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Needling Tip Toe

May 17, 2018

My roommate who is a doctor is getting ready to move.  His wife is here with him.  He places an acupuncture needle in my right big toe.   He tells me it will help with my pain.  My memory is drawn to a time previously where I recall the benefits of acupuncture.  Believing it may help I accept the needle.  The needle slip out slightly but he assures me it won’t fall out completely until the medication is fully administered.  I return to my living room to find it is now empty of all furniture with the exception of a few dust balls remaining on the floor.  The wood floors are nicely polished.  I look around and wonder if they have stolen all my belongings.  It is refreshing to know I have a clean start.  Health alert devices are now available in the house in various formats with vibrant blue indicator lights.  I can see the kitchen sink and cabinets appear suddenly.  I wonder how they connect the plumbing or if it is just an illusion.  I am becoming aware this is a dream.  The guy in the kitchen responds to my thoughts by turning on the water to demonstrate functionality and possibly to dissuade me of the fact I am dreaming.  I suspect it may be a sound effect of water and not actual water that I hear.  I offer assistance and reach over to turn the garbage disposal on.  To my surprise, it runs. His wife walks in to hand me an  ironing board she is returning.  She indicates it was in their bedroom.  I look at the ironing board not recognizing it and say, “It is not my ironing board.”  I point to a memory of my ironing board, the one my mother had when I was a child.  She proceeds to folds the board in a way that is inconsistent with ironing boards I am familiar with, hers swivels to close.

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Purple Mountain Majesty

May 16, 2018

When I first woke up this morning I had definitely been dreaming but I simply couldn’t find words to describe what I was dreaming.  The dream simply had no words.  I quickly took advantage of the situation and decided I wouldn’t journal today.  I snoozed the alarm and proceeded to go to the bathroom returning for a precious 10 minutes left in my snooze.  I quickly fell into a dream.

I am at a large villa.  I may have lived here before.  My old bed and space are now occupied by other people possibly family members.  There are karmic impressions here left behind by my actions.  I walk through this place trying to understand the logic behind the decisions I made to create the karma.  I believe I did the things for a higher purpose.  I ponder whether I am simply trying to justify my actions because the outcomes don’t make logical sense.  In one instance, I am trying to paint my face white like the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.  The paint goes on thick nicely covering my face.  Once I’m done with the paint there is so much left over on the brush.  I look for the can to drain the remaining paint on the brush into the can.  As the paint drips into the can of white paint it becomes lavender.  The paint dripping from my brush is distinct from the paint in the can creating a pattern of lavender on white.  I  rinse my face to remove the paint and sit on the bed.  Now the paint which I discover is also on my body is getting on the bed.  I stand up and walk over to my dresser the one I have downstairs in the basement that looks like 3 books stacked on top of each other; War and Peace, A Tale of Two Cities, Gone with the Wind.  I run my hand across the top of the dresser trying to clean off the drops of paint.  The paint only spreads further.

I suddenly find myself on a mountain cliff over looking a valley.  It looks like a scene from New Mexico or Arizona.  The hills are beautiful burnt rock formations with very little vegetation.  I hear voice voice in the dream ask, “Do you know where you stand?” I question whether there is something wrong with my perception.  Is this not the way it is supposed to be?  Were the hills at one time covered in vegetation?  Were my actions the cause of the burnt hillsides?  A part of me knows there is purpose in my actions.  I have been guided by spirit in my life.  I ask is there something missing?  Is there an action left undone?  I decide to take flight not really knowing whether it is possible in this dream.  I believe it is and therefor I find myself in flight.  As my body brushes against the rim of the mountain ridge a dust is stirred.  The dust now a vibratory energy infused with the white and lavender color from before.  The lavender threads within the ethers begin to illuminate growing and transforming the hillside.  I hear birds sing.  There is more work to be done.

