Recovery – Page 2 – Ruben Bailey

April 30, 2008

Hypnagogia: The Tong of Tongs

Last night I turned off the lights in my bedroom and laid in bed to meditate. It was such a wonderful meditation that I completely lost myself in the experience. As I began to come back to awareness of where I was I was hearing a voice gently guiding me back through what seemed to be a hypnotic session; “…and when you open your eyes you will remember everything.” I opened my eyes to see a man kneeling on my bed looking at me. He was transparent, etheric and blue in color. As I adjusted my perception to see him better, I noticed he wasn’t exactly a man. He was an ape man like the ones in “Planet of the Apes.” In his hand he held out a tong of some sort with a gripper at the end. I knew he had to be trying to communicate something to me. By this time I couldn’t remember whatever it was he had hypnotized me to remember. I looked at him with a puzzled and confused look. He then produced a pad and writing utensil and made as if he was writing. I then understood. To acknowledge my understanding, I in turn made as if I was writing while nodding my head. I understood, I was to write about it and the memories or revelations would come to me. Maybe he was preparing to give me a dream. I quickly grabbed my voice recorder and recorded this initial experience so I would not forget.

Early in the morning hours I woke up with the urge to go to the bathroom. I got up and paused for a moment trying to think back if I had had any dreams. I couldn’t remember anything. I proceeded to go to the bathroom. I then returned to bed, thinking, “Those tongs had to have been gibberish.” When I laid back down, I immediately began having a dream while fully awake. I was in Miami at the condo Joe and I had when we were together. There were people looking in through a veiled window in the door. I recognized the scene. After my near death experience and on those using days during my last relapse, my struggle to get clean, I was haunted by other worldly entities and earthly beings who I believed were earth bound spirits or 4th dimensional spirits in the astral worlds who were attracted to the energy vibrations I gave off while using. I basically could no longer use and be alone because I would instantly drop into altered states of consciousness triggered by the drugs. While in these states I would encounter both love based and fear based entities. I know now they were not hallucinations because I have these same experiences while clean except they now only come while meditating or in the twilight hours as I’m going in and out of the dream states ie. the hypnagogia states. I am simply much more receptive now after the near death to these experiences. This part of my life I could fill a whole book, which will come later. For now, it will suffice to say that I understood the vision.

Those I perceived to be good people (the police) from this other dimension were coming to hold me accountable for my drug use. I willingly surrendered. They placed black tie wraps around my wrists. They then proceeded to arrest me and my parents who are in their 80’s and very fragile. “Wait,” I told them, “what do you want with my family. They should not be subject to an arrest. They are too frail, it would kill them.” This angered me. Compelled to save my mom and dad from a power hungry group of police, I suddenly had a flash of insight, “OPEN YOUR EYES”. But first, I reached over and removed the tie wraps that imprisoned my parents. As I did, I told the police officer that I would not allow him to misuse his power. I then opened my eyes. I was now safely back in my bed.

Feeling unsatisfied with the way I had left the situation, I felt the need to return to somehow change the course of events for the better. I closed my eyes and reappeared in the scene. The cops were gone now. I and my family were now free. I looked around for a way out of this mess I had created. I somehow knew I needed to leave Miami and head home. I prepared for our exit. I looked out on the Bay of Biscayne where ships were beginning to line the perimeter monitoring my every move. We took flight and flew North West in between two ships banking right when we cleared the perimeter; again I opened my eyes.

I still didn’t know what the tongs had to do with any of this so when I got to work I looked up the word in Wikipedia. To my incredible surprise, I found quite curiously the proof of God’s existence. This next part is beyond words. According to Wikipedia:

Tongs also have a special place in matters of theology. An opinion cited in Pirke Avot (Ethics of the Fathers), a Talmudic tractate, states that God created “the original tongs, for tongs must be made with tongs.” Jewish thinkers therefore have used tongs as proof to God’s existence.

I was beside myself. I still didn’t know what was meant by it but simply that Tongs could be used to prove God’s existence was a miracle for me. It was a tool I could use. Was my visitor saying, I am on the road to proving God’s existence? This is my passion to do. So what’s the story with the Tongs? I needed to know more so here is what I found.

