Category: Enlightenment

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Love

My second partner Michael who held 10 yrs of my life.

August 3, 2018

Last night I had a dream where I am in a line of people not quite sure what we are waiting for.  I am with my mother who is old and in a wheel chair.  I am protecting her.  Along the path where we walk are cutouts small rooms with 3 walls.  Occasionally people pause while they wait in line to reflect on what each room holds.  While standing in line your vision is restricted to the cutout room directly in front of you.  I am standing in front of my mom.  It is has been my belief we are at the end of the line whoever I become aware of a man who has been standing behind my mom.  I have missed noticing him because he has been engaged in each of the rooms as the line has moved.  I on the other hand have been waiting in line with my mom not entering the cutouts.  To satisfy my curiosity who might be standing behind my mom I walk behind her now in a position to see into the cutout where the man stands.  I discover the man in the room is Michael.  My second partner.  He looks amazingly beautiful.  All the reasons I fell in love with him come rushing back.  His hair glistens in the light of the sun and his beard seems to reflect the rays of the sun.  Yet even with all this love for him I feel I need to scold him for his actions.  I somehow feel he might have done some wrong against my mother.  I want him to know I stand to protect my mom.  I also feel he has hurt me.  A part of me if mad over the pain he has created in my life.

As I stand there in discussion with him, I begin to become aware of the dream.  Knowing I’m in a dream now I look at “Michael” and wonder what else might he be here to represent.  With my mind focused on OB and feeling the love deep within me.  I can feel it radiating out warmly by the sun reflecting off his golden hair.

My alarm rings and I wake up to snooze it.  I quickly close my eyes trying desperately to return to the dream.  My inner eye now sees cartoon characters.  These are very similar to yesterday’s except these appear to be presented for a mature audience.  The characters are dressed in cartoon suits, some I notice look like formal wear.  They seem to be gathering for a celebration.  I see their cartoon hair is black and well presented with clear delineation and  distinction.  They appear to be happy and proud.  My alarm rings a second time.

~~~~~~ DREAM ENDS

As I was journalling my dream and describing the cutout rooms I had a very strong feeling that each room represented a day in my life.  I seem to be stuck not engaging fully in each day because I am attached to the idea that I must care for my mother.  My mother in her wheel chair seemed unable to enjoy each day either.  I was unaware of Michael’s nearby presence because he was in engaged in life.  There is also the idea that I’m stuck in the past possibly morning the past.  I can’t see love in today.

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Ready to Ride

August 1, 2019

This dream i had two days ago but I didn’t get around to adding it.  Last night’s dream seemed to dove tail into it.  The dream is complex but simple.  I am on a roller coaster ride that continuously comes back to the same place for me to do something and then get back on.  The something I have to do is journal the dream from the night before.  I remember feeling very very tired of continuously looping around and around on the track.   At one point, I simply can’t ride it anymore and I get off.  This is when I recall being in the dream from the previous night where I notice a computer screen this is the same computer screen from the night before which I remember has journal entries.  Again as I did in the previous night I read the journal entries presented on the screen.  I am keenly aware the screen controls the track the roller coaster uses and I must write the script to differentiate the track to effect a new path.

In the previous night when I look at this same screen I am unaware of the roller coaster.  All I know is I am somehow a contributor to this effort.  We have work to do.  As I start reading the screen it contains information on the work being conducted.  I recognize the work and it becomes apparent it is a journal of the work which has been performed to date.  I ask someone nearby if they can confirm my assumption.  The person confirms it is in fact a record of the work conducted.  It somehow feels like a story of my life and my life’s mission.  The record is missing the latest developments and the course for the future.  I begin typing into a tiny keyboard that is very very small.  Someone notices I am struggling with data entry and hands me a cell phone which has voice to text dictation.  I begin using it to input the data stream.

My awareness now returns to the present moment in the dream.   The roller coaster now contains new instructions.  I no longer feel fearful or reluctant to embark on the coaster once again.  I am ready for the ride of my life.

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Vignette of a Daddy

The humanistically oriented has an aesthetic-artistic profile

July 18, 2018

DREAM 1:  I had a dream where I am rearranging my website to show images of my daddy poses.  My objective is to show what daddies look like.  There are three images of me as a daddy I choose to settle on for the website.

DREAM 2:  I had another dream where I invite friends to celebrate.  My wallet is full of money.  I take a bite of my wallet as if it was a sandwich.  I worry I can’t exchange the money I’ve chewed.  I close my wallet and pause to think what to do about the money I’ve chewed up.  I open my wallet a second time and discover the wallet is as if I had not bitten into it.  My wallet has recovered and has more money in it than before so much so that the money is falling out.   It is stuffed so thick it is busting at the seams.  Someone beside me tries to grab at my wallet and succeeds at taking money from me.  Angered by this,  I attack him pointedly targeting the return of my dollars.  I am successful at recovering my money.  Emboldened by this I go in for another grab at his money.  I am successful at getting his money in addition to my money.   I recognize I am in a dream and wonder if he is playing with me or testing my reaction in the dream.  How assertive am I with the things I want in life?

DREAM 3:  I then had another dream.  I am in a castle.  I contemplate how I might remodel it desiring to change the windows on the first floor.  There is a white bottle of of lotion sitting on the counter with black lettering along with a symbol that looks like a large K.  I am aware of a young man who is in the castle with me.  He has approached to be a potential boyfriend.  I know for him to be the one he must be able to read and understand the meaning of the symbol and writing on the bottle of lotion.  If he is able to understand then he is the one if he can’t then he is not.

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Refuge for a Clover Dragonfly

 

I am laying in bed watching the ethers gather in what look like hands massaging clay where I am the clay.  I want to know who is placing hands on me.  I carefully time my attack targeting one of the hands like a cat getting ready to stalk it’s prey.  Snap!, I grab at the hand with precision.  When my hand grabs the etheric hand I can feel it as if it had substance and form.  The density of the hand startles me as it is not what I expected.  The shock immediately wakes me up with eyes wide open.

I close my eyes in an attempt to return to the dream.  I am with my friend Dinah when a package arrives at her door.  She accepts the package from the post master and proceeds to open it. I immediately recognize the package as one I sent.  I know the box of chocolates is within the packing box.  The packing box is one I used to pack a speaker which was left behind by an Airbnb guest.  Before she opens the package, I know it is not a speaker inside, she will find the box of chocolates which mysteriously went missing in my house.  A box to this day I have not been able to locate.  “I must have sent it to Dinah,” I hear my mind say.  She snips the last piece of tape and opens the box.  Sure enough the chocolates are inside along with some larvae.  I recognize the larvae as faerie larvae.  The larvae are undergoing their metamorphoses.  They are long and white with narrow wings.  Each has a purple and green luminescence within their body much like a dragon fly.  A man walks over and asks, ” Can I buy them from you.  We have great need for those here.  They serve a good purpose.”  To which I reply, “You can have them.”  He then replies, “Oh no they have great value. ”  “In that case give me one dollar for each,” I say.  Another man steps in and says, “Oh no, they are worth far more than one dollar.”  To which I say, “Well then how about $45 dollars.”

One of the insects stings me in in left arm burrowing its head below my skin much like a tick.  Having read how one should respond to ticks, I pull the body back stretching the neck like an umbilical cord cinching it to cut the blood supply.  I wrap the cord around the head which is still below my skin.  The eyes look back at me as if in an effort to ask for it’s protection.  I believe it will now simply come out when its ready.

My attention is now drawn to a set of windows in the distance where the government of Columbia is torturing Space Aliens.  I can see the Aliens have hands raised as if to surrender.  I only see their forearms to the tips of their fingers.  One of the aliens has three long fingers typical of aliens.  The other has five possibly an alien closer in resemblance of humans.  Both are showing sings with their fingers in an attempt to communicate a message to me.  The three fingered one has it’s fingers with the symbol of a triangle.  The other has fingers and knuckles in the symbol of clovers.  I feel compassion for the suffering of the aliens as I believe all life is sacred.  I then see a tiny alien laying rigid on a table.  He looks to be dead.  I ask if we should dispose of the body.  To which I’m told we can leave him there.  As we turn to walk away, I look back to give the dead alien a second look.  I somehow know he is simply playing dead.  He moves to signal he is OK.  I wink and feel good know he is alive.

