In last night’s dream two story lines are playing at the same time. I am at work and have given notice that I will be changing positions. As I’m ready to leave, I am having flashbacks reminiscing of the times I have spent here. In the flashbacks is where the story lines diverge. The story lines are my work and my home life with Joe. I am separating from both of them yet they share common elements.
I can see the work stations at the helpdesk where I sat for many years. There are two stations, plus one for the supervisor that is off to the side and an office with a door for the boss. I consider what my life would be like if I stay at this job. I’m looking to gather my computer equipment to take home with me but I seem to be missing my monitor. There is something I need to do on the computer before I leave and I am unable to visualize what that is without the monitor. My mind computes what needs to be done to separate myself from my ex Joe. I think back to the many days I spent in Miami. I am trying to gather my things and account for everything. The monitor was working when it was in Miami. I reconcile with the fact that during these last years I’ve not been with Joe so it seems an easy decision to part ways with him. I ask why didn’t it work? The thought comes to me it is neither here nor there but I am confident I will be able to access what I need without the monitor.
There is a little boy with me. He is having a slumber party with a friend of his who he is trying out as a sibling. I think he is considering whether he wants a sibling or not. He tells me it was fun for the first day but that the baby sleeps too much so we should leave and go on our way. Feeling this is an acceptable response I gather my things and ready myself to go.
I am now looking for my desk chair to take with me. I reminisce back to the day I first sat in this chair. We were making shoes, Santa’s shoes. We were deciding which souls to put in them. I can see the leather shoes Peter Jelen is stitching for me. (I met Peter at the Green Man Festival one year in Greenbelt and he made some shoes for me. I had him make the shoes with an ambigram of the word DNA. The letters were cursive and read the same right side up or upside down.) In the dream, I can see the red and green shoes he is stitching together. They are still without souls. I look around me for material suitable for the souls. I know the material needs to be durable and long lasting because their journey is long.
Last night I had a dream where I am a shark in a large body of water called to protect a bee hive. Before getting into the role of a shark i have to put my shark suit on. I notice the belt I have is extremely long even if I wrap it around twice it is still too long for my waist. The buckle is held by rubber bands because the belt has been used so much the leather is worn out. The rubber bands are so old they are no longer holding the buckle on securely. I look for the bee hive I am to protect. I find it and turn it over to look for the opening. The underside of the bee hive looks like a ball of cranberries with fibrous stands holding the red beads together. The opening looks leathery but is clearly an opening. I see someone’s finger trying to disturb the opening. I prevent him from disturbing it. The finger was trying to close the opening. I fix the opening allowing the bees free passage in and out of the cranberry hive. There is a white milky substance oozing from opening of the hive.
After thoughts: The belt brought memories of the black belt i have for my Santa suit which is too big for me. I added a link to the dream Santa’s Paradox because of the tie to the belt and while I was watching news tonight about the Trump fiasco Jill Wine-Banks used the term “preconceived notion” in relation to serving the President with a subpoena to appear in court and whether the Secret Service would allow it and the preconceived notion that he can’t be subpoenaed. Anyhow I don’t often hear the word “notion” and quite frankly I don’t even understand the word. I can’t quite put my finger on what it even after knowing its use and the dictionary definition or hearing it in speech. My book has a passage a quote of a message I received in a dream from a man with a white Santa beard that I’ve never quite understood as it seemed cryptic until today I have some clarity.
Spirituality is a treasure to live for all humanity, to overcome a notion, in a time when spirits rejoice.
Seeing the cranberries reminded me of the pregnancy videos I’ve been watching specifically detailing the lining of the uterus and I guess I can also see the long belt similar to an umbilical cord.
I am the co-producer of a movie actually more like the technical director of the movie. Hillary Clinton is in the movie playing one of the parts. She has to travel from Los Angeles to DC. When I see her I know she had to travel all that distance to get here and is apparently in good shape. She is refreshed and ready to go. She is not one for detail so I have to explain the technicalities to her such that she is able to carry out only her actions. For her to remember more is simply ineffective. Plus I don’t want to tell her too much about the movie because there are a lot of sex scenes so it is best to just tell her the technical details of her scenes.