The Tong of Tongs

The rabbis of the Mishnah compiled various lists of items that they claimed were created “at twilight on the eve of the first Sabbath.” Most of those items are associated with spectacular biblical miracles, such as the mannah, Balaam’s talking donkey, and the fissure that opened to swallow up Korach and his rebellious congregation.

Maimonides argued plausibly that the lesson underlying this tradition is that God’s true greatness is manifested in the unchanging laws of nature, and not in the ability to arbitrarily suspend or abrogate those laws. Accordingly, even wondrous events that appear to us as contraventions of the natural order were in reality programmed into the structure of the universe at the time of its creation.

The Maharal of Prague explained that the concept of “twilight” is to be grasped as a metaphor for the subtle metaphysical dimension in which miracles originate. Just as the visible twilight is no more than an indefinable moment in the subtle transition from day to night, so are we to understand that the creation of miracles occurred in a realm that is outside of time, in the infinitesimal present moment that is forever sandwiched between the past and the future. Within this moment lies a dynamic potentiality for change and improvement in response to constantly changing circumstances.

At any rate, not all the phenomena that the rabbis portrayed as having been created on that first Friday evening relate to high-profile miracles. According to Rabbi Judah bar Ilai, the list should also include… the first pair of blacksmith’s tongs.

Among the ancients, the ability to fashion metal into tools and weapons was often enveloped in an aura of mystery, or even fear. In primitive cultures, blacksmiths were perceived as masters of occult lore, and pagan mythologies sang of divine smiths who forged weapons for the gods.

However, as the Talmud explains it, Rabbi Judah’s reasoning was based on much more prosaic and rational considerations. When a blacksmith fashions a pair of tongs in the forge, the only way he can handle the red-hot metal is with tongs. Since we are speaking of the manufacture of the first pair of tongs, this possibility did not exist. Ergo, the first pair must have been provided directly by the Creator himself.

Indeed, the argument sounds irrefutable.

In its modest and whimsical way, Rabbi Judah was employing the same method of proof that was adopted by the great philosophers in order to speculate about such weighty questions as the origins of the universe or the existence of God. For each observable phenomenon, these thinkers would persist in asking what was its cause or what set it into motion. Eventually, as it was no longer possible to keep posing such questions ad infinitum, they were forced to posit the existence of an Unmoved Mover, an Uncaused Cause, or a similar hypothesis, in order to account for the existence of the world.

Nevertheless, there were sages in the Talmud who challenged the cogency Rabbi Judah’s reasoning. It was possible, they argued, that the person who made the first tongs did so simply by first making a tong-shaped mold, and then filling it with molten iron.

For the Maharal, the significance of placing the tongs at the end of the Mishnah’s catlogue of prefabricated miracles lies precisely in the fact that they are the least supernatural item in the list The mention of the creation of the first tongs alongside the more dazzling wonders of the biblical past serves to underscore the lesson that God’s concern for human needs does not always manifest itself in the spectacular pyrotechnics of split seas or burning bushes.

A similar approach was advocated by the 17th-18th century author Rabbi Jacob Culi whose Judeo-Spanish compendium Me’am Lo’ez is one of the most beloved commentaries among Sepharadic Jews.

From the rabbinic discussion about the origins of the tongs, Rabbi Culi derives a profound moral insight into the divine plan for creation.

He argues that people should not be disheartened by the fact that they were created with imperfections and moral shortcomings. On the contrary, the example of the tongs teaches us that the Almighty will always furnish us with any articles that are truly necessary to correct the deficiencies of the human situation.

If this is true with respect to the material advantages inherent in a simple blacksmith’s tongs, how much more does it apply to the religious realm; so that we can be confident that the Almighty will always equip us with powerful spiritual resources that will allow us to overcome our temptations and limitations.

First Publication:
Jewish Free PressJune 20 2002, p. 6.
Taken From: Eliezer Segal’s articles

I was also curious why my hypnotist appeared as an ape man; maybe to imply the beginning of time? Here too I went to Wikipedia and found out something I didn’t know concerning “Planet of the Apes.”

The main events of the book are placed in a frame story, in which Jinn and Phillys, a couple out on a pleasure cruise in a spaceship, find a message in a bottle floating in space. The message inside the bottle is the log of a man, Ulysse Mérou, who has written down his story in hopes that someone else, somewhere, will find it.