I now return to the villa.  I share my understanding with the people there of the events that have transpired.  They now witness the transformation. Everyone is happy with the change.  The birds sing.

~~~ DREAM END HERE

AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness.
America! America!
God mend thine ev’ry flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law.

O beautiful for glorious tale
Of liberating strife,
When valiantly for man’s avail
Men lavish precious life.
America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev’ry gain divine.

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears.
America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea.

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Zither Sweet Cream

May 15, 2018

I had a dream where I am with family.  We are getting ready to leave.  There is an ice cream machine with dulce de leche flavor.  I scoop out the remaining amount and share with those around me.  There are areas with concentrated cream that is so sweet I try saving the majority for me.  It is a lot of sugar but I it is so good I share it, keeping most of the best for me.

After leaving, we walk by an antique dealer on the street just like the one on New York Ave.  There is a beautiful baby grand piano.  It is kid sized.  There is a woman inspecting it.  She lifts the lid to expose the strings.  I ask her if it is a harpsichord.  She responds, “No its a Zither.” She then proceeds to show me how she pulls and plucks the strings.

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Hotel Heliport

I am at work and have been given an assignment to program something.  I spent time programming.  Once complete I feel good about my work.  I know it is the best quality work I can produce and … it actually accomplishes the task.

I then woke up and went to the bathroom and came back to bed and had a second dream.  This dream I understood to be an alternate version of a previous dream told with a clarifying narrative.  I feel contradiction in terms or some oxymoron.  I guess there is a moral to the story and the moral can be conveyed through various stories.

I am at a hotel / restaurant.  Where I am meeting a group of people much like an MKP warrior weekend.  I have to be checked in by the person who sponsored me to the event.  I will be sharing a room with a few others each having there own private quarters within the room.  I am here to do a job.  There is a heliport on the rooftop and my job is to control the flights that come into the port.  The helicopter must be secured because of the high winds in the area.  I am the only person assigned the role of securing the helicopter and the only person with the skill to do the job.  After the first night, I am ready to leave the hotel.  I check out of the hotel surrendering my room key at the front desk.  After doing so, I realize there are still flights coming in with no one to guide and secure them.  I realize my purpose for being here is for far more than just one night.  The need is great and I am needed to stay longer.  I head back to the front desk to see if someone recognizes me from the previous night.  I hope to explain my situation and see if I am allow back in the hotel. I ask the attendant if he remembers me to which he says, “Of course we remember you.”  I proceed to explain my error in checking out prematurely explaining I am supposed to stay longer.  He then says, “Of course we know you are supposed to stay longer.”  He tells me my reservation is permanent residence and is here whenever I need it.  He explains, “You use it all the time.”  I have one of the highest jobs here and I am the only person qualified to do the job therefore the room is always reserved for me. He hands me the key along with an envelope.    The envelope triggers me to become lucid for just a moment.  I know I must read and take back the the information contained in the envelop.  Now lucid I pause to open the envelope.  Inside is a bank statement describing a transfer of funds.  It details the balance on the mortgage which has been paid by Joe.  It is in the amount of $100,000 dollars which is also the balance owned on the mortgage.  I am happy to know I can live out the remaining years of my life without having to worry about a mortgage payment.  I have a reservation on whether to accept it or to question the amount.  It is far more than what I had asked in terms of damages and far more than what he had offered to pay originally.  I feel I can only accept it if he has given it in good faith yet I also don’t want to say anything for fear he may renege on the amount.

 

 