I am now on a coffee break with my friend Sasha, she is here on a short term assignment. I am looking through the pastry cart at the offerings available. The coffee smells delicious. There are so many pastries to choose from. I spot a double decker pastry I like. I reach for the dish with one hand while pouring my coffee with the other. At the same time, I’m chatting with Sasha. Distracted I look down at my pastry and realize it has changed. I am frustrated because I want the other one I chose. I internalize a thought that says to me, “I should have known the dream would change the scene on me, (apparently I am aware I am in a dream).” I slap the pastry dish down on the counter to look for the one I desire. I feel it is near me. I look and look and look, turning around several times to find it. I sense it is close but I don’t see where it might be or who might have taken it from me. I feel they are playing a hide and seek or bait and switch games with me. It occurs to me to check my pockets. I reach behind me and in my back pocket are the pastries of my desire in perfectly wrapped single servings portioned out for me. The pastries have multiplied. As I pull one out of my pocket there is another on it’s heels remaining in my pocket. I pull one after another after another until four pastries are sitting on the counter. There seems to be an endless supply within my back pocket.
~~~~~ DREAM ENDS.
When I did wake up i had a pain in my ankle just above my heel. Since dreams always enjoy word play I point this out since the word also showed up in a physical sense. I also thought it interesting that my friend Sasha who I hardly know was in the dream. I wonder if that is close to Santa and if that is a play on words. I put the reference here for future use. I like the message of the dream because it is an indication to me that what I desire is already in my back pocket. The highlight of my day is always my morning coffee and danish.
Last night’s dream I don’t recall very much. What I do remember is seeing the same repeating patterns over and over and over again. I find myself gazing at beautiful blue, grey and now black shadows. The image is presented to me much like a filmstrip in a movie theater as the credits go past the screen but instead of words they are patterns of blue, grey and black. I associate blue and grey with OB from previous dreams and here the dream has introduced black. The grey is comprised of what looks like patterns of leaves. As the patterns pass by from bottom to top they invoke feelings as if generated by bubbles of emotion coming up from within me and onto the screen of my mind. I am flooded with wonderful feelings of joy. I am relaxed and free. I take notice of the dream and desire knowledge on how the images are constructed. I am able to determine a repeating pattern. At this point the pattern stabilizes and comes into focus as moon struck images. I’ve not seen moon struck images in many years. I can see the shadow profile of a man kissing what appears to be a horse or camel on the cheek. I can only see the shadow of the neck and head of the animal. He kisses and pats the horse in a sign of love, appreciation and admiration.
I suddenly realize there is a man standing in front of me. He wears a shaved head and face with about what would amount to a 3 day stubble all over. I can see the man’s eyes as he looks dead set at me. I know or am told I am the man. Yet why would I be without a beard? For a long time in my dreams, I was not seeing any men’s faces with beards. I always thought it strange considering I am a lover of beards why wouldn’t my dreams hold more bearded men. I remember after coming to the awareness of it my dreams began introducing bearded men or possibly I became more aware of them. It seems strange for me to be witnessing a shift to the past as my dreams once were with moon struck images. I sense a time shift occurring.
DREAM ENDS HERE.
Something magical happened on this day. The fertility clinic is requiring my GC IM to have a consultation with a MFM doctor. She told me today that her midwife referred her to someone who she then called and made an appointment. His name is Dr. Christmas. What a magical coincidence. Because the calling I had last year to do Santa was so strong. I had so many dreams and visions with Christmas themes. Unfortunately I wasn’t journaling during this time. I remember having this one vision where I saw three cartoon children playing in the snow on a hill. They were playing tumbling rolling down the hill. As the tumbled down a windy path toward where I was the last tumble before they popped their heads up when they came up out of the snow they each had a white full Christmas beard and they all looked just like me when I was a kid. It was so cute it just melted my heart.