.. a message in a bottle floating in space which was the log of a man… That sounds just like my blog. I blog my dreams and experience hoping someone out there will hear me and respond. Is it possible someone out in the universe heard my song? Am I the ape man?

I told you this stuff is out of this world!!! The rest I’m saving for my next book.

April 25, 2008

Giv Dar; Shahnameh

This morning when my alarm sounded I promptly hit the snooze button. I immediately noticed beside my bed was standing an alien Being from another dimension. He was what I would consider to be very hideous. His skin was a khaki tan hybrid color with a leathery wet look. He was some form of humanoid creature. I thought, “Wow, he is ugly.” I was however not afraid. I want to know who these visitors are and why they have been seeking me out. I thought it important to note the time on my alarm clock. It was 7am sharp. I then felt my body jerk abruptly as I was lifted by my mid-section. I felt the right side of my face scrap what felt like concrete. I passed out for a few moments. It all happened so quickly.

When I regained consciousness I was lying face down. I could feel the pain in my face from the impact when I landed. I could vaguely remember my face hitting the ground yet my surroundings was still my bedroom but I somehow knew I was no longer in my bedroom. My nose and sinuses were full of mucus. I rolled slightly to my side. My alien visitor was beside me examining me. I did not fear. This was my chance to figure out what they want from me. As I looked at him, I immediately had a vision.

This vision was unique in that everything happened concurrently as if I was outside of linear time. I will describe it linearly but I can’t honestly say what happened first. I was also completely awake the entire time.

I traveled at great speed over a desert landscape. I was without a doubt on another planet possibly Venus or Mercury because the sun was at least twice the size it is on Earth. Even though it was early morning, I could see the sun in all its fullness. I was amazed at the clarity with which I was viewing this other reality. I was completely immersed in my new reality. I could see people. I stared into their faces noting all features. Not one detail was omitted. This was not a dream. They were human like me possibly gods from another planet. It reminded me of Egypt but the desert sand was red like it is in New Mexico. The landscape was also very jagged. People here lived not in houses but in the sand. There were many beautiful white and gold temples. The landscape was breathtaking. I walked among the people. Many wore saffron robes that flowed with the breeze. There were children present too. As I walked among them I could hear their thoughts. I presume they could hear mine because they were talking to me telepathically and responding to my every thought.

I had the impression I was in some sort of rehabilitation compound. I wanted to experience my new reality so I accepted it. I accepted this new life around me. As they were examining me. A young man with a kind face drew blood from my arm. He said, “Hold still.” I could hear the heart monitor in the distance. I could see the blood as it began to flow through the tubing but it didn’t seem to come from me. I felt nothing. I heard him say, “You can let go now.” I then heard the heart monitor go flat with a single sustained tone. I thought to myself, “Have I died? Is this the end? Is this how I died?” My next thought was? “OK, I’ll go with it.” I accepted my death if that was what had just occurred. I didn’t care. I simply wanted to continue the experience to see where it would lead.

As I was being examined, a Being very different from the original one at my bedside came upon those attending me and said to them, “This one is one of ours.” I was lead away on a cart that floated above the ground like a hover craft. There were now military personnel among those present. I was allowed to gather some of my belongings from a nearby locker. In the locker was a leather backpack I had purchased many years ago when I went to Greece during a pilgrimage to the Holy Land, Egypt and Israel. I was surprised to see a cell phone in one of its pockets. I had never seen this cell phone before but somehow I recognized it as mine. It had many features with many buttons which looked more like a remote control than a cell phone. I was told that I could use it at any time to call for help. I was warned however not to use a certain set of features which were presently grayed out.

There was a gentleman standing next to me while I was searching through my locker. As I stood there puzzled with what I had found….our hands touched. I felt an incredible sense of love in his touch flow through Him and to me. I knew the touch to be a silent acknowledgment of the presence of Spirit. I knew God was with me.

The lockers suddenly shifted and I could not remember which of the many lockers was mine. Having my leather bag in hand, I asked the kind gentleman if he would care for my bag in his locker. He then gave me the combination and address of his locker. I was surprised that he had that level of trust in me enough to give me his personal information. He didn’t seem to think twice about it. The lockers then shifted again and became a book case filled with books of all sorts. I suddenly had access to a wealth of knowledge.