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A Horse is a Horse, of Course

May 11, 2018

Last night’s dream I don’t recall very much.  What I do remember is seeing the same repeating patterns over and over and over again.  I find myself gazing at beautiful blue, grey and now black shadows.  The image is presented to me much like a filmstrip in a movie theater as the credits go past the screen but instead of words they are patterns of blue, grey and black.  I associate blue and grey with OB from previous dreams and here the dream has introduced black.  The grey is comprised of what looks like patterns of leaves.  As the patterns pass by from bottom to top they invoke feelings as if generated by bubbles of emotion coming up from within me and onto the screen of my mind.  I am flooded with wonderful feelings of joy.  I am relaxed and free.  I take notice of the dream and desire knowledge on how the images are constructed.  I am able to determine a repeating pattern.  At this point the pattern stabilizes and comes into focus as moon struck images. I’ve not seen moon struck images in many years.  I can see the shadow profile of a man kissing what appears to be a horse or camel on the cheek.  I can only see the shadow of the neck and head of the animal.  He kisses and pats the horse in a sign of love, appreciation and admiration.

I  suddenly realize there is a man standing in front of me.  He wears a shaved head and face with about what would amount to a 3 day stubble all over.  I can see the man’s eyes as he looks dead set at me.  I know or am told I am the man.  Yet why would I be without a beard?  For a long time in my dreams, I was not seeing any men’s faces with beards.  I always thought it strange considering I am a lover of beards why wouldn’t my dreams hold more bearded men. I remember after coming to the awareness of it my dreams began introducing bearded men or possibly I became more aware of them. It seems strange for me to be witnessing a shift to the past as my dreams once were with moon struck images.  I sense a time shift occurring.  

DREAM ENDS HERE.

Something magical happened on this day.  The fertility clinic is requiring my GC IM to have a consultation with a MFM doctor.  She told me today that her midwife referred her to someone who she then called and made an appointment.  His name is Dr. Christmas.   What a magical coincidence.  Because the calling I had last year to do Santa was so strong.  I had so many dreams and visions with Christmas themes.  Unfortunately I wasn’t journaling during this time.  I remember having this one vision where I saw three cartoon children playing in the snow on a hill.  They were playing tumbling rolling down the hill.  As the tumbled down a windy path toward where I was the last tumble before they popped their heads up when they came up out of the snow they each had a white full Christmas beard and they all looked just like me when I was a kid.  It was so cute it just melted my heart.

I remember one dream where my bed was a sleigh ( I actually have a sleigh bed) and I was sweating under the covers and every time I moved or shifted my weight the humidity from under the sheets would rise and create snow all around us.  As we traveled on the bed my family and friends were with me on the sleigh we would make stops some in dangerous places where we had to hide under the covers.  It was hard to hide or go unnoticed because it kept snowing out of character.  Luckily the evil criminals never suspected anything believing instead that it was just an unusual anomaly.  I remember at the last stop i poked my head up from under the covers and father time with a long grey beard was sitting on the bed.

I rejected the messages that somehow I should be a Santa.  I also didn’t think I could be around children.  My self image of parenthood or Santa was so low.   Why would parents want a gay Santa?  As the holidays approached last year I began hearing the suggestion from so many friends I couldn’t hide anymore.  The universe wanted me to be a Santa.  I thought I could possibly visit nursing homes in costume (purposefully avoiding anything with children) I didn’t want to be rejected.  I ordered the costume online.  I ordered the best costume I could find with real leather boots and leather belt.  The boots literally arrived on Christmas eve.  I only wore the costume to some parties friends were having.  Although I did call some nursing home I didn’t have to courage to actually go.  Maybe this year with more time I’ll work on building on that courage.  I did get really good feedback from friends.