~~~ END OF DREAM

Dragonfly Meaning

The dragonfly is generally associated with the symbolic meaning of transformation. Here are common meanings for this animal totem:

  • Change and transformation
  • Adaptability
  • Joy, lightness of being
  • Symbol of the realm of emotions, invitation to dive deeper into your feeling
  • Being on the lookout for illusions and deceits, whether are external or personal
  • Connection with nature’s spirits, fairies realms

 

Columbia also came up in my dream:  à Daris: Itsay Ouryay Assyay Ownpay

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Stroll On A Bird’s Perch

There is a guy who looks like David who is sitting at the bar.  The guy is my representative.   He holds the all time record of 117 which is the highest world record.  A new player arrives on the scene who is staring in the game.  He has taken the major leagues by storm.  He is younger than David and now a joint title holder of 117.  The game is being played for the kids to teach them about sportsmanship.  I wonder if David is planning on retiring or if he continues as a mentor.

I am in the upper room of a lodge.   I am with a teacher who does home schooling.  She shows me a small bird that only has one or maybe two feathers.  The delicate bird is so small and just now beginning to grow.  I notice the cage doesn’t have anywhere for the bird to perch.  The gravel in the cage looks like cat litter.  I look around for something I can use to provide the bird with a perch.  In the corner of the room is a wooden bird cage with multiple levels.  It is not ready to be occupied but I imagine the day when the little bird might occupy the cage.  As I look out the window I see across the valley a house fire.  The fireplace is on fire and threatens the hillside.  I am pushed to evacuate but feel conflicted about the bird and how I might save it.  I wonder where my animals are.  I notice the door has closed behind me and wonder if I have locked myself in.  Am I trapped?  I turn the knob to find the door opens freely.  I then walk through the door.  On the other side is an office space where half of the room is nicely decorated in solid wood paneling which gives it a very rustic appearance and the other half is more conventional and utilitarian.  I see a stroller in front of me and think to take the stroller with me.  The stroller has two parts.  At first I am pushing both parts separately which makes driving the stroller difficult.  I quickly learn I can fold one part and place it in a secured area within the stroller.

