My second partner Michael who held 10 yrs of my life.
August 3, 2018
Last night I had a dream where I am in a line of people not quite sure what we are waiting for. I am with my mother who is old and in a wheel chair. I am protecting her. Along the path where we walk are cutouts small rooms with 3 walls. Occasionally people pause while they wait in line to reflect on what each room holds. While standing in line your vision is restricted to the cutout room directly in front of you. I am standing in front of my mom. It is has been my belief we are at the end of the line whoever I become aware of a man who has been standing behind my mom. I have missed noticing him because he has been engaged in each of the rooms as the line has moved. I on the other hand have been waiting in line with my mom not entering the cutouts. To satisfy my curiosity who might be standing behind my mom I walk behind her now in a position to see into the cutout where the man stands. I discover the man in the room is Michael. My second partner. He looks amazingly beautiful. All the reasons I fell in love with him come rushing back. His hair glistens in the light of the sun and his beard seems to reflect the rays of the sun. Yet even with all this love for him I feel I need to scold him for his actions. I somehow feel he might have done some wrong against my mother. I want him to know I stand to protect my mom. I also feel he has hurt me. A part of me if mad over the pain he has created in my life.
As I stand there in discussion with him, I begin to become aware of the dream. Knowing I’m in a dream now I look at “Michael” and wonder what else might he be here to represent. With my mind focused on OB and feeling the love deep within me. I can feel it radiating out warmly by the sun reflecting off his golden hair.
My alarm rings and I wake up to snooze it. I quickly close my eyes trying desperately to return to the dream. My inner eye now sees cartoon characters. These are very similar to yesterday’s except these appear to be presented for a mature audience. The characters are dressed in cartoon suits, some I notice look like formal wear. They seem to be gathering for a celebration. I see their cartoon hair is black and well presented with clear delineation and distinction. They appear to be happy and proud. My alarm rings a second time.
~~~~~~ DREAM ENDS
As I was journalling my dream and describing the cutout rooms I had a very strong feeling that each room represented a day in my life. I seem to be stuck not engaging fully in each day because I am attached to the idea that I must care for my mother. My mother in her wheel chair seemed unable to enjoy each day either. I was unaware of Michael’s nearby presence because he was in engaged in life. There is also the idea that I’m stuck in the past possibly morning the past. I can’t see love in today.
South Park: This file is copyrighted. It will be used in a way that qualifies as fair use under US copyright law.
August 2, 2018
I don’t remember much from last night’s dream except that in the dream I just had a baby. One thing I remember is being very surprised at the amount of support I am getting from friends and family to help me raise the baby. Even people I don’t feel particularly close to offer to come and support me by helping me care for the child. I sense their desire to support me as honest yet under normal circumstances an offer like this I would deem dubious and possibly with strings. I welcome their support.
I then woke up as the alarm sounded. I quickly snoozed it to try to go back to the dream. Laying comfortably in my bed I see cartoon people gathered along the right side of my field of vision curving up at the farthest point. All are short and stubby much like the families in South Park. My attention is drawn to a blond haired little boy around the 2 o’clock position. He reminds me of the Butters character in South Park and by the way is where I got the name for my dog Butters. As my consciousness approaches as if time is passing by the family begins to mature and age. They mature out of their cartoon characters into human forms. There are more or less about 7 individuals present. I know them to be family. My awareness arrives at the boy who is now around the age of 14 or 15 years of age. He is slender and blond haired. I somehow know him to be my son. As I look around I wonder why the family isn’t larger. I’m curious to know why my dreaming mind stopped constructing people at a count of 7. Knowing this moment will pass quickly, I turn to get a good look at my son. He has slender features and his blond hair is now very long. I think we should probably cut his hair and give him something to eat and welcome the family.
~~~~ DREAM ENDS
It is always fun to find a picture online that can graphically depict your dream and I’m always amazed at some of the finds that are so perfectly inline with my dream. Today is a perfect example of that. In the dream, the family of characters were mostly lined up on the right side curling back around at the furthest point so as to remain in my fields of vision. I thought if I can find a picture with Butters out front in the 2 o’clock position and maybe the people along a road gathered on the right side that would be the image I would go with. Voila I found the inverse of what I dreamt. And to top it off, they have food being served in the background as an after thought just like in my dream. And the bald man on the stage with a grey beard well who might that be I wonder? Although I love South Park after all I named my dog after the character Butters, I’ve never seen this episode of South Park so I know my dreaming mind didn’t reconstruct something I’ve seen before. Did my subconscious foretell I would find this image? If time is an illusion, which I firmly believe it is, then what came first my dream or this episode of South Park? In my dream the cartoon characters at the end morph into people. The work of spirit is fascinating to me. Encountering coincidence like this makes me keep coming back for more. I love being connected to the collective unconscious mind.