So I don’t know the full extent of this Christmas reference in the surrogacy process but I do know it’s all over the place.  It’s the universes intent.

 

 

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A Family By Choice

I have been wanting to look back through my dreams for times when OB might have shown up in dreams.  I’ve journaled so many dreams that I can’t possibly remember them all.  One thing I love about WordPress is the ability to search the database for key words and to organize your dreams by associating categories.  Outside of my book, this WordPress is a black hole for my dreams.  For the most part all these years I journaled them once and moved on never really returning to them.  I knew someday I would need them.  I think the day has come.

Today I reached a new mile marker in the surrogacy journey.  I met with my surrogate and her husband at the fertility clinic for some pre-screening.  This was the first time meeting her husband and the 2nd time meeting IM.  It all went amazingly well.  I am so blessed to have been matched with IM.  Thanks to IM I now have a new family by choice.  I think it is going to be a very rewarding journey.  I already know it is spirit approved because of all the faerie dust that has graced my life.  The magic is beyond words.

The desire to have a little one has been something that has haunted me for a long time.  I’ve had so many subtle nudges from spirit as to the direction my life’s mission is to be fulfilled.  So much so that I simply cannot ignore them.  I had to acquiesce.  And I say acquiesce mainly because for a long time I didn’t think it was possible.  Single gay man at 54 having a baby are you crazy?  I would have loved to do it long time ago but now?  Why was spirit pushing me to have a baby?  And the more spirit pushed me in this direction the more my own inner true desire to be a parent came to the surface.  Till I just couldn’t deny myself this gift God is about to give me.  I do know IT WILL HAPPEN.   I have so much to write on this subject.  I thought I would start by collecting all the dreams and checking their categories.  So I did a search and this is the first dream I happened to click on.  Again I am floored.  Firstly, the dream is like no other dream.  I must have had it when I was very much engrossed in dream work because of the detail within the My Mother’s Name is Penny.

I’m amazed that in this dream the span of time seems like a story from my daily life.  For a time as I read it I questioned whether it was this really a dream? So precious is the message.  I wish I knew all the answers.  Just like in the dream I sit here fascinated by the life of Penny.  I keep reading her post cards that come in with the nightly Currier; the dream.  One message I get from this dream is that OB has a mom.

 

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The Tab Is On Me

 

Last night I find myself at a bar where I have invited my friends to celebrate with me.  I am unsure what exactly I am celebrating.  Daniel Neusom (not sure where the name comes from) is the bartender.  He has expensive tastes so I know the service here can’t be cheap.  Everyone is given a round of drinks except me since I don’t care to drink.  Daniel tells me I can pay for the tab on my way out.  I didn’t think I’d be responsible for the entire bar tab when we ordered but I want everyone to have fun.  Daniel says if I am concerned about the tab I can also choose not to pay it and simply leave.  The second option doesn’t sit well with me but I do not know if I have enough to cover the tab or how much the tab is.  I’m afraid to ask as a part of me doesn’t want to know but I also don’t want to shrug my responsibility.  I ask Daniel how much it is.  He looks at the sales slips and sums it up.  $38 dollars he says.  Believing the tab to be fair I tell him to charge my card I want to close out the tab to leave.  He proceeds to do so.

I then find other areas of my life where I once had debts disappear.  Money and accounts and debts I didn’t know how to access are suddenly understood.  It is as if by addressing taking the action to address the one it allowed for everything else to shift bringing all my debts into clear understanding and allowing them now to shift and reconcile.   I now actually have a credit balance of $200 dollars after all my debts have been paid.   I feel good about myself and so relieved to be debt free.