I was then taken on the hover craft to survey the land. I observed everything very carefully trying hard to remember all details to bring back with me…assuming I made it back I wanted to be able to journal it all. I looked and found the year in which I now found myself. The year was 3684. We passed by the foundation of what was once the World Trade Center. The towers no longer stood here. There was not even a city that remained. I knew I needed to bring something back. This was inportant information. New York was a thing of the past. I could see the remnants of a building that once stood here. Atop the building read, “Giv Dar.” Even though this place had been devastated….there was a sense of incredible peace. I sensed the presense of those who died here.

Upon returning to the rehabilitation compound I was greeted by others. They asked me where I had been taken. I answered, “The Place of Death”. They immediately read my thoughts. They were able to see everything I have experienced in this lifetime. I was an open book to them. In the face of death I found peace.

The vision faded as my consciousness returned. My gaze was set upon my alarm clock which now read 7:40am.

Having done my research I found:

I looked up Giv in Wikipedia which redirected me to “Shahnameh,” or the “The Book of Kings.” Dar seems to mean a place or city and is hindu word which is Sanskrit for “supporter”. It’s is usually associated with a geographical place such as Dar es Shalaam.

Shāhnāmé, or Shāhnāma (Persian: شاهنامه )(alternative spellings are Shahnama, Shahnameh, Shahname, Shah-Nama, etc.), “The Book of Kings” , is an enormous poetic opus written by the Persian poet Ferdowsi around 1000 CE and is the national epic of the Persian-speaking world. The Shāhnāmeh tells the mythical and historical past of Iran from the creation of the world up until the Islamic conquest of Iran in the 7th century.

My co-worker is Iranian so I asked him about Shahnameh. I was suprised to find out that he knew the writing well. I wanted to understand how the word Giv possibly related to this work. He told me that Giv in one of the main characters in the Epic.

April 4, 2008

Friday's Hope

Last night, I set my alarm half an hour earlier to allow myself a little more time in the morning to mediate before getting out of bed. During the night I had a dream where I was actively within my addictions. I want to act out before my partner comes home with the dry cleaning. As I stand in the kitchen contemplating how I might accomplish this and get away with it, I see his car pull up in front of the house. Not having enough time to follow through with it, I set my intentions aside. He is arriving with a man who is going to do our taxes. They walk up the front steps and ring the doorbell. I open the door and welcome them into the house. They walk over and sit at my dining room table. I ask them if they would like some eggs for breakfast to which the tax man asks, “How many ways can you serve up eggs?” I’m insulted because he knows what my earlier thoughts were. I want to run, because there is nothing worse than being called to the carpet. As I turn to walk away, I see other men in black, tax collectors, arriving at the house. There is nowhere for me to run. I have no other means of escaping than to fly away and end the dream. My consciousness begins rise. The tax collectors rush in and begin grabbing at my feet to pull me back to hold me accountable. I reach down and try to break myself loose but now they have both my feet and arms.

I slowly begin to awaken still struggling to free myself. As I open my eyes I could see the two men now on all 4’s on my bed pulling at both my arms. They were literally pulling on me. I could still feel and see them in this wakeful state.

Now awake, I no longer felt threatened. I clearly examined the two men before me. One of the two men had a gold coin resting on his upper lip. As I began to relax, I acknowledged them and they released their grip on my arms. They began to float away headed toward my headboard. I followed the man with the gold coin and as his face floated by me, I quickly reached up to grab at the coin. I over shot my reach and instead my fist bumped his nose. He and the coin changed trajectory and disappeared. My alarm clock sounded. How coincidental was that, I thought to myself?

I turned off my alarm and began my meditation remaining wakeful and aware. I immediately reentered the dream where now I find myself aboard an aircraft. I get up out of my seat and walk over to look out the many windows. I can clearly see several planets below. They are so beautiful. I start screaming and shaking people’s seats saying, “Look, Look, Look there are planets outside.” I am in total amazement that I am experiencing this space voyage fully awake. I can’t stop looking out the window and admiring the incredible beauty that is these planets.