I normally try to find images for my dreams that are not subject to copyright. But there is no real way of depicting South Park without an actual image of South Park. One nice thing is where I found the image on FANDOM they had this Fair Use of Copyright disclaimer which I was unaware of. I guess me having a dream comment on South Park falls under Fair Use in my opinion.
This dream i had two days ago but I didn’t get around to adding it. Last night’s dream seemed to dove tail into it. The dream is complex but simple. I am on a roller coaster ride that continuously comes back to the same place for me to do something and then get back on. The something I have to do is journal the dream from the night before. I remember feeling very very tired of continuously looping around and around on the track. At one point, I simply can’t ride it anymore and I get off. This is when I recall being in the dream from the previous night where I notice a computer screen this is the same computer screen from the night before which I remember has journal entries. Again as I did in the previous night I read the journal entries presented on the screen. I am keenly aware the screen controls the track the roller coaster uses and I must write the script to differentiate the track to effect a new path.
In the previous night when I look at this same screen I am unaware of the roller coaster. All I know is I am somehow a contributor to this effort. We have work to do. As I start reading the screen it contains information on the work being conducted. I recognize the work and it becomes apparent it is a journal of the work which has been performed to date. I ask someone nearby if they can confirm my assumption. The person confirms it is in fact a record of the work conducted. It somehow feels like a story of my life and my life’s mission. The record is missing the latest developments and the course for the future. I begin typing into a tiny keyboard that is very very small. Someone notices I am struggling with data entry and hands me a cell phone which has voice to text dictation. I begin using it to input the data stream.
My awareness now returns to the present moment in the dream. The roller coaster now contains new instructions. I no longer feel fearful or reluctant to embark on the coaster once again. I am ready for the ride of my life.
Last night I had a dream where I want to plan dinner out for my partner and our mothers. The purpose of the dinner is to allow our mom’s to meet each other. I have to be discrete about the invite because I don’t want others present to feel excluded by the invite. Interestingly enough the dream doesn’t provide me with who my partner is. I simply know the person of interest is my partner. The mom’s meeting seems to be needed to seal the relationship.
During our dinner my partners mom gives me three corn plants. I love fresh corn. She tells me she knows how much I love the taste of corn and says I will be able to harvest my own from my garden. The plants are about a foot tall. I think about where in my garden I will plant the stalks where they will receive the greatest amount of sunlight possible to grow.
~~~~ DREAM ENDS
I looked up the symbolism of corn
Corn: Used in many Native American rituals, maize is a symbol of life, abundance, prosperity, growth and fertility.
Last night i had a dream that was troubling to me. The concern is am I getting in over my head. I am looking for an apartment to rent because I want to be close to people. I sign a lease on a corner unit in a high rise apartment building. I have only looked through the unit briefly. As I do a walk through I’m trying to figure out what parts of the unit are actually allocated to me. The color palate is mostly white with shades of beige. I can feel the texture of the rug and fabric of the drapes. I am concerned that I already have responsibility of a house and what I might have gotten into. Why have I committed to additional responsibility? I wonder if I can possibly continue to rent out my house on Airbnb and live for a while in the apartment to experience what it is like to live in an apartment setting and closer to my neighbors. I can continue to monitor the needs of my house and not have to sell it. I ask the owner of the apartment if it is OK if I bring my piano with me. I tell him it has a low profile and should be easy to bring into the unit. He agrees and says its OK. I walk through the different rooms noticing the texture of the carpet and the emptiness within the different rooms and passage ways. I walk into the bedroom and see two people sleeping covered head to toe under their sheets. They have a throw cover over them that has a plush light brown texture which reminds me of Alpaca. I figure I must have wondered into someone else’s bedroom or maybe the current tenant hasn’t fully moved out yet. Is this my bed? Should I be in bed with them? I quickly rush to depart the unit not wanting to disturb their sleep. I want to maintain their privacy. As I leave, I take a minute to look out the windows and notice the pool down below. I think I will like living here.