~~~End of Dream

On a side bar, I’ll answer the question why 753.  If you noticed on my Vision Board posted to my Socks at the Kids Table , there is a space on the vision board with a mirror where I positioned myself and wrote the number 753.  This has to do with my ex Joe with whom I have been tied financially for the past 8 years to a property down in Miami Florida.  He has not been willing to sell the property to get me off the mortgage and has been very bad about paying the mortgage on time.  He has occupied the property since we split up and it was understood that he would keep up the mortgage, refinance it and get me off.  8 years and he had not done so until this month when he finally sold it but only after not making a mortgage payment on the loan for 11 months.  Needless to say he damaged my credit by doing so.  He has a pattern of making payments late.  Before his recent troubles my credit was at a decent 753.  I have stellar credit always paying my bills on time and never carrying any balances on credit cards.  I was so relieved to finally have the burden of this noose from my neck lifted.  I prayed to God and set my intention on the Vision Board to help improve my credit.  Today I checked my credit score on Credit Karma and it is now 743 just 10 point under my previous score.  I appears the bank went in and payed off the loan and removed some of the delinquencies without me asking for it.  And just like in my dream my debts were paid.  God is good.  AMEN!

 

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Cat Tail Walk

May 5, 2018

In last night’s dream I find myself looking for an Airbnb which I have reserved.  It is a shared space.  I drive around the block twice looking for the parking lot.  I am struck how my memory has full awareness of this location even though I don’t recall ever being here before.  This confusion causes me to miss the parking lot entrance even though I know exactly how to get there.  Once I put my trust in my inner voice I am able to find the parking lot.  I proceed to enter the rental unit and take a shower.  I am in the shower with my socks on yet my socks are not getting wet.  I now feel refreshed.  I return to the bedroom I believe I rented but find there are two other individuals staying in what I believe is my space.  I address the issue with the host who tells me that IS my space.  I complain I rented the space for myself and assumed the house was shared not the bed I’d sleep in.    Upset, I demand a refund.  The man tells me he will issue me a refund but he can’t do it immediately.  He can send it to me in the mail.  I feel vulnerable knowing I don’t have lodging.  I enter the three bedrooms to advise the guests about the discrepancy and injustice for them to witnesses the transaction occurring.  Like cockroaches to light the guests scatter to busy themselves.   I decide I will simply return home and consider it a loss. I feel justified in having received a refreshing shower and I’ve not lost my socks.

The parking lot sits on the top of a hill and there are steps which lead me there.  At the top of the stairs is a walkway bridge with only the side railing and nothing to walk on.  There are inner city children playing here unsupervised.  The children are fearless.  I wonder where they found the courage to do such risky things.  There is a 2 yr old crossing a bottomless bridge.  He is unafraid of falling.  He has a cat’s tail on his diaper that allows him to balance on the railing.  He has obviously done this before and is up to the challenge.  I ask where the mother is but the kids don’t yet speak so they are unable to communicate with me other than to simply acknowledge.

As I woke up I ran to the bathroom and returned to get a few more minutes of sleep.  As I closed my eyes I could see a black and white picture of me.  The image came in closer and closer such that I could see the fine pixels which looked like rice.

Symbolism of Rice

Rice is an ancient symbol of wealth, success, fertility and good health. It is powerful.  Tossing rice at the end of the ceremony is meant to symbolize rain, which is said to be a sign of prosperity, fertility and good fortune. 

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Glitter Queen Balloons

So the other day my surrogate who I will refer to as IM shared a dream where she was visited by her Grandmother in a forest where she played as a kid.  She mentioned there being a lookout tower used for protecting bears from hunters.  Her dream gave me pause.  Particularly the image of the forest.  I thought back to my associations with forests and dreams.  The one dream that came to mind was  Sleepy Hollow.  I had not read it in a long time but the way she described it took me to Sleepy Hollow.  I didn’t get around to reading the Sleepy Hollow dream until the next day.  As I prepared to message her I felt a bit of sadness.  My impressions of the forest reminded me of the many dreams I’ve had where my faerie friends have come to visit me and taken me on adventures.  My sadness was that I haven’t seen them in a long time.  I wondered if they had forgotten me or if they would ever return.

As I sat there contemplating what to say in my text to IM because I wanted to say something about the forest but didn’t want to convey any sadness.  I held the phone motionless my fingers unable to type when accidentally my fingers sent out an empty thought balloon.  I quickly crafted a message and excused my accidental balloon.  I then began telling her about the faeries and how they used to visit me.  I also described myself as a nature spirit.  I’d say I’m more of a green man and in the gay community I’m very much a bear.  She then messaged back telling me she was making balloons for an annual event.  Thousands of balloons she was in the process of making.  How serendipitous I was in awe.  Little did I know there was more.  She proceeded to tell me that she and her family were working on creating fairy houses to place in an enchanted forest.  Now what are the odds of that happening at precisely the right time.

Spirit has a way of moving in the ordinary day to day world that if you aren’t paying attention you can easily miss it.  But to those who pay close attention the evidence is there.  Fairy dust and miracles happen every day.  Needless to say I am over joyed to know the faeries are back.

Now here may be a good place to tell the story of my friend Daniel aka Quetta who is in the tiny picture frame (click on image to enlarge).  Now that I’m doing the surrogacy to have a baby a lot of things have begun to make sense to me.  Also the process of deciding I wanted to become a dad and have a child has been one I never dreamed possible and one I had resisted for a long time.  I believe the universe has pushed me into this decision not so much because it wants me to do this but because doing so is part of my life’s mission.  It may very well be an agreement I had with myself before entering the world.  I have always sought guidance from my dreams and sometime that guidance takes you in directions you might not believe are for you.  Overcoming self esteem issues and other limiting self beliefs and being tied to my fears can keep me from full fulfilling my purpose and potential.  Dreams have pushed me outside my comfort zone.  My dreams have been calling me to have a child.  I didn’t understand this initially because they are not that obvious but they are persistent. I feel OB1 (Oliver) has shown up in my dreams time and time again but it took me a long time to accept what I am being called to do which is to live out my life to the fullest.  I believe there are agreements in place when you are born intentions you set when you come into this world to be learned and experienced.