The aircraft begins its decent into the atmosphere of one of the planets. I am speechless, breathless and in total awe. The craft finally lands on the surface of the planet and the inhabitants on board the aircraft begin to disembark. I’m afraid that if I disembark I will not be allowed to return to my earthly reality. Knowing this is what I’ve always dreamed of experiencing; interstellar travel, I disembark. The feeling as I walked off the craft was so incredible. It felt as if I had actually crossed over completely into another dimension. I was no longer simply peering into this other dimension from within my meditation; I was now fully part of it. The people were slightly different than humans but in every sense very much human. I remember saying to myself, “They are just like me.” There were so many people going about their business. I then walked down a residential street where I came across two children playing. I observed them briefly and continued walking. I then turned around to take another look at them from afar. Something was not right with this picture. I stood there at a distance trying to figure out the anomaly. It then hit me. The houses were new but abandoned and the children playing were on a continuous loop. I was alone. Saddened, I retreated into myself. My dream body then became an orb of light. As my consciousness started to drift away, I saw another young girl sitting on the sidewalk playing jacks. She looked at me and said, “Please, don’t go back to your isolation.” The little girl knew me.

Next to her appeared a penny on the ground. I reached for the penny. I picked it up and looked at it. It was a penny from their world. I wanted to give the little girl a penny from my world but I did not have one with me. I then turned to look at her again and noticed there were now many pennies, gold coins of all kinds lying on the ground. I picked up several of them to examine them. They were very shiny and beautiful. I knew I was in a world where poverty was non-existent. I was filled with a renewed sense of hope.

Wanting to know more about this world, I looked around to see if I could see a street sign that could clue me into where I was. There was one street sign with the number 12 on it. At the bottom it read, “Friday”. The sign also had Arabic writing on it. I am worried that I might be somewhere in the Middle East but in this desert there is water; waters flowing with life. The little girl then reached out her hand and I reached back to accept hers. I then slowly opened my eyes to end my meditation. In front of me was a woman whose hand I held. She was completely illuminated with vibrant pale blue and gold colors. She was Hope. I held her hand not wanting the experience to end.

Amazing! God is simply amazing. There would truly be peace in the world if people pursued knowing their true self through prayer, meditation and dreams. The combination has the potential to crack open and awaken the hardest of souls.

As is customary for me to do, I looked up the word Friday in Webster’s dictionary. To my surprise:

Friday

The sixth day of the week.

prehistoric translation of Latin dies Veneris Venus’ day

before 12th century

April 2, 2008

Christened by Sir Elton John

As I lay in bed meditating, I began to drift off as a dream began while I was still semi- conscious.

I am in a church. All the ornate walls are made of a natural wood. They are about ready to deliver the Eucharist. As I look around the room, I notice I am the only one standing in the congregation other than a clergy member who is assisting the priest. I cannot see the priest because of a blinding white light that is coming from the pulpit. In an unusual move the clergy member walks off to my left presumable to retrieve Eucharist for the priest to deliver. He walks over to a sliding closet door imbedded in the wall of the church. He slides the door with ease to the left As if the church were on casters; the entire outer walls of the church begin to shift with the moving door. The sound of the great massive walls sliding across the floor wakes me up from my semi-conscious state. As if to remind me where I am in the dream, I hear my consciousness say to me, “He is about ready to deliver the Eucharist.” Attentive now, I see him reach for a robe that is hanging in the closet. It is the robe worn by Christ at the last supper which has remained hidden within the walls of the church. The light is now ever more blinding such that I can barely see anyone through the light. I then feel the robe being placed over my head and upon my body. I am in beside myself.

I slowly opened my eyes. Standing upon my bed was a translucent tall statuesque woman. She wore a rather large pair of glasses which reminded me of Elton John. She held an open hymnal in one hand. Her face was completely illuminated as if an orchestra light was reflecting off the pages of the hymnal. We acknowledged each other telepathically.

Relates to: Knights

October 24, 2007

Confronted by the Achilles’ heel to see with the Eyes of God

Last night’s dreams came with a sense of profound importance. Twice I awoke abruptly to see the presence of spirit energy before my eyes. The first dream was somewhat of a false awakening except I was not in the process of awakening but instead I was in the process of being put to sleep.