I had an amazing dream last night. I am traveling among the stars. At the very end I thought I was laying here in bed watching an educational program on TV. The images in my head were so crystal clear and the sound on the television was so clearly audible. The program was very interesting and fascinating. The program I could tell was coming to an end. They started talking about a little girl, the first little girl to travel in space. She was taken on a shuttle mission to fix something on one of our space satellites and to the moon. I can see the shuttle on the television flying past the satellite. It is approaching a round object which at first looks fuzzy. As we get closer, I immediately recognize it as the moon but it is not the moon we are accustomed to. It is a space ship much like the Death Star in Star Wars with some major differences. There are three lines that go across the surface of the sphere horizontally similar to the Death Star. One at the top around the +60 degree longitude and two in the southern hemisphere around -15 and -45 degree longitude. The lines are obviously viewing windows with blue light emanating from them. Between the two southern lines is a circular disk similar to the Death Star except this one appears to have the ability to rotate. The disk reminds me of the face on a quarts watch. Along the general surface of the moon are randomly shaped crystals that serve as viewing portals. The shuttle approaches the moon along the northern ring. This ring forms a continuous window which tells the history of the moon from it’s inception. The line doesn’t go all the way around. I can not see where it ends but I can see where it begins. The start of the window frame has a tapered aerodynamic shape. I think to myself why don’t we board the moon because then we can look out through the windows. I feel it has been such a long time since I’ve been on the moon. I wonder if no one is on-board the moon right now.
I can see the shuttle that is carrying the little girl. It looks like one of the triangular shaped stealth planes the government uses except this one is considerably thicker. People can actually stand up in them and walk around. The shuttle flies low in the sky allows me to clearly see detail. It is apparent it is doing these maneuvers specifically for me to witness. At one point it flies in a formation that allows me to see the tops of the wings which to my surprise are not dark grey like the rest of the aircraft but instead are a translucent white that conducts pastel shades of vibrant color. It also becomes apparent that it has the capability to fly not only horizontally but vertically by raising a section of flaps on the white surface of the wings. The flaps have an L shape when raised for this configuration.
Now earlier in the dream I am with a team of people. We have the ability to move between dimensions. I am in a world where everyone is asleep going about their business. They are doing fun day to day things but they are asleep unaware of their total existence. I am on an escorted tour of this world. I break away from the tour because I want to know what they are choosing to hide from me and the rest of the world. I can deduce that I am from this world and I too have been asleep for a very long time. The minute anyone wakes up they come at you to suppress you and force you back into a sleep state. They hold the reality in place for us to believe our subspace reality.
I come back to the tour guide and tell him that I have found an access door above this room. He gives me a wink and a node and tells me to go ahead and explore it while he continues the tour for the remaining people in my party. I climb to the highest place in the room and push the ceiling panels up. The panels give way exposing other realms and other dimensions of existence. I make my way out and I am able to see the world as it really is. I have the ability to fly and do incredible things. I seem to have no limits on my power to transcend space and time and move through dimensions.
The overlords quickly discover I have breached their barriers. I use this opportunity to understand what they are trying to protect or guard against, why the do so and how I am being manipulated into believing something that is not entirely true or is not the complete truth of who I am. Its the egg becoming the chicken and coincidentally overcoming fear. At some point I must mature that time is now.
I am trying to evade the authorities. They are there to keep the peace but it is in their interest. Now that I am awake, I have an inalienable right to be a full and ascended being to travel the universe and other dimensions to discover who I am. I have learned the process and I understand I too can hide from them and slip past them. They have been so focused on us down below that they have become somewhat myopic and have lost the ability to see in 360 degree views. This description seems to fit an analogy for which there are no words. Every button that is now available to me I can push and experience. I spend a great deal of time moving back and forth between dimensions. On occasion they would find where I was and try to come at me. I discover what triggers them to notice me which is when I focus my sight on them their reality begins to fall apart I seem to have the ability to see through them. They desire form and I am trying to escape form. Yet they have the ability to take form and move out of form. They seem to have two states of form one is similar to our physical reality and one in a higher dimension and above that a pure etheric form.