As I awoke from the dream I saw an image of the Grinch.  This time his furr was a mustard green color.  His eyelashes looked golden and the sunlight shimmered on his furry face.  He then smiled at me in acknowledgement.

 

 

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The Kids Table

I had a dream where I am trying to coordinate a flight with my ex Joe.  I have to find a place to park my car but the airport parking lot is full and I’m told by the parking attendant that there is a detour and he advises me to find another option.  He points me in the direction of a metered spot but I am suspicious of that spot because I don’t want to get a ticket just in case I don’t get back in time to pick up the car.  Instead I go looking for another parking space.  I am able to find street parking nearby.  I don’t know when the flight is but I do know it is scheduled soon.

I then find myself trying to save my goldfishes.  Someone has placed them in a bucket with very little water.  The fish are struggling to swim.  I feel a strong connection to them as if they were my children.  I go looking for a water bottle to try and save them. I find a blue and grey bottle in the kitchen cupboard.  I fill it up with water and pour it in the bucket only to find the bucket has holes everywhere.  Someone is trying to sabotage my effort. One of the fishes is already dead.  Mocha and Cleo now eat the fish not knowing they are special.

My brother Paz is trying to entrap me between a concrete wall. Paz  has sided with Trump and is now a terrorist.  He is jealous of my spiritual connection and wants to kill me or have me go missing so that he can claim my property.  I’m really tired of dealing with the Paz’s character and decide I will no longer be part of it.  I refuse to give him power over me.  I step into my faith in the knowledge that I am OK regardless of what Paz is  doing.  I then surrender and step into the space between the  concrete walls.  My friends Toni C and Stephen are here along with other friends from various groups who have come to this space to support me.  The space between the walls begins to provide a clearing.

Those gathered here tell me that they have gathered my seed and I have born a child but that the child has the defect of illegitimacy.  They bring the child to me and I feel compassion for his situation.  I take the child and he grows up in my arms.  I teach him how to fly and watch him become a man.  We take flight together and become one.  I feel him against my loins and groin and in my spirit with a feeling of ecstasy.  The feeling is beautiful and overwhelming.

Now in full flight we ascend to an elevation high above to the tops of the buildings where I see a bezeled window with a cut out shape much like a cookie cutter opening.  The opening is large enough for my spirit to pass .  We pass through the opening.

We are in flight.  He is now a full grown man.  Having taught him everything I pass my power to him and now he carries me.  I can feel the wind touch my body.  We are facing each other.  I am moving backward as he is moving forward.    Its time to find a resting place.  As we descend he becomes younger and younger.  Once we land his presence leaves me.

I then find myself sitting at a wooden picnic table where I meet a man.  He is seated beside me.  I am talking to the memory of my son as if he were still with me.  I feel silly talking to someone that is not there.  I’m afraid the man seated next to me will think I’m crazy.  I am telling the man about my dreams and how wonderful they are.  I’m getting confused.  I can’t distinguish whether I’m dreaming or not.  Although I am in a dream, I do not feel like I’m dreaming.  A young boy comes up to me from out of the blue.  Without skipping a beat, I continue talking to him as my son.  He tells me about school and what he is learning.  We have a fun conversation about playful things.  I share with him how my life is.  He then runs off telling me he needs to head back to school. As he is leaving, I remind him how much I love him.

I then resume talking to the man who is sitting next to me.  I tell him how my dreams reveal my son.  I struggle to describe what I have experienced in all its fullness.  You have to be present to fully appreciate the magic.  Once again I feel silly believing the man will question my sanity.

In that moment from out of the blue a young boy appears to hand me a chocolate.  The chocolate is wrapped in an orange shinny tin foil paper with crinkled edges.  I open it to find a hand written note inside.   Reading the note, I recognize it as something I have written.  In that moment the universe opens up as my awareness expands.  I am fully aware of the dream and the magnitude of what it presents.  I am in a dream yet I am awake.  I experience synchronicity and deja-vu in the dream as in my waking life.  Knowing this is my opportunity to see my son’s face,  I take a good look wanting to know if he bears any resemblance to me.  I am surprised to find that he is the same person as the λλale Carrier from my previous dream where I asked him if he had any male for me.

 

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Impressions of a Trapeze Artist – A False Start

Five male trapeze artists performing at a circus, 1890

I had a dream that it’s the day after my last day at work and I find myself back at my old job.  I’m trying to find my way out once I realize that I shouldn’t be here.  I can see the work configurations have changed.  There is someone working at my old desk.  They are telling me that I am welcome to share the space with them and start my own business.  I can see the possibilities for me.  I know I should leave because I’m not supposed to be there.  I work my way down to the 2nd level which I thought was where I can exit the building.  I find myself on the level where the cafeteria is.  I can see my old boss Deb Reilly.  I’m afraid she will notice me and wonder how I gained access to the building.  I’m trying to find a ramp that will take me from the second floor out the building.  There are foreign workers there who have abilities similar to trapeze artists.  This one woman is scaling the french balconies with ease.  I’m afraid she is being a bit reckless but she manages to amaze me with her abilities.  She is unafraid in the least. She knows I’m watching.  I wake up thinking my exit on the the second floor was a false start.