This next dream is from my book which I published in 2007 and I believe is the first time where my inner child my son OB1 (Oliver) came to revealed himself and my friend Quetta appeared so powerfully to foretell what would come to pass.

I Hold Your Hand in the Name of Love

            I have had many incredible dreams but this one was among my most profound experiences.  This had to be what is referred to as astral projection.

In this dream, I find myself wandering around the astral plane communing with other spirits.  I recognize I am astral projecting when someone asks me in the dream what time I am going to work. Here the dream is asking me the question I normally ask myself to test and trigger a lucid dream state.  I look at my wrist and notice I do not have my watch on.  I never take my watch off for any reason, not even to shower.  Yet the missing watch is not what catches my attention. It is seeing my hand made not of flesh and blood, but instead, etheric, luminescent and transparent. I am true blue in spirit. Yet without a watch, I somehow know the time is 5 am. 

Since it is early and I am not feeling tired, I hang around with friends and show them my new-found abilities of flight.  We are all hanging out in one of the rooms of my house.  The room has very high ceilings and I can ascend within the room with merely a thought and look down over my friends below me. I can see them turning their heads and following me with their eyes as I fly around the room.  The white robe I wear elongates as I ascend and become one with the walls of the room. 

            I am having so much fun showing my friends, I feel like a child with a new toy at Christmas time.  I feel as if I have just graduated to a new level of awareness.  As one of my graduation presents, I am given an extremely large red and blue kite.  This kite is so large that I cannot keep it in my house.  My friends then suggest we take the kite to the building where I work.  I am in awe of this kite, which has wings like a bird.  The experience is exhilarating.  Upon entering the building where I work, I see that there is a large atrium which is three stories tall.  This atrium is a perfect place to hang my kite.  My friends tell me I can put my kite anywhere I want including suspending it from the atrium ceiling.

 “Why would they allow me to hang my kite in this building?” I ask. 

“Because it is your building,” they tell me. 

“My building? What do you mean, my building?” I reply. 

“It is your building and it has your name on it.  This building was named after you in recognition of all that you have done,” they say. 

I cannot believe I have a building named after me.  I then give instructions for them to hang the kite in the atrium of the building, suspended from the ceiling. 

            After all this time has passed, someone asks me, “Aren’t you going to be late for work?”  Again, I look at my wrist.  This time my awareness has grown and I realize I not only have an etheric hand, I also have an illuminated body.  Still without a watch, I somehow know the time has not changed.  It is still 5 am.

“What’s up with the time here?  How is it I know the time and why is it that the time has not changed? It’s impossible for me to be late for work,” I gather. 

            I then go back home and find that my best friend Quetta is sitting on my couch waiting for me to arrive.  I have not seen Quetta in ages.  I get all caught up in the moment, talking to him as though no time had passed since we last talked.  I sit on the couch across from him intent on listening to him talk to me.  I then have a flashback to 10 years prior to the day of his funeral when Quetta was laid to rest.  He passed away from AIDS.  I then realize this is a spirit Quetta and not a physical Quetta.

            Fully lucid, knowing this dream moment would slip past me as soon as the dream was over, I knew I had to hold on to this precious moment in time. 

Interrupting him, I blurt out, “I LOVE YOU QUETTA!  I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.” 

I cannot stop looking at him and telling him how much I love and miss him. 

“I LOVE YOU!!” 

He smiles at me with a knowing look on his face.  He understands that I know how special this moment in time is.  I keep repeating the words like a broken record unable to take my eyes off him until slowly his image begins to fade. 

As his image faded, I woke up in real life, thinking, “I made it, I finally made it to the other side and my best friend in the whole wide world. Daniel, whom I had nicknamed Quetta, was there.  I then understood it was not Quetta that had faded away, it was me who faded and returned to my waking life as I awoke from the dream.