I normally keep my wallet on the nightstand beside my bed. In the dream I notice someone casually walking through my house. He did not look suspicious but I somehow knew I could not trust him. He seemed to have come looking for something specific. He passed by my wallet and I knew he had found what he had come for. I immediately got up in the dream. My wallet was still on the nightstand but I knew it was not my wallet he was after it was my identity. I called to my attendant to intercede and block him from leaving the house. The man was rushing down the stairs but at the bottom of the stairs was standing my attendant. I went for it and jump propelling my heels forward in the air down the stairs as I back kick him with my heel giving him a great blow to the forehead.

The impact woke me up. I awoke to find his head wrapped in my arms in a neck lock as I stuggled to drag him into my world to hold him accountable. I could litterally feel the touch of his body against mine. I opened my eyes and saw the man now knocked unconscious struggling to get up off the floor. His image appeared floating above me as he lain sideways with his legs drawn to one side. He looked at me as if to say, “Why did you attack me?” I immediately sat up in bed and pointed at him and telepathically told him, “You are the one who stole my identity.” He looked at me shocked and in total disbelief. Angered, I got up out of bed and walked down the hallway and sat on the commode for a few minutes while I attempted to calm down. I then returned to bed and recorded the details of what had just happened in my voice recorder.

I meditated until I started to drift off again. I immediately returned to the scene of the crime. I became aware that in having had my identity stolen, I had in essence lost my ability to see. Knowing this and knowing I was lucid now in this visioning state, I envisioned through my third eye having now recovered my eyes. I now held my right eye in my right hand and my left in my left. I gently raised them up and placed them back into the sockets of my eyes. I opened my eyes (in the vision) and I immediately saw a radiant orange gladiator of a gentleman rush over to help supervise the operation. He was of the faerie realm. He looked at me and confirmed that I had placed them properly in my head.

I then heard a voice say, “Now he sees with the Eyes of God.” Amazed that now I could see collectively with my three eyes, I remained there intent on seeing the many colors of the rainbow. I watched as the beautiful colors swirled with pulsating light all around me. I wondered if my physical vision had changed any so I opened my physical eyes and saw the image of the radiant orange gladiator floating in my room watching over me. I noticed how the eyes of the gladiator were blue. He then gently closed his eyes and fell asleep before me. I too then closed my eyes and fell into a dream.

In the dream, I am visiting my ex Michael who now lives in California. He has invited me and my sister to stay at his place. As I walk into his apartment, I notice the same as being very small. It is a tiny one bedroom apartment. This is way too small to accommodate any number of guests but is perfectly suited for him alone. He has wonderful friendly neighbors and all the accommodations anyone could possibly ask for. They have community activities. One of those to which he takes my sister and I, is that of candle making. I want to have some time alone with Michael. So I close the door and we begin to talk. I am reminiscent of the times we spent together accompanying each other through life. I miss that time. I would like to have that again but I know that this situation is the best possible situation for Michael at this point in time. I know that he needs to be encouraged to remain where he is at. I can be happy that we had time to build together many candles that tower several feet high.

In the morning when I was going over my voice recordings from the night, it struck me as being curious that I struck the man with my heel. The word Achilles heel came to mind. I tried to think back to the story of Achilles but my mind confused it with the story of Oedipus and all I could remember was that he unknowingly marries his mother and has children by her. Somehow I knew there had to be more to the story.

When I got to work I looked up the story of Achilles.

An Achilles’ heel is a fatal weakness in spite of overall strength, actually or potentially leading to downfall. While the mythological origin refers to a physical vulnerability, metaphorical references to other attributes or qualities that can lead to their downfall are common. According to a myth arising later, his mother, Thetis, had dipped the infant Achilles in the river Styx, holding onto him by his heel, and he became invulnerable where the waters touched him — that is, everywhere but the areas covered by her thumb and forefinger — implying that only a heel wound could have been his downfall.

I immediately knew what the dream was referring to without question. Those fatal choices of that past if repeated would be my undoing. There is a Divine Intelligence that is speaking to me with wisdom beyond the physical. So my question now was, was my initial confusion between the Oedipus and Achilles stories intentional? I then went to look up the Oedipus story.

Oedipus was the son of Laius and Jocasta and became king of Thebes after killing his father, solving the riddle of the Sphinx and unknowingly marrying and having children by his mother.