This morning as I awoke after I having snoozed my alarm and had a vision.  I can see a scene before me with some blue and white clouds with the silhouette  of a mermaid’s lower body.  The scene provided just enough imagery for me to figure it out for myself.  I then saw what looked like little grey frogs  crossing the road in front of the mermaid.  I looked carefully at the little frogs to see if they were mini people or insects.  They appeared to look more like little people but the way they jumped was more like frogs.  They seem quite happy in this child like environment; innocent and peaceful and tension free not a care in the world.  Right before the scene came to an end I see someone approaching from the left in the foreground.  A human of normal proportion as though I was watching a TV screen and someone came in front of the screen to peak and see if I am still watching or asleep.  The person peaked in partially looked at me stood there and gave me a look that said, “Did you get that?”

 

 

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Green Man Addendum – A Measure of Wheat for a Penny

April 6, 2018

Waking up this morning it felt reminiscent of the dream that i had 2 nights ago the night I couldn’t remember my dream.  This is because when I awoke I initially couldn’t remember a thing except for a phone call I had just received  before I woke up.  I heard someone’s cell phone ring next to me.  I looked over at the cell phone and thought it might be mine but on closer examination it wasn’t mine.  I thought I would answer it on behalf of the person whose cell phone it belonged to.  I answer and say, “Hello.”  The person on the other end asks to speak with Nevitt.  I sit up look around the room to see if there is a Nevitt here.  I then realize I’m dreaming and the only Nevitt I know is my neighbor who lives up the street.  It also occurs to me that anytime I hear my cell phone in a dream its from my guardian angel Jennifer.  I was reminded of this fact yesterday when I read my dream from my book which i posted yesterday.   This phone call just didn’t feel like a dream even though it was.  At this point I’m sitting up in my bed looking for the owner of the cell phone which I guess must be me since I am the dreamer.

I got myself up and headed for the bathroom struggling to remember any part of the dream leading up to the phone call.  I then recall seeing my mom carrying a large bird on her shoulder.  The bird had bright yellow feet.  I also recall walking in my mom’s back yard off of Loma Drive in Los Angeles where I see a set of spiral stairs that she had recently put in.  The stairs are made of concrete.  I recall the risers being very smooth and shallow hugging the slope of the hill.  The treads contained large gravel stones that created small impressions and bumps on the tread.   I remember thinking to myself that the steps appear to be very similar to the ones I had had placed in a very similar space.  How is it that they are the same as the ones I recall yet I don’t even recognize them.  There is a familiarity yet there is not.  It felt like a paradox.  I then recall a gathering of people who were celebrating with sparkling water which at first glance looks like Cognac because of the purity of the water and its slight yellow coloration.  This elixir they are serving is referred to as liquid viagra.   Knowing drinking doesn’t agree with me they also have several vials of colored water.  There are vials in every color of the rainbow.  I’m told these too are liquid viagra and suggest that I partake.  I walk over to examine the vials.  The quantities are going quickly as guys are coming over to help themselves.  I decide to take one or two for myself.  There aren’t enough remaining to represent a full rainbow anymore.  I hastily grab two then notice that the person behind behind me is left with only one.  Feeling empathy for him, I offer him mine.  The dream ended there.

So why the addendum? Well during my morning coffee I thought of ways to improve or add to my sacred space.  Calling on sacred objects from the past that I can place in the present to enhance my morning prayers.  I remembered I have a Buddha in the basement which this Buddha also has a host of history that I can share.  We’ve had many a late night conversation.  So I ran downstairs to bring her up.  I always refer to my Buddha statue in the feminine  because she has a feminine sounding voice in my head when she talks to me.  I placed her on a bar stool in the dining room where I can see her from where i sit to have my coffee and morning prayer.  Staring at her and sipping my coffee I realize she is green and she in fact is actually a man.  She is a Green Man.

So today now April 7th, 2018 (tells you how long it takes for a dream to unfold and for me to journal one) I had a PIT Training Course to attend.  PIT is a training that is offered to new Mankind Project Initiates.  I became a Warrior this past March 2nd weekend.  Anyways, the training was held in a Meditation Studio.  Up on the wall was a very large Buddha sitting lotus in a Yellow robe.  Coincidence I think not.

An interesting story around my coming to the Mankind Project relates to another very powerful dream I had.  Before I can tell you about this dream first I must preface it with a story.  It takes me back to the very beginning when … well I will let the book tell it.

 

A Measure of Wheat for a Penny

“And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine.”  (Revelation 6:6 KJV)

 

For me, all the magic has revolved around a single penny–a wheat penny.  It began in the fall of 1995 with a series of precognitive dreams.  I had been seeing a therapist who suggested that I journal my dreams to help me get in touch with a host of unresolved issues. I felt very much an outcast.  I was poor, Hispanic, gay, and HIV positive.

I desperately wanted to reconcile my life to God.  My best friend had just passed away from AIDS and I did not want to die without coming to know God.  The precognitive dreams concerned a book that ironically my therapist had also asked me to read.  The book was “Iron John, A Book about Men”, by Robert Bly.  For the last three chapters of the book, I would dream the night before about chapters in the book I had yet to read.  How is it that I knew the story line of the last three chapters in the book before ever having set my eyes upon those pages?  Information that seemed at first to be meaningless hooked my interest and forced me to look around and ask, “Is someone or something out there, or is God trying to get my attention?”

