Posts

Posted on

The Emperian Heaven of the Green Orb

Emperian HeavenToday I slept in late but first I had to let the dog out to do his business.  When he was done we returned to bed where I began my meditation.  I struggled to achieve a deep state of consciousness when all of the sudden I broke through, I saw clear as day two figures neither male nor female, two beings of the highest order.  Their complexion was shiny glowing and porcelain in nature.  They looked surreal.  They were standing gazing at a green orb that remained suspended in the space they held between them.  I was invited to gaze at the ball of green light.  I knew what I was experiencing was not of the 3rd dimension.  I was at the top of it all looking upon every dimension.  Everything that ever was and is I knew was contained within this green orb.  Outside of us and the orb was nothing but void space. I had never seen the color black so dark black as this. 

 

The vision slowly faded and I ran downstairs to look up green orbs on the internet. I thought maybe a search would lead me somewhere. I soon found my way to celestial spheres on Wikipedia and when I scrolled down I found what I was looking for. It was a drawing of Dante and Beatrice gazing upon the highest Heaven; from Gustave Doré‘s illustrations to the Divine Comedy Paradiso Canto 31. It was an image hauntingly similar to what I had experienced. The only difference was that the beings and myself were much larger than the orb. I understood that our gazing at it was what held everything in place. The size of the orb was about 6 inches in diameter.

Posted on

Look, He Sees Himself, Send in the Clown

Creepy ClownThis night was too creepy and bizarre in the dream.  The night started with my having difficulty falling asleep.  It was probably because I had myself a piece of carrot cake before going to bed.  Anytime I have something sweet before bed is always a recipe for trouble, but I just couldn’t resist the temptation for a piece of cake.  The cake did however help me remain lucid and conscious during most of the dream.  The dream starts off with me piloting a see through plane over a great body of water.  The body of the plane is made of some form of jelly substance.  Joe is with me as my co-pilot.  I’m teaching him how to maneuver the plane. With Joe now piloting the plane, we begin having problems staying airborne and I’m not paying attention to what he is doing.  The plane comes critically low toward the surface of the water and its belly skirts the sea. 

I’m then asked to choose as if I’ve played this game before.  I somehow know my options.  I can either take a reading to see my future or do a retake.  Without even thinking, I elect to do a retake.  A retake allows me to change the basis upon which my future would be decided.  It is a very risky move but has a high payoff if successful.  The retake allows me to take possession of my own reading and craft it with my own hands.  I am handed a wad of dough with which to form my reading.  The wad of dough is transforming before my eyes taking on a life of its own.  I am molding it keeping it contained long enough to change the outcome.  I notice it begins to grow hair and a face then emerges.  It is my face.  I feel compassion for who I am.  I hear a voice say, “Look, he sees himself.”  The face begins to then morph into a wormhole.  The wormhole is alive with a mouth like that of an anemone.  I place my fingers along the edge of the mouth.  The creature begins to draw me into itself.  I pull back barely managing to escape. 

I let go of the wormhole creature taking a few steps back.  Nothing happens for a few seconds and I’m thinking everything is ok now when all of the sudden a person emerges from the wormhole.  It is the devil himself appearing as me looking like a bald headed clown with an oversized forehead.  There is an initial shock.  Something pulls me from behind as if to embrace me in a gesture of protection.  The clown then yells out to me in a guttural tone, “STAND UP!” 

Knowing I’m not alone, I stand and lift my palm to him as rays of blue healing light come streaming forth from my hand.  Enveloped by the light the creature begins to shrink and withdraw.  It did not however withdraw completely.  I never returned to a full sleep as I continued to be on alert expecting it to return. 

Later in the night it did return once again approaching me in an attempt to menace and intimidate me.  Half asleep, I raised my palm above my head again.  Once again I could see the blue rays of healing light flow from me through my palm but this time the entity did not back down.  It came right up on me and pressed its hand against mine.  Startled by the touch, I immediately woke up from my half sleep.  As I opened my eyes, I could see the image of the clown floating above my bed.  My arm was outstretched preventing him from approaching any closer.  The energy was right up against my hand.  It slowly dissipated.  