This little girl had taken the space flight to fix a satellite and to see the moon. I am thinking how could this little girl fix a satellite. I see the moon and the many little portal crystals scattered all over the moon that made it look like a planet. The many crystals watch me as I fly past them like people sitting on bleachers in a stadium cheering my passage. I look back to take in it’s beautiful golden metallic color.
Laughing Buddha Kevin Griffin’s list of favorite dharma and recovery books.
July 20, 2019
As I was waking up this morning, I am in a dream where I have a bicycle which i share with my friends. One particular friend adds a new feature to the bike. Automated brake lights. I am fascinated by this feature and trying to figure out how the connections work. The idea seems ingenious. I can see all the cables and cords and their connections. There is one very long cord with a loop which reminds me of a lasso. There are cartoon figures demonstrating its use for me. I remember thinking how odd they are cartoons. Being in a dream and wanting to understand how this works, I step into character and attempt what the cartoons are doing. I notice the end of the lasso is headed deep within a well. I pull as is demonstrated by the characters. The lasso magically floats in space defying logic. I am able to pull the lasso with ease and it seems to have no end. I give it a few more pulls and hear a voice. A young dark skinned Indian boy in his adolescence sits upon a nearby wall with one leg crossed over the other. His toes are pointy which I find to be highly unusual. He says to me, “Hang on he’s full of poop.” I say, “Full of poop? EEEEUUUU. ” He then says to me, “Don’t worry someone will come clean it.”
~~~~ Dream ends
This was such a cute dream. I’ve often had cartoon dreams but never where I stepped in to be a cartoon and join in on the fun. I remember the moment I stepped in I could feel myself swoosh into an other worldly reality where everything around me seemed so magical defying the physics of every day life and even the metaphysics of most dream spaces. The mystery of the dream only came to me as I sat to write it out. The floating lasso reminded me of the belt in yesterday’s dream which I equated to possibly an umbilical cord. This one definitely felt more like an umbilical cord. Why was the other end deep in a well? Duh!! Well don’t most umbilical cords originate deep in a well? As I wrote the words came to me that the cord was “headed in a well” wouldn’t one end of an umbilical cord have a head attached to it, a head that is in a well. So I’m definitely going to put this one in the OB column. It is so playful how he comes to me. The kicker was at the end of the dream when out of the blue he says, “Hang on he’s full of poop.” Thanks OB for reminding me…. I guess I’ll be having a lot of poopie diapers to change. And so so cute how he say’s, don’t worry someone will come to clean it up. Yeah that someone is me.
As I sat in the morning drinking my coffee meditating and thinking about the dream. I had not made the association yet between the Indian boy and the Buddha but as I glanced over at the Buddha sitting in my dinning room I noticed which I have never noticed this until today the Buddha’s his hands and feet are very pointy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This dream also reminded me of a dream I wrote about in my book. It happened right after my dog Babers passed away. Here is the dream:
You are the Most Beautiful Woman I Have Ever Seen
I was in great pain today. One of my two toy poodles, my chocolate male named Babers, passed away last night. He had been vomiting for a couple of days. I finally took him to the vet to have him checked. They kept him overnight to run some tests on him. They determined he was suffering from pancreatic inflammation. We tried a blood transfusion but in the end he did not respond positively to the procedure. His condition deteriorated and I was forced to make the painful decision to end his precious little life. He died in my arms. My heart was crushed. I cried and asked him to please forgive me. He was 12 years old. He had been with me nearly his entire life. Never a day went by that I did not wake with his breath in my ear.
After coming home from the animal hospital I placed a small framed picture of Babers on my nightstand with an amethyst crystal, my birthstone, beside it. I prayed that I would see him in my dreams. The night went by and when I awoke in the morning I had not had a dream about him. I got out of bed to let my other apricot toy poodle, Butters, out to do his business. When he was done we retired to the bedroom for a quiet mediation. I had no sooner laid my head on the pillow and closed my eyes when I had a false awakening.
I found myself sitting in the library when I heard a knock on the door. I could see my neighbor Evelyn peeking through the side window to see if anyone was home. It was the day she normally comes to clean my house. I got up to open the door and proceeded to tell her about Babers. As I was telling her the news, I noticed she was much shorter than usual and her complexion was a dark chocolate brown. This was not the Evelyn I knew in real life so I assumed I was having a false awakening. I knew this was my chance to go look for Babers.