The answer came in a subsequent dream.  This dream is the hallmark of all the dreams in my life. It led me to know there is a God setting everything into motion guiding my path toward self-actualization and revealing my purpose in life.

Dream: Wait One Cent (October 15, 1995)

I am working at an elementary school servicing the lunch lines for the kids. I usually eat my lunch before their lunch hour begins but today I do not have a meal ticket. The supervisor of the cafeteria tells me that she has an extra meal ticket that I can have but before I can have it, I must agree to pick up all the pennies that have fallen on the ground.  I agree and proceed to get down on my knees to collect the fallen pennies.  There are so many pennies that I cannot hold them all in my hands.  They begin falling out of my hands.  I am trying hard not to drop any while at the same time picking up the remaining pennies that are still on the ground.  I am anxious because I want to get my food before it is too late.  I finally get to the last penny and I notice it looks different from all the others.  It is a very old penny with much wear on it.  As I pick it up and look closely, I realize that it is a wheat penny.

 

The next day after I finished reading “Iron John”, I decided to stop after work at Borders Bookstore to buy another book.  At the suggestion of my therapist, I purchased, “Fire in the Belly, A Book about Being a Man”, by Sam Keen.  As I walked out of the store, I quickly took the book out of the bag to page through it.  Standing in front of Borders Books, I suddenly had a very strange feeling of déjà vu, except I could not pinpoint what it was that I had already seen or experienced.   Puzzled, I scratched my head and looked around to try to piece the puzzle together.  My eyes then fell to my feet and to my total disbelief I found myself standing in the middle of a bunch of pennies that someone had apparently dropped on the ground.  Memory of the dream immediately came rushing back into my mind.  There were no nickels, dimes or quarters; only a bunch of pennies.  I could not believe it.

This was apparently just another manifestation in a series of precognitive dreams.  I knew God had to be at work here. I just did not understand what he was trying to tell me.  Remembering the dream and knowing I had agreed to pick up the pennies, I got down on my knees to collect the fallen pennies.  One by one I picked them up.  Would the last penny in fact be a wheat penny?  I just knew in my heart that it had to be true.  I had called on God and this was God’s way of answering.  This was about a dream come true.  In my mind I prayed, “God, if there is something you want me to do, Lord, please make it clear to me now.”

There were dozens of pennies.  When I came to the last penny, I paused, not knowing what to expect.  Were the heavens going to open up?  Was I going to hear God’s voice?  Would an angel appear in front of me?  Since it was already nightfall, I picked up the last penny and stood up and walked over to the window display of the bookstore to have a close look at this miracle penny.  Upon examination and to my amazement the penny was in fact a wheat penny.

I felt overwhelming joy and peace in knowing God was really out there.  On the other hand, I still had no clue what he was trying to tell me. I had a great sense of frustration come over me in not knowing what was being asked of me. “What do you want me to do?”  All my energy drained from my body and I just stood there with my body and head pressed up against the bookstore display window.  With my eyes closed and tears of frustration running down my face, I called out to God, “Please God, what is it you want me to do?”  Nothing.  I heard no voice, I saw no divine apparition, nothing.

“Whatever, let’s go,” I heard my ego say to me.  I wiped my tears and as I opened my eyes and regained my composure, it suddenly hit me. The answer was staring me in the face. I could practically hear God’s voice saying, “I want you to write a book.”

This book is the fulfillment of that request.

 

The saying, “Pennies from Heaven”, took on a personal meaning for me and dream journaling became my connection to God.  For the next 10 years, God would confirm his lessons in my external world with synchronicity by placing pennies in my path for me to find at precisely the right place and time.  The synchronicity of the pennies became unmistakably God’s voice.  Interestingly enough I always found pennies in groups of ones or threes and I knew God in His own way was winking at me letting me know that I was on the right track.

 

For those 10 years not much happened; I did my dream work and studied anything and everything I could get my hands on: Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Edgar Cayce, Self Realization Fellowship, philosophy, mysticism and mythology.  Having been raised Catholic, and being gay, I really did not have a good taste for Christianity.  However, with the sense that God really cared about me, I wanted to give Christianity another try and study it for myself instead of relying on what others had to say.  Therefore, I renewed my interest in Christianity and began studying the Bible independently and with different Christian denominations, including the Mormons. Of course, as soon as I told them I was gay, they all wanted me to renounce my so-called lifestyle choice and be baptized.  Since I would not do that, they eventually wrote me off as a lost soul and went about their business.  However, I knew that God had not abandoned me; he was with me.  I persisted in my independent study and eventually found a non-denominational Christian church that did accept me.  I was baptized by them since I felt baptism into the Catholic faith was not my conscious choice as an infant.

