure them. I realize my purpose for being here is for far more than just one night. The need is great and I am needed to stay longer. I head back to the front desk to see if someone recognizes me from the previous night. I hope to explain my situation and see if I am allow back in the hotel. I ask the attendant if he remembers me to which he says, “Of course we remember you.” I proceed to explain my error in checking out prematurely explaining I am supposed to stay longer. He then says, “Of course we know you are supposed to stay longer.” He tells me my reservation is permanent residence and is here whenever I need it. He explains, “You use it all the time.” I have one of the highest jobs here and I am the only person qualified to do the job therefore the room is always reserved for me. He hands me the key along with an envelope. The envelope triggers me to become lucid for just a moment. I know I must read and take back the the information contained in the envelop. Now lucid I pause to open the envelope. Inside is a bank statement describing a transfer of funds. It details the balance on the mortgage which has been paid by Joe. It is in the amount of $100,000 dollars which is also the balance owned on the mortgage. I am happy to know I can live out the remaining years of my life without having to worry about a mortgage payment. I have a reservation on whether to accept it or to question the amount. It is far more than what I had asked in terms of damages and far more than what he had offered to pay originally. I feel I can only accept it if he has given it in good faith yet I also don’t want to say anything for fear he may renege on the amount.
May 11, 2018
Last night’s dream I don’t recall very much. What I do remember is seeing the same repeating patterns over and over and over again. I find myself gazing at beautiful blue, grey and now black shadows. The image is presented to me much like a filmstrip in a movie theater as the credits go past the screen but instead of words they are patterns of blue, grey and black. I associate blue and grey with OB from previous dreams and here the dream has introduced black. The grey is comprised of what looks like patterns of leaves. As the patterns pass by from bottom to top they invoke feelings as if generated by bubbles of emotion coming up from within me and onto the screen of my mind. I am flooded with wonderful feelings of joy. I am relaxed and free. I take notice of the dream and desire knowledge on how the images are constructed. I am able to determine a repeating pattern. At this point the pattern stabilizes and comes into focus as moon struck images. I’ve not seen moon struck images in many years. I can see the shadow profile of a man kissing what appears to be a horse or camel on the cheek. I can only see the shadow of the neck and head of the animal. He kisses and pats the horse in a sign of love, appreciation and admiration.
I suddenly realize there is a man standing in front of me. He wears a shaved head and face with about what would amount to a 3 day stubble all over. I can see the man’s eyes as he looks dead set at me. I know or am told I am the man. Yet why would I be without a beard? For a long time in my dreams, I was not seeing any men’s faces with beards. I always thought it strange considering I am a lover of beards why wouldn’t my dreams hold more bearded men. I remember after coming to the awareness of it my dreams began introducing bearded men or possibly I became more aware of them. It seems strange for me to be witnessing a shift to the past as my dreams once were with moon struck images. I sense a time shift occurring.
DREAM ENDS HERE.
Something magical happened on this day. The fertility clinic is requiring my GC IM to have a consultation with a MFM doctor. She told me today that her midwife referred her to someone who she then called and made an appointment. His name is Dr. Christmas. What a magical coincidence. Because the calling I had last year to do Santa was so strong. I had so many dreams and visions with Christmas themes. Unfortunately I wasn’t journaling during this time. I remember having this one vision where I saw three cartoon children playing in the snow on a hill. They were playing tumbling rolling down the hill. As the tumbled down a windy path toward where I was the last tumble before they popped their heads up when they came up out of the snow they each had a white full Christmas beard and they all looked just like me when I was a kid. It was so cute it just melted my heart.
I remember one dream where my bed was a sleigh ( I actually have a sleigh bed) and I was sweating under the covers and every time I moved or shifted my weight the humidity from under the sheets would rise and create snow all around us. As we traveled on the bed my family and friends were with me on the sleigh we would make stops some in dangerous places where we had to hide under the covers. It was hard to hide or go unnoticed because it kept snowing out of character. Luckily the evil criminals never suspected anything believing instead that it was just an unusual anomaly. I remember at the last stop i poked my head up from under the covers and father time with a long grey beard was sitting on the bed.
I rejected the messages that somehow I should be a Santa. I also didn’t think I could be around children. My self image of parenthood or Santa was so low. Why would parents want a gay Santa? As the holidays approached last year I began hearing the suggestion from so many friends I couldn’t hide anymore. The universe wanted me to be a Santa. I thought I could possibly visit nursing homes in costume (purposefully avoiding anything with children) I didn’t want to be rejected. I ordered the costume online. I ordered the best costume I could find with real leather boots and leather belt. The boots literally arrived on Christmas eve. I only wore the costume to some parties friends were having. Although I did call some nursing home I didn’t have to courage to actually go. Maybe this year with more time I’ll work on building on that courage. I did get really good feedback from friends.
So I don’t know the full extent of this Christmas reference in the surrogacy process but I do know it’s all over the place. It’s the universes intent.