I walked out my front door and a young boy between 12 and 15 years of age came rushing over toward me. He looked at me with love in his eyes and said, “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” Bewildered, I took a step back and in so doing noticed my hooded robe caress my face. I was wearing a bright yellow robe much like the one I had seen my guardian angel wear.
In that moment I thought to myself, “Why would he think I’m a woman?” Then I realized, “I’m apparently an angel.” Remembering the times when I had seen angels, I knew they often reflected what is inside me that I have projected onto them. Knowing the robes they wear are like mirrors unto the soul, I allowed this little boy to see me as it was in his heart to project. Realizing I was called to be his angel in spirit, I reached out and placed my hand on his upper arm. To my surprise he was not formless. I felt his physical presence within the grip of my hand. I could see my outstretched arm, which was milky white in color, draped with a glowing yellow robe. He then said to me, “I would love to have a pair of earrings much like yours.” The earrings I wear are not easily removed so instead of giving him mine, I reached out and held his earlobes between my thumb and forefinger. As I removed my hand, transparent earrings appeared on him. Satisfied, he turned and rushed off into the dark of night. As I watched, I noticed a silver cord trailing him. Rainbow colors pulsated within the silver cord. I followed the silver cord back in my direction and realized our beings were tethered to each other by this silver cord. From the still of night, I heard him call back to me, “I forgive you.” I instantly knew this boy was my little man, my precious little Babers.
I then ran forward, following the silver cord, to see him one last time. As I ran, my robe caught sail and my body took flight. In amazement, I looked around and to the right and left of me I saw massive outstretched silver wings the size of aircraft. How could these be my wings? I could feel the wind rushing about my body. I heard a voice that said, “Look to your far right.” I turned to look and in the distance I saw a little angel in flight next to me watching over me. Between us was the silver cord that tethered us to one another.
Knowing it was Babers, I dropped into a state of utter bliss. I saw the shores of a beautiful ocean and a scenic coastline on a pristine day, in full and vivid detail. We soared high in the sky, then began to descend toward the ocean below. We swam among the fish of the sea.
I watched him swimming in the distance. He swam further and further into a dark abyss. Not wanting to go into the darkness of the abyss with him, I decided to pull on the silver cord and reel him in toward me. As I reeled him in, I heard a voice say, “He knows not what he does.” I then saw a dragon surface from the abyss. Refusing to lose him within the darkness of the abyss, I placed my hand upon the forehead of the dragon and visualized the image of Christ in my mind. Light then came to the depths of the abyss. The dragon turned to clay and shattered into a million pieces and sank to the bottom of the abyss. In the light, I then saw my little angel sitting peacefully in the distance.
The next day while in meditation, I still yearned to see my little man. I began having a vision in which I saw a meadow and there was rustling within the many plants of the field. Suddenly I saw the shadow of a little dog much like Babers. I followed the shadow until I came upon the little dog in a clearing. He marched happily among the tall grasses. I then saw that upon the ends of the earth stood a man completely naked and larger than life, whose image was impressed upon the heavens. He called to the dog, who quickly ran to his side content to follow him. I recognized this man to be my Higher Self.
I am blessed to have loved such a precious gift as my little man Babers. Much like my Higher Self, he won my heart without ever uttering a word. He has taught me what it is to love unconditionally. He has taught me how to walk in his master’s shadow and serve with a faithful heart. He has reminded me that I too am someone’s little man.
~~~ End of Book Excerpt
Putting these puzzle pieces together just now made me wonder if they have been perfectly placed to answer a question. I’ve always thought my pets have been splinters of my own spirit sent to comfort me and provide companionship because they have often provided me with so much unconditional love. Yesterday someone asked how the baby was coming along and how I felt about the baby not having a mother. I felt a bit insulted. I responded I am every bit a mother. He thought I was being campy as gay guys often do. So he then asked well whose going to be the daddy? To which I responded, I am every bit a daddy.
But i left there thinking maybe I’m not mom enough. Those messages of self doubt were haunting me yesterday after that. I wonder if today’s dream which made me recall this past dream about my dog Babers was a message sent. I had totally forgotten the voice in the dream that said, You are the Most Beautiful Woman I Have Ever Seen. Are my animals splinters of me and or angels or even splinters of things to come placed here for a purpose. Did the universe in God’s infinite wisdom know I would need this message at some point in my life. So glad to have these dreams to recall.