 

Things finally began to shift into high gear in the summer of 2005. I began to see with my eyes closed, colored lights panning back and forth in my field of vision when I was falling asleep at night.  Trying to find the cause of these lights, I researched the Internet and found instances where terminally ill patients often reported having mystical experiences similar to mine several months before dying.  Was I having a mystical experience?  More importantly, was I nearing my own death?  In November of that year, I took a trip to visit my parents in California.  While on that trip one day my sister and I were talking and out of the blue she shared with me that she had this synchronistic thing happening with finding pennies.  She had never shared her penny experiences with me and I never thought to share mine with her.  We looked at each other in disbelief.  I also shared with her my mystical experience of seeing the colored lights.  I affectionately termed the experience “my night lights”.

I took this coincidence to be a sign from God signaling me to put pen to paper or fingertips to keyboard and began the actual writing process for the book He had wanted me to write.  I still did not know what God wanted me to write about, but I assumed it had to do with my life experience and dream work as a source of divine guidance.

That trip was full of synchronicities but now the synchronicities were shared between me, my sister and the universe. Suddenly the phenomenon involved a person outside of me. We were like kids in a candy store. My sister and I began talking almost every day.

END EXCERPT

The coincidence here is that the Mankind Project basis much of it’s work on the story Iron John.

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Santa’s Paradox

Apr 04, 2018,

So last night I had a dream that I couldn’t remember yet here it is.  My alarm rang and I knew I had at least one snooze before I had to get up out of bed.  I also had to pee and I know you can’t fully enjoy a snooze while having to pee at the same time.  As I turned to lift the covers there beside my bed was a man, a green man.  I paused for a moment to look at his eyes and the green fur that covered his face.  His eye lashes gently opened and closed. As I rolled out of bed my knee hit his knee, I thought, “How could that be?”  Upon lifting my sheets there was a pillow beside my knee.  How clever for him to have placed  a prop.  So I ran along to the bathroom.  As I stood there I remembered vividly what I had been dreaming.  Repeating it over and over in my head so as to not forget.  With time constraints, I decide that would be the manner in which I would remember the dream.  I flushed and returned to bed where the green man still sat. I carefully slipped back into bed.  10 minutes later the alarm rang for a second time.  I looked over to find the green man had gone and with him the entire memory of the dream.

I thought it a great opportunity to start adding my book to my blog since I didn’t have a dream to journal.   Its a lot of work to keep up with my dreams so it is nice to have a day here and there to make them presentable.  My intention was to publish my book “In the Course of a Dream, Emmanuel for Love”  in its entirety on my blog to make it easy for me to search key words and simply to make it publicly available.  I had a little time before work so I turned on the TV for background noise and tuned to my favorite shows on Amazon.    I started watching an Amazon recommended program just for me, “New Energy Series, Free Energy – The Race to Zero Point”.  I remember there was a dream in my past where Zero Point had come up in the book back when I knew nothing about Zero Point.  Having the PDF of my book loaded and handy on my computer I searched for Zero Point and here is where the magic began to unfold.

Now I haven’t looked at my book in a long long time.  I also knew there was a purpose in my having written the book even if it was to merely guide my life.  I somehow know the book and dreams are a key part to fulfilling my mission.  So I took a moment to reacquaint myself with it.  I paused to take in the title page, the copywrite page and then the inscription which reads:

Spirituality is a treasure
to live for all humanity,
to overcome a notion,
in a time when spirits rejoice.

I then searched for the reference to Zero Point and was taken to:

A Visit with Santa Claus

I am in a Harry Potter stadium where I am trying to find my way back home.  I go flying and flying on my magic carpet, trying to find my resting place.  The people who live in this area travel on bicycles that fly through the air.  They simply fly.  I feel like I am on Crown Hill where I used to live as a kid.  I try to go back to my childhood house but the scenery and hillsides look different.  I am slightly disoriented.  I land my magic carpet on a hillside and walk along the front yard of a house, not knowing where I am or how to get home.  It is about four in the morning, and it is still dark outside.  The man of the house is standing near an arched trellis with his two dogs.  I tell him that I am lost and disoriented.  I ask him if he could please show me the way out and point me in the direction of my birthplace. 

He takes my hand under his arm and walks me under the archway and through a door.  He opens the door and walks me across the threshold to the other side and says, “There you are.” Looking around there is nothing but a dense fog and clouds. Fearing he might leave me here and close the door behind me, I grab tight onto his arm and ask him to please guide me and tell me in which direction I should head. With all the clouds here, I would never be able to find my way back home.  He then says, “You can go this way or you can go that way,” as he points in opposite directions. Unsatisfied with his answer, I cling to his arm.  He then says, “My son, no matter where you go, you pull the universe with you. You are home.” 

As he says those last three words, his face begins to transform before my eyes.  In his face is the face of every human being that has ever lived.  With that, I realize who this man is and I become lucid.  This is the Face of God.  Knowing I need to take in the fullness of this moment, I pause in thought to stare at the fullness with which he holds humanity in his countenance.  He now has the look of Santa Claus, with spongy curly white hair, a white beard and rosy red checks.  He is talking to me and I can see his lips move with his every word. 

I began to wake up, and as I awakened and my eyes began to open in real life, I could see this man standing at my bedside.  Now fully awake in the presence of Santa Claus, I could hear him saying something.  I quickly reached for my voice recorder so as not to miss any words that he might say.  I began to lose the signal, so I meditated as he patiently waited for me to ready my recorder and continue the dictation.  “Spirituality is a treasure to live for all humanity, to overcome a notion, to be heard in a time when spirits rejoice.”