I remember one dream where my bed was a sleigh ( I actually have a sleigh bed) and I was sweating under the covers and every time I moved or shifted my weight the humidity from under the sheets would rise and create snow all around us. As we traveled on the bed my family and friends were with me on the sleigh we would make stops some in dangerous places where we had to hide under the covers. It was hard to hide or go unnoticed because it kept snowing out of character. Luckily the evil criminals never suspected anything believing instead that it was just an unusual anomaly. I remember at the last stop i poked my head up from under the covers and father time with a long grey beard was sitting on the bed.
I rejected the messages that somehow I should be a Santa. I also didn’t think I could be around children. My self image of parenthood or Santa was so low. Why would parents want a gay Santa? As the holidays approached last year I began hearing the suggestion from so many friends I couldn’t hide anymore. The universe wanted me to be a Santa. I thought I could possibly visit nursing homes in costume (purposefully avoiding anything with children) I didn’t want to be rejected. I ordered the costume online. I ordered the best costume I could find with real leather boots and leather belt. The boots literally arrived on Christmas eve. I only wore the costume to some parties friends were having. Although I did call some nursing home I didn’t have to courage to actually go. Maybe this year with more time I’ll work on building on that courage. I did get really good feedback from friends.
So I don’t know the full extent of this Christmas reference in the surrogacy process but I do know it’s all over the place. It’s the universes intent.
There is a guy who looks like David who is sitting at the bar. The guy is my representative. He holds the all time record of 117 which is the highest world record. A new player arrives on the scene who is staring in the game. He has taken the major leagues by storm. He is younger than David and now a joint title holder of 117. The game is being played for the kids to teach them about sportsmanship. I wonder if David is planning on retiring or if he continues as a mentor.
I am in the upper room of a lodge. I am with a teacher who does home schooling. She shows me a small bird that only has one or maybe two feathers. The delicate bird is so small and just now beginning to grow. I notice the cage doesn’t have anywhere for the bird to perch. The gravel in the cage looks like cat litter. I look around for something I can use to provide the bird with a perch. In the corner of the room is a wooden bird cage with multiple levels. It is not ready to be occupied but I imagine the day when the little bird might occupy the cage. As I look out the window I see across the valley a house fire. The fireplace is on fire and threatens the hillside. I am pushed to evacuate but feel conflicted about the bird and how I might save it. I wonder where my animals are. I notice the door has closed behind me and wonder if I have locked myself in. Am I trapped? I turn the knob to find the door opens freely. I then walk through the door. On the other side is an office space where half of the room is nicely decorated in solid wood paneling which gives it a very rustic appearance and the other half is more conventional and utilitarian. I see a stroller in front of me and think to take the stroller with me. The stroller has two parts. At first I am pushing both parts separately which makes driving the stroller difficult. I quickly learn I can fold one part and place it in a secured area within the stroller.
As I awoke from the dream I saw an image of the Grinch. This time his furr was a mustard green color. His eyelashes looked golden and the sunlight shimmered on his furry face. He then smiled at me in acknowledgement.
I’m in a biosphere. They are planting grasses and cultivating the soil. Some here are partially naked. There is a light skinned black guy with a curved semi erect penis who smiles at me as if I know him but he doesn’t really look familiar. He apparently likes me. There is a baby blue and grey car nearby which they are licking clean.