Laius hears a prophecy that his son will kill him. Fearing the prophecy, Laius pierces Oedipus’ feet and leaves him out to die, but a herdsman finds him and takes him away from Thebes. Oedipus, not knowing he was adopted, leaves home in fear of the same prophecy that he would kill his father and marry his mother. Laius, meanwhile, ventures out to find a solution to the Sphinx’s riddle. As prophesied, Oedipus crossed paths with Laius and this leads to a fight where Oedipus slays Laius. Oedipus then defeats the Sphinx by solving a mysterious riddle to become king. He marries the widow queen Jocasta not knowing she is his mother. A plague falls on the people of Thebes. Upon discovery of the truth, Oedipus blinds himself and Jocasta hangs herself. After Oedipus is no longer king, Oedipus’ sons kill each other.

Wow…apparently it was intentional. How similar to my dream, where I too am blind. In solving the mystery of the Sphinx I regained my sight. We possibly have a continuation of the story here. Maybe these mythical stories are told for a reason. My subconscious mind seems to know them better than I do. You’d have to be blind in both eyes not to be able to see the synchronous threads here.

September 18, 2007

Signed by the Coneheads

This morning upon snoozing my alarm, I laid in bed to meditate. I immediately had a vision that was so incredibly clear. My consciousness was hovering over and peering into another dimension. This had a sense of the faerie realms that I’ve become familiar with. I appeared to be in a schoolhouse in a dark shadowy forest. I saw a group of short stocky little old ladies with long skirts. They seemed to move with one mind. They had a great sense of connectedness. I could see their thoughts move gracefully between them. It was like watching a school of fish move. They were Coneheads about 4 feet tall. Their heads were about a third of the size of their bodies. They all wore identical cone shaped hats on their heads which reminded me of the pictures my brother Paz brought back with him of his time in the Vietnam. He had taken pictures of the Vietnamese walking through the rice fields with their cone shaped hats. They all appeared to have their backs toward me looking forward and they appeared to be walking backwards as if time was moving backwards. I made myself a mental note to look up information on the Coneheads when I got to work. My alarm then sounded and I got up to get ready for work.

Here is how I know these visions come from a higher intelligent source. It is a source that is trying to get my attention to help me in some way achieve my goals in life. Quite possibly these beings are in my life to help me execute the code which I’ve been procrastinating and reluctant to issue. Yesterday while standing on the train station platform, I had a flash of insight regarding the knowledge of this code which I carry. If I know what this code is, both backwards and forwards, what is it? What do I know so intimately well? It had to be something so close to me so present in my every moment of my life. It then hit me. My life is the code. I am that code. “I am” is that code. Is this the revelation Christ had when he said, I am that I am? To live my life with divine purpose and in harmony with the life force energy that surrounds me is to place into motion that magic code that unlocks the mysteries of life to give you vision beyond your wildest dreams.

Here is how I know this is true. The universe confirmed itself by way of synchronicity as it always has in guiding my path. When I got to work, I looked up Coneheads using Wikipedia. It brought up what I expected namely information on the Saturday Night Live sketch staring Dan Aykroyd and Jane Curtin. The Coneheads were an “alien” family. Here again are my aliens. It also said, “Dan Aykroyd developed the idea for the Coneheads based on the Moai, the mysterious and ancient stone statues of Easter Island, which had similarly conical heads.” So I followed the lead and looked up Moai.

“Moai or “Moˀai” are monolithic human figures carved from rock on Rapa Nui / Easter Island, mostly between 1250 and 1500 CE. Nearly half are still at Rano Raraku the main Moai quarry, but hundreds were transported from there and set on Ahu (platforms) which were mostly at the islands perimeter. Almost all have overly large heads three fifths the size of their body. The Moai are the “living faces” (aringa ora) and representations of chiefly, deified ancestors.”

In looking at the pictures of the statues they look just like my Coneheads in my multidimensional vision this morning. The picture of them even show them all facing the same direction just as in my vision.

Reading further, you see where some of the stone monoliths are depicted wearing a stone hat on their head. The stone used for the hats has a red color to it. Yeah…you could say they wore Red Hood’s. Not only that, but the hats were cylindrical and stacked like a cone. These hats are called Pukao topknots.

The Pukao were all carved from a very light red volcanic stone scoria, which was quarried from a single source at Puna Pau. The Pukao was balanced as a separate piece on top of a Moai‘s head.