He then began signaling me to come follow him.  I was not sure where he wanted me to go because he was standing in front of my closet door.  So I said, ”Okay, but first I’ve got to go to the bathroom, would you please wait here and I’ll be right back, then we can go wherever you would like me to walk with you.”

I got up out of bed and made a mental note of the time.  It was exactly 4:33 am on the digital clock in my bedroom.  I went to the bathroom to do my business and came back to bed where the grey-haired Santa Claus was still patiently waiting for my return.  I hopped back into bed with my voice recorder in hand ready to dictate whatever the old gentleman had to say.  He was telling me how to find my way home.  He said it didn’t really matter which direction you go, you pull the universe with you.  He then pulled out one of those birthday party whistles, the type that unravels when you blow air through it.  He said it has to do with “zero point” and the sound of the universe when you blow through the party whistle.  Each time he blew through the whistle the tube unraveled.  I could see a bright red light at the end of it.  From blowing his whistle, my bedroom began to fill with red light.  The red light emanated from the tip of the extended party whistle.

I gazed into it and saw a crystal lens much like the one I see when I meditate on my third eye.  He was basically telling me that he is the force that provides the propulsion energy flowing through the party whistle.

I think they were celebrating my arrival because he continued to blow through his party whistle over and over again.  Maybe they knew I was having a birthday party tonight.

His image slowly faded but in the red light that still filled my room I saw a vision of a little cartoon mole or chipmunk that had come to lead me down the road.  This creature was telling me to follow him.  At the end of the road, I could see a baby chick that had just hatched out of its egg.  In the sky was a bright orange sun and in the Heavens I could see a book whose pages were being blown by the wind.  The scene reminded me of the California Raisin commercials.  In the background, I could hear the words to that John Denver song, “Take Me Home, Country Roads.”

 

“Almost heaven, West Virginia,

Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River.

Life is old there, older than the trees,

Younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze.

 

Country road, take me home

To the place I belong,

West Virginia, mountain momma,

Take me home, country road.[1]”

 

I am in complete and utter awe, or should I say utter aum, when I read my own dreams. Aum is said to be the sound of the universe.  I believe I have seen the face of God and have held his arm and asked him to guide me home.  In writing my dream and vision this morning of the grey-haired man that reminded me of Santa Claus, it all resonated within me.  At some level I felt God and the Universe were celebrating my birthday with me. Curiously, when I was writing my dream this morning and got to the part that reminded me of the California Raisins, my phone rang once and stopped. I paused for a second to see if caller ID would tell me who was calling but it did not ring again. The phone rang just once and stopped.  It was not even long enough for caller ID to register.

I felt a wave of synchronicity flow though me and thought how peculiar.  I then remembered back to the dream where Jennifer (my angel) had given me a cell phone that had programmed in it her number. She had instructed me to use it anytime I needed her.  Was this an encoded message from the universe?

Have you ever told a person, “If you want me to pick up the phone, send me a signal by letting the phone ring once, then hang up and wait a second and then call back and I’ll know it’s you calling me?”