I then see a man dressed in a deep orange red suit. He has stitching down his arm like an embroidery. The stitching is being sown in real time. My eyes follow the stitch down his arm. The process of watching the stitch pulls my consciousness into a new dream where I am in a bathroom in a building. I find myself standing in front of the sink. Someone has left a freezer bag with crystals in it. I believe them to be of some value and I would like to keep them but I feel I might get caught for stealing it. I think it might be a trap. I see a vent in the ceiling and have an idea to stuff the bag in the vent to hide it temporarily. As I open the vent and attempt to reach in I can hear someone in the vent possibly watching my action. I decide to take a risk and keep the bag with me. The bag then becomes a wooden crystal bowl allowing me to hold it such that no one would recognize it as the bag of crystals. Leaving the building I’m confronted with a man in an elevator pushing a stroller. He pushes the stroller past me and exits the elevator. I then exit the elevator too letting him know by my action that he needs to step into the elevator and take responsibility of the child. “This is your baby you brought him here.” I’m thinking he needs to take care of his child. I then go looking for another elevator closer to the room where I was previously. I am looking for room 1736 and the bank of elevators that will take me to 1736.
When I woke up I grabbed my voice recorder and began recording the dream. In a rush because I had over slept I was recording the dream and making my coffee and heating up my croissant all while recording the dream. I knew all the noise would be on the recording but figured I’d still make out the important parts of the dream to journal. Here is where the magic happens.
I remember having a ceramic singing bowl so I went looking for it but couldn’t find it. The next best thing I could find was a Tibetan bowl which I grabbed thinking I could honor the dream by setting the bowl possibly with some water on my alter. Sitting there having my coffee and breakfast I thought water just didn’t feel right. I had to put something else in the bowl as an offering. I then thought I’d grab a few seeds from last years harvest of flowers from my garden an place them in the bowl. Remembering where I had stored my seeds I grabbed from the cupboard a freezer bag which contained other bags of various seeds. Standing there looking at the bag I had an ah ha moment. The bag looked just like the bag of crystals in my dream. I then placed my marigold seeds in the bowl and sat back down wondering to myself whether that was a coincidence or the magic of the dream. I then pushed the play button on my voice recorder to listen to the playback of my dream. I then heard the playback of my dream regarding the man in the orange red suit when my violin caught my eye it was the same color that the man had worn. I then had another ah ha moment looking at the strings of the violin which if played would run down my arm. At that precise moment I could hear the noise of me in the kitchen mucking with the microwave closing the door and setting the time which the microwave plays a tone for every button you push it was as if my violin or the thought of my violin on my arm was playing a song. Just more than an eerie coincidence.
When I sat to journal the dream I couldn’t really place where the dream took place. I didn’t yet have a word for the biosphere reference. When the word came to me with which to describe the dream it all made sense. They were sowing seeds and planting a biosphere.
I had a dream that I am asked to dress up as Santa. It feels like this is an activity that was assigned to me for my penance and to make good my wrongs. It is a playful group. My Santa Suit is on but not fully in order as if I’m still getting ready. People are playing and being jovial with me. Teasing me about my well pressed and perfectly white T-shirts. They call me the Mexican Santa and jokingly say “Mexicans have good wives to wash and press and ready their shirts.” As people are arriving I’m still not ready. I grab my scissors and use the thumb and index finger loops to look through them like looking glasses. I think the scissors are for cutting ribbons.
Dinah is there and it is revealed that she has always been in love with me, a true long lost love and I am to marry her.
I then hear on the loud speaker, “The concerns, there are no concerns right now.”
I woke up and grabbed my new voice recorder to record the dream. When I was done recording it I closed my eyes and felt as if I was in an in between realm. I could see blue clouds all around me that I can reach out and touch. I then became aware that I can replay a dream. I therefore thought it a good opportunity to ask a question. I asked for the meaning of the Green Man’s eyes. Why were they so endearing and significant. Why was my focus drawn to the eye lashes. I then hear the response, “because they are your eyes.” I then asked why was the upper body of the Green Man visible to me yet the lower part was not visible yet I knew exactly how he was dressed I knew the khaki green long cut off shorts he wore with his earthy shoes. I was then told it had to do with his knees.
The answers are simple and straight forward yet they seem to provide no clarity on my question leaving it to me to figure out. Like riddles. Yet they are complete in providing the answer. It’s a language of symbols and impressions that speak volumes more than the written or spoken word. Answers that can only be understood by the heart and soul.