Early this morning, I had a dream where a guy who I’ve been working on getting together with for a date, calls me on the phone. He asks me if I’m still interested because he has some free time today. Excited at the prospect of a date, I tell him that I am interested. He tells me it would have to be now since he has a commitment later in the evening. He lives over near the aquarium shop where I frequently go. I’ve traveled his path often. I’m trying to give him directions but for some reason I’m having trouble remembering the turns he should take. He tells me it should only take him about 20 minutes to get to my house. I am thinking it will give me just enough time to shower and get ready.
I hang up the phone and proceed to jump in the shower. I notice the shower is configured exactly like the one we had when I was a child living on Crown Hill. Instead of having the knobs and showerhead at one end, they are mounted along the long part of the shower tub. I feel dirty, sweaty and gritty. I jump in the shower and begin washing myself. I then realize I still have my t-shirt on. I quickly take it off and continue showering. Same thing happens. I’m feeling unclean again. I then notice I have another t-shirt on which is sticking to my skin. Again with a bit of difficulty, I remove the second t-shirt and continue showering.
Again, I’m feeling dirty. I then notice I have yet another shirt on. What is going on? I’m looking at the t-shirt and it is a t-shirt from my childhood which now fits way too tight on me. Underneath that one I have 5 other layers of shirts on underneath. They are all sticking to my skin with the water from the shower. They are all shirts from different periods of my childhood. I can’t get them off because they are simply too tight. I need help getting them off but no one is around to help me.
My ex Joe walks into the bathroom. I feel awkward about asking him to help me get ready for a date but he is the only one around who can help me. At this point, I’m more interested in getting rid of this feeling of being dirty. Underneath the shirts my skin is raw and very sensitive. I realize my skin has not seen the light of day in a very long time. I want to remove the shirts and allow the water to refresh my skin; to breathe freely. I know I won’t be able to be intimate with someone until I allow time for my skin to heal. I ask Joe to help me take the shirts off my back.