Punau Pau where the hats come from is a quarry in a small crater or cinder cone on the outskirts of Hanga Roa in the South West of Easter Island (a Chilean island in the Pacific Ocean).

Coneheads! I knew nothing about any of this. It is amazing how it all relates to each other with such divine synchronicity.

September 17, 2007

Dealing With Repressed Sexual Issues

Comment on the last two dreams:
I vaguely remembered the story of Red Riding Hood from my childhood. I looked up the story on Wikipedia to see what else I might be able to glean off this last dream. I was struck by three things mentioned on Wikipedia about the fairy tale.

1) The symbol of RRH being cut out of the wolf’s belly as a representation of the dawning.

2) The story seen as a sexual awakening or a parable of sexual maturity.

3) As a warning to stay on the path.

It always amazes me how insightful my dreams are. What they reveal is always profound. Just last week I became willing to uncover another layer of my recovery that centers on sex and love issues. It has come as a result of my deep dissillusionment with the dating scene now that I am single. I’m just now getting to the point where I have sought out help from yet another support group in addition to my therapist. I have finally reached a point where I feel I can talk through my repressed and disassociated feelings. Many of these issues go back to my childhood. In my earlier dream where I am taking a shower to prepare myself for my date who is to arrive in 20 minutes, I instantly knew I had repressed layer upon layer (the t-shrirts) of childhood feelings regarding my sexuality. I need to work through those old feelings of feeling dirty and unclean in people’s eyes. I knew I was gay before I ever knew what sex was. I was probably in the 2nd grade a the time. I also know in order for me to ever have a healthy relationship in the future, I have to start by coming to terms with my behaviors surrounding my last relationship. On the bright side, it has the promise of being a short process, 20 minutes is not a long time to wait for a date to arrive into my life. I think most of the work has already been done. I’m already living a new life. The spiritual void I have been feeling as a result of my dissillusionment I believe God has given me so that I won’t gloss over my past as I have always done. I simply have to stop procrastinating and get in touch with those past feelings so that I can move forward and finally mature sexually. I even signed up to go on a spiritual retreat with 33 other members of this support group for a weekend of workshops and sharing. I’m looking forward to finally getting this stuff off my chest. I’m going to purge it all and allow God to lighten my burdens.

September 15, 2007

Uncovering Layers From My Childhood

Early this morning, I had a dream where a guy who I’ve been working on getting together with for a date, calls me on the phone. He asks me if I’m still interested because he has some free time today. Excited at the prospect of a date, I tell him that I am interested. He tells me it would have to be now since he has a commitment later in the evening. He lives over near the aquarium shop where I frequently go. I’ve traveled his path often. I’m trying to give him directions but for some reason I’m having trouble remembering the turns he should take. He tells me it should only take him about 20 minutes to get to my house. I am thinking it will give me just enough time to shower and get ready.

I hang up the phone and proceed to jump in the shower. I notice the shower is configured exactly like the one we had when I was a child living on Crown Hill. Instead of having the knobs and showerhead at one end, they are mounted along the long part of the shower tub. I feel dirty, sweaty and gritty. I jump in the shower and begin washing myself. I then realize I still have my t-shirt on. I quickly take it off and continue showering. Same thing happens. I’m feeling unclean again. I then notice I have another t-shirt on which is sticking to my skin. Again with a bit of difficulty, I remove the second t-shirt and continue showering.

Again, I’m feeling dirty. I then notice I have yet another shirt on. What is going on? I’m looking at the t-shirt and it is a t-shirt from my childhood which now fits way too tight on me. Underneath that one I have 5 other layers of shirts on underneath. They are all sticking to my skin with the water from the shower. They are all shirts from different periods of my childhood. I can’t get them off because they are simply too tight. I need help getting them off but no one is around to help me.

My ex Joe walks into the bathroom. I feel awkward about asking him to help me get ready for a date but he is the only one around who can help me. At this point, I’m more interested in getting rid of this feeling of being dirty. Underneath the shirts my skin is raw and very sensitive. I realize my skin has not seen the light of day in a very long time. I want to remove the shirts and allow the water to refresh my skin; to breathe freely. I know I won’t be able to be intimate with someone until I allow time for my skin to heal. I ask Joe to help me take the shirts off my back.