            “But wait, what’s this?”  Fully awake, I realized I was still holding on to something. I had held on so tight in the dream, I could still feel under my covers something clutched in my hand.  I had a grip on something.  I thought this might be Quetta whom I was holding on to.  I continued to hold on tight, not knowing what to do.  I could unmistakably feel the pressure of someone’s hand locked in mine.  I was holding on to someone’s hand, but who’s?  For the life of me, I was not going to let go.  With quick thinking and a quick move, I grabbed the person’s forearm with my other hand, determined to hold on.  Under my sheets, I could now feel his forearm in my left hand.  Whose arm was this?

The sun was just beginning to come up so I could clearly see around my room.  There was no one in front of me.  I could see no one in my room, not even in spirit form, which I often do see.  I continued holding on tight to this person’s hand and forearm.  Quick thinking told me to feel my way around.  I began to run my left hand along his arm.  This person’s arm was hairless and completely smooth.  My left hand reached the outside of his hand.  I had both my hands wrapped around his right hand.  I could feel his hand and his fingers.  Something was different about this hand. It was unlike any human hand.  I could feel it as real as anything in real life and there was no mistaking I was fully awake.

            Feeling my way around, I noticed the hand was larger in size than any human hand.  My hand felt like the small hand of an infant held tightly by his father’s hand.

OH MY GOD, I knew whose hand this was.  I was holding the hand of GOD!  This was the hand of GOD!  Yet God remained invisible before my eyes.  My eyes were literally bulging out of their sockets and my heart was racing.

I carefully looked around the room when suddenly, from around an invisible presence before me, poked Quetta’s head in spirit.  There was someone standing between me and Quetta.  Someone invisible whose hand I was holding on to for dear life.  Peaking around him, Quetta motioned to me like kids do to pull the invisible presence toward me.  I knew this was my chance to see GOD with my own eyes.  This was my chance to see the face of my Lord and I was determined to do just that.  My right hand quickly reached out and grabbed his triceps and I pulled him forward with all my strength.

            From behind a veil in front of me emerged the face of a five year old boy with curly glistening blond hair, just like the curls I had when I was five years old.  As always, God was full of surprises.  Not what I had expected, I decided then to pull the child in closer for a better look.  “Who is this child that looks like me?” I wondered.

Looking into his eyes I realized this child was me. This child was none other than me at age five.  I am God and God is me, we are one.  My heart literally skipped a beat. In shock, I let go of my grip and fell back into my pillow.

I sat up in bed with my eyes wide open, thinking about what had just happened.  I then heard the front door open and the house alarm go off.  My roommate had just walked in from a late night out.  I turned to look at the clock on my nightstand and it was exactly 5 am.

It was one of the most incredible dream experiences I have ever had.   It was such an honor and a privilege to see my beloved best friend Daniel, whom I had affectionately named Quetta when growing up.  We were and still are inseparable.  Our spirits do in fact transcend physical death.  True Love is what binds us together.

God is within me.  If only for the purpose of reconnecting with our inner child, dreams are worth cultivating.  To do so, automatically brings with them all of the benefits that lie just below the surface of the dream world.

END OF DREAM —–

Dreams are universal, multidimensional and they ring true on many levels with many levels of interpretation.  I believe the boy in the dream was both me and OB1.  I remember at Daniels funeral I gave part of the eulogy.  I wrote a poem which I have somewhere and I will go looking for it soon but in it I said I wished I’d be born to him in another place and time.  I believe in reincarnation.  There is a part of me that wonders who OB1 will be.  Are we really all the same person living out distinct lives believing we are different and returning to a collective spirit when we die.  So many unanswered questions to ponder.  I do believe we are all one in spirit.  We are connected, we are both individualistic and a collective.  Christ said, “I and my father are one.”  So I must believe that I too and my father are one so wouldn’t that make us all one?