I resumed writing down my dream and as my pinky finger hit the final ‘a’ in the word California, the phone rang again.  I paused to look over at the caller ID.  Believe it or not it was an out-of-state call.  The display on the caller ID read, “California.”  A mere coincidence to some, but for me it was my confirmation, which the universe always provides to let me know that I am on the right track and can trust in the messages from spirit that I am receiving.  God is so incredibly wonderful.  I love God with all my heart, mind and soul.

~~~~

I found it eerily interesting that today all the chimes that are ringing in heaven with synchronicity drew me to this dream because this dream is the heart and soul of the book.  I didn’t remember it being that now but i did use this as the inscription for the book so it must say something about the importance of this dream.  I never really understood the words of the inscription I simply knew it was important and I’ll confess I still don’t know the importance except for a glimmer of something that came through today.

Second this last year has been all about Santa Clause.  This will need further explaining which I can’t do here.  Suffice to say the topic was so pressing on me that I bought a Santa suit around Thanksgiving.  I knew I had to dress up as Santa for some reason.  I procrastinated till the last minute to order everything because the good gay boy that I am it had to be flawless.  I ordered really nice boots, a genuine leather belt,  the whole works.  The boots arrived literally the day before Christmas.  More on Santa later.  So there is something else I must tell you which I’ve been keeping to myself.  I am in the process of having a baby.  This too is a long story that needs a lot of explaining.  Between my coming around to having the desire to have a baby and the Santa suits I could probably write a book.  It feels very important to me so I need to write about it so I can later remember the details.

Moving on….so I am at the stage of being matched with a surrogate.  I have an agent.  I have names picked out the fertilization has been done and things are presently on ice meaning I have one frozen embryo.  So yesterday I messaged my agent to ask for an update on the surrogate and she indicated that the surrogate she had in mind previously has not been responsive to her messages.  Major bummer but she did say that she had others who could possibly work but she needed more time.

Going back to the Green Man, I am waiting to  hear the chimes of synchronicity when I begin watching the the Zero Point program in the background when the man narrating starts talking about the baby’s arrival.  That immediately caught my ear.  He was referring to the advances in zero point energy as being in it’s infancy but he kept using the analogy almost so much as for me to feel he was talking to me.  Already we had the subject of Zero Point and the hidden importance of Santa Claus not to mention the inscription of the book and now the BABY!!.  Holy Moly I thought I must be going to get news about the surrogate.  I no sooner thought that when the alert popped up on my computer that I had a message from my agent.  She had someone for me.  She even included a few pictures of her and her family.  As I’m scrolling through the pictures the last picture was of the surrogate and her family she has 3 kids and her a very prominent GREEN MAN the Grinch.  It was a Christmas picture.  Here was a family dressed in Christmas colors sitting with the Grinch, yes a GreenMan.  I think the Grinch is probably the dad because he was not a fake Grinch he was real GreenMan.

OK … it doesn’t end there.  So I am reading her profile and one thing that concerned me about her is her age.  She is 41 or 42.  I’m thinking isn’t that too old to bear children.  So I quickly do a search online and come to this….

yada yada yada ….

So what about the notion of delaying childbirth until a maternal age of 45, 50 or older? 

From <http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/5244/delaying-childbearing-how-old-is-too-old>

 

The one word in the inscription I had the most problem understanding is the use of the word notion.  What did he mean by that? Did I miss interpret him.  Well the answer now is no obviously.  I have been struggling with the notion that I am too old to be a father.  I am 54 at present.  Now I’m researching this as it relates to the surrogates age and not mine but it applied to me as well as the surrogate.  Maybe the inscription is for me to overcome the notion that I am too old to be a dad and in doing so knowing that God and God alone has picked the perfect surrogate for me.   My surrogate is Godsend.  Dreams are multidimensional and ring true on many levels.  They always have wordplay in them.  If you take the time to connect the dots something magical happens.  The other dimensions come alive as your awareness grows.  This is part of my mission to share my experience with dreams.  This is my truth.  This is how it happened.  I know it is magic in my life maybe you can find magic in your life.

Anyways I digress because yes i kid you not….there is more.  So case closed…guided by my dreams I know God is telling me I must over come this notion and get on board whole heatedly.  It also tells me that I should not fear or worry about her age.  I’m in God’s hands.  We are in God’s hands.  Ok so I’m on board with the surrogate so I set up a meeting to discuss her with my agent.  During the call she tells me a little more about her.  She’s been a surrogate before.  Then she tells me the name of the last surrogate baby she delivered.  The name is one of the two names I picked for my baby.  I can’t give you the name but I can tell you I chose a boy name and a girl name both names are a variation on each other ie the masculine and the feminine  version much like Robert and Roberta or Don and Donna.  Can’t spill the beans here with the name.  My jaw literally hit the floor.  This surrogate has created space for my baby’s name.

So on a side note….I was so heart broken when some of the embroyos died and didn’t make it to blastocyst.  I had no idea of the numbers game with fertility.  I was also very conflicted about choosing a boy or a girl if i had the choice say for example I had 3 eggs 2 boy and a girl do you choose the boy or the girl.  Would the one resent me in the heavens for not picking them.  If you read back at my mermaid dream when I received the first news of the eggs not progressing.  I believe the mermaid came to foretell me the outcome.  So that further sealed the deal with me.

One last tidbit…the man narrating the program his last name was Bearden.  As you may already be aware I am a bear within the gay community.  My DVR is labeled Bearden.

Oh one more thing….so Debbie Downer Grinch came in to refute my claims of God inspiration and so I looked up the probability of the occurrence of words in the English language.  For instance what would be the probability of the word notion appearing given a single occurrence?  What is the probability of seeing the word Santa in a reference?  Come to find out Google can tell you this information. Santa has a 0.002%, Notion is a 0.005% and Baby is 0.006% and Grinch is 0.0000006544 which is about the likelihood of ZERO POINT.

 

Today magic is all around me.  Spirit dwells among me and as for the Holy Moly Mole one must have a little fun with it I suppose.

[1]               “Take Me Home, Country Roads,” John Denver, Bill Danoff and Taffy Nivert 1971

 

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Graduation by Grace

In last night’s dream I am preparing for my graduation.  I’m asked to help develop the processional for myself and my peers.  Grace is there doing her best to interfere with any and all matters in her trickster ways.  She doesn’t realize that people get tired of the behavior but it doesn’t seem to set in.  As the processional is moving in one direction Grace is going in the opposite showing clear signs of confusion which we know is just an act.  I’m tasked with placing the award ribbons around the necks of those in my class trying to figure out how much slack I need to place the medallion securely around their neck.

When I get to Grace, she is standing looking sideways instead of forward face to face.  The loop that goes around the neck in her case is plastic and octagon shaped. I take up the slack and pass her on.  I then realize that I’m the one graduating and in participating in the process I’m granted the recognition I’ve earned.  It doesn’t matter what role I play or how I got there.

 

Procession: the emanation of the Holy Spirit

Emanation: (of something abstract but perceptible) issue or spread out from (a source), originate from; be produced by.

Octagon: Eight sided,

Eightfold Path

Right View

Right Thought

Right Word

Right Action

Right Livelihood

Right Effort

Right Mindfulness

  • Right Concentration