AMEN AMEN!!
I don’t like posting two images for a dream but this seemed appropriate.
Last night I had a dream where I am responsible for the AAA memberships. I’m new to this role. I am receiving all undelivered mail on memberships. I see the envelops with the names of the members on them. I am not entirely sure what I should do with them but I feel obligated to get the mail delivered to the addressees.
I am invited to a party. We are waiting for the doctor to arrive with the drugs that are needed to support our work. I am not aware of anything and feeling a bit lost and confused. The host serves dinner. I eat then prepare to leave. The host says, “The doctor has not arrived yet.” I can’t stay here all night long I have work to do and mail to deliver. They are blocking my departure so I find an alternate route down a spiral staircase. On one of the lower floors someone intercepts me and tells me not to leave yet. The doctor is simply running late.
The humanistically oriented has an aesthetic-artistic profile
July 18, 2018
DREAM 1: I had a dream where I am rearranging my website to show images of my daddy poses. My objective is to show what daddies look like. There are three images of me as a daddy I choose to settle on for the website.
DREAM 2: I had another dream where I invite friends to celebrate. My wallet is full of money. I take a bite of my wallet as if it was a sandwich. I worry I can’t exchange the money I’ve chewed. I close my wallet and pause to think what to do about the money I’ve chewed up. I open my wallet a second time and discover the wallet is as if I had not bitten into it. My wallet has recovered and has more money in it than before so much so that the money is falling out. It is stuffed so thick it is busting at the seams. Someone beside me tries to grab at my wallet and succeeds at taking money from me. Angered by this, I attack him pointedly targeting the return of my dollars. I am successful at recovering my money. Emboldened by this I go in for another grab at his money. I am successful at getting his money in addition to my money. I recognize I am in a dream and wonder if he is playing with me or testing my reaction in the dream. How assertive am I with the things I want in life?
DREAM 3: I then had another dream. I am in a castle. I contemplate how I might remodel it desiring to change the windows on the first floor. There is a white bottle of of lotion sitting on the counter with black lettering along with a symbol that looks like a large K. I am aware of a young man who is in the castle with me. He has approached to be a potential boyfriend. I know for him to be the one he must be able to read and understand the meaning of the symbol and writing on the bottle of lotion. If he is able to understand then he is the one if he can’t then he is not.
Last night I had a dream where I am a shark in a large body of water called to protect a bee hive. Before getting into the role of a shark i have to put my shark suit on. I notice the belt I have is extremely long even if I wrap it around twice it is still too long for my waist. The buckle is held by rubber bands because the belt has been used so much the leather is worn out. The rubber bands are so old they are no longer holding the buckle on securely. I look for the bee hive I am to protect. I find it and turn it over to look for the opening. The underside of the bee hive looks like a ball of cranberries with fibrous stands holding the red beads together. The opening looks leathery but is clearly an opening. I see someone’s finger trying to disturb the opening. I prevent him from disturbing it. The finger was trying to close the opening. I fix the opening allowing the bees free passage in and out of the cranberry hive. There is a white milky substance oozing from opening of the hive.
After thoughts: The belt brought memories of the black belt i have for my Santa suit which is too big for me. I added a link to the dream Santa’s Paradox because of the tie to the belt and while I was watching news tonight about the Trump fiasco Jill Wine-Banks used the term “preconceived notion” in relation to serving the President with a subpoena to appear in court and whether the Secret Service would allow it and the preconceived notion that he can’t be subpoenaed. Anyhow I don’t often hear the word “notion” and quite frankly I don’t even understand the word. I can’t quite put my finger on what it even after knowing its use and the dictionary definition or hearing it in speech. My book has a passage a quote of a message I received in a dream from a man with a white Santa beard that I’ve never quite understood as it seemed cryptic until today I have some clarity.
Spirituality is a treasure to live for all humanity, to overcome a notion, in a time when spirits rejoice.
Seeing the cranberries reminded me of the pregnancy videos I’ve been watching specifically detailing the lining of the uterus and I guess I can also see the long belt similar to an umbilical cord.