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Addendum: Socks At The Kids Table

DREAM FEARLESSLY

This isn’t a dream but it came to pass that I met a guy who happens to have a thing for socks.  It just so happens I had planned to have a date with this gentleman who I will name CJ.  I became aware that CJ was celebrating his birthday the week of our date so that week I thought it a nice gesture to get him a tiny box of chocolates along with a birthday card and a Mylar balloon.  On the day we were to have our date he had to cancel unexpectedly so I put the balloon in a vase in the dining room because it is pretty and it also gave me the opportunity to dream about the birthday parties I might have someday for my little one.   The card and chocolates I stuck in a drawer.

Later I had the Kids Table dream where in the dream the little boy re-appears to give me a piece of chocolate.  I knew my little one was calling my attention to the box of chocolate I bought for CJ.  and quite interestingly it had writing in it, writing I recognized as something I had written.

When I finally came around to having that date with CJ, I went looking for his gift.  I knew where the balloon was I just couldn’t remember where I had put the chocolates and card.  After looking all over the house I finally found the card but the box of chocolates was still nowhere to be found.  It was not in the most obvious place with the card.  I knew there could be no way I would have put all three pieces in 3 distinct places.  The box of chocolates had to be in the drawer with the cards but was mysteriously absent just like the sock that mysteriously appeared in my house one night. Yes a sock had mysteriously appeared in my house which I journalled as Mysterious Sock.  I must have originally named the post Mysterious Booty because the link WordPress assigned to the post is Mysterious Booty.  Interesting double meaning to the choice of words because CJ who you might say was a booty call has a thing for socks.  He likes them so much he wanted me to wear socks when I answered the door.  He wanted to see me wearing socks.  I felt a strong association with the missing chocolates and the socks.

Now I’ve been a bit reserved on explaining some of the meanings in the dreams because I have just not been ready to do so.  Backing up a bit if you haven’t guessed I’m in the process of having a baby.  How I came to decide to pursue this dream of having a baby is a long story which I will tell at some point.  Here i will say that the image of my child has been ever present in my dreams.  So strong that I simply cannot over look it.  The day the little booty sock showed up in my bedroom I took as a sign.  A physical manifestation or signal from spirit that this is what I am supposed to be pursuing.  When my little one who I will call OB1 (after Obi Wan Kanobe because it is a force to be reckoned with) showed up with the chocolate and having left the sock I just felt compelled to give CJ the magic sock after all he really likes socks and OB1 had given me his chocolate sock.

So after my visit with CJ we came to a point in our conversation where he was telling me that he is an elementary school teacher.  I then mentioned that I may someday need advice.  I then asked him if he had noticed my vision board in my bedroom where I have cut out magazine pictures of babies.  I also have on there a few pictures of handsome men who can ether represent what I would envision my son to look like as a grown man or if God so chooses (lord knows I’ve prayed) a handsome man for me who is worthy of a relationship.  I also have one special picture I cut out of a man especially for me.  He is an uber handsome man who wears a T-shirt that reads DREAM FEARLESSLY.  As we were looking at my board I suddenly realized the one picture of the man I placed in the middle with the Dream T-shirt looks exactly like CJ.  A striking resemblance.  Maybe someday I’ll ask his permission to post his picture here. It’s nothing short of a miracle.

Now I am not jumping to any conclusions oh CJ although he is definitely handsome as one can be but with all the heavenly chimes ringing there is a a message obviously intended for me.   I take the message to be God has heard my prayer and has clearly demonstrated nothing is beyond his capacity to make manifest and he / she does communicate with me in dreams.

If I look at my board I had placed a picture of a beautiful woman who is pregnant in a rainbow colored bathing suit smiling and enjoying the sun.  I place her there so that God would bring me a surrogate.  I have been matched with a surrogate with whom I also share a magical story.  See Santa’s Paradox.  The morning I was introduced to her I woke up to find the Grinch sitting beside my bed.  That day I received her profile and one of the pictures was of her and her family during Christmas with her husband dressed up as the Grinch.

Dreams are so incredible with a wealth of fairy dust to guide.  It’s ashamed we don’t spend more time reflecting on them.  I hope to someday share with OB1 how it came to be.

__________

Side bar: The Tab is on Me: Why 753?