Having to use the bathroom, I got up out of bed and confidently marched down the hallway to the bathroom, when something odd struck me in the dark hallway.  I have a little clown that has legs and arms made of yarn. I have had this clown for more than 25 years.  He has always sat on my banister for nearly as long as I have had him.  I sit him such that he stratles banister along the hallway where the banister meets the wall.  My clown was no longer sitting propped up against the wall but instead midway along the banister.  I continued down the hall toward the bathroom.  I knew something had moved my clown.  I flushed the toilet and proceed down the hall running my hand along the banister.  I gently grabbed my clown as I went by and slid him back where he normally sits propped up against the wall.  I returned to bed.  I then began to meditate.  While deep in my meditation I saw a woman slithering like a serpent on her belly.  I knew who it was.  As she slithered away she raised her head and turned to look at me.  As she turned a mirror was raised in the distance and I saw her reflection in the mirror.  I then held my hand out in front of my face with my index finger pointing up to indicate the number one.  I could see my spirit but my spirit cast no reflection in the mirror.  I knew then I was successful at realigning my future. 

About an hour later my alarm clock rang and I got up to get ready for work.  As I walked down the hallway I noticed something else out of place.  I have a little stuffed dog that hangs over the banister where the banister turns to head down the stairs.  I’ve had him on my banister for more than 17 years.  He normally faces the hallway and looks at you as you walk by.  Someone had turned him around.  Now he was pointing the other way as if to moon me when I walk by.

Regarding the Dark Forces, I know it to be a creation based on illusion.  It has power only as long as we believe in the illusion.  The biggest threat to the Dark Side is our awakening.  The day we see ourselves for who we realy are all illusion will fall away.  I recently received this message from my friend Sal Rachele who is a gifted channel.  He summed it up for us nicely so I will share it here with everyone. 

Although the idea of “dark forces” is based on illusion, within the lower four densities of Creation the dark forces seem to have power and control over many souls. In reality, there is only God. Everything is God, including those who believe there is a force that opposes God. Nevertheless, because we are all powerful, creative beings (created in the image and likeness of our Creator), we are capable of creating a great deal of misery and suffering. Just look around at the world and you’ll see what I mean. We have been given free will, which means we can either create like our Creator, or create unlike our Creator. If we believe there is a force that opposes God, that force will seem to take on a life of its own for us. We can then believe that this force controls and manipulates us and that we are powerless to overcome it.The main reason for the intense upheaval currently taking place is because all that is false must be brought to the light and dispelled. The dark forces are desperate to maintain their illusion of control over the souls of Earth so they are “pulling out all the stops” and launching a massive attack on the lightworkers of the world. Of course, this is ridiculous since in truth we cannot be assailed. However, if we have any unintegrated parts of ourselves that still believe attack is possible, then those parts will go through fear and other forms of upset.On the Earthly plane, we have souls who are hell-bent (pun intended) on destroying this planet with nuclear, chemical and biological weapons. We have been repeatedly informed that the benevolent beings assisting from the higher realms have been given permission to intervene and prevent us from blowing ourselves up. This is because there are enough lightworkers on Earth now that it would be a violation of our free will to experience nuclear war. Certain governments, intent on using nuclear weapons to further their agendas, are realizing that these weapons will not be allowed and are scrambling to find some other way of maintaining their illusion of control and dominance over Earth souls.Meanwhile, we are being called upon to send loving compassion and prayers to these misguided souls. Although they must freely choose to embrace the light, sending a positive force field of light to them can cause a shift to take place, at least in those “dark” souls that have some aspects of self willing to embrace the light. Therefore, increasing our prayers and love toward those who have forgotten their Oneness with God is paramount at this time. All souls are created in the image and likeness of the Creator and there are none that deserve to be seen with less than loving compassion. Let’s all remember this the next time insanity appears to have the up

Posted on

Copper: The Philosopher's Stone

AlchemistsI had a dream last night that had a sense of great importance to it.  In the dream, I find myself at a town square in a Russian city.  I am standing watching the people stroll by through the square.  It is so cold here the streets are covered in ice and people are actually ice-skating in order to get around. I notice that the people here don’t seem to be affected by the cold weather.  Everyone has a milky complexion, almost ghostly in nature.  It then occurs to me that I used to live here at one time.  This place was once home to me. 
 
There is about to be free for all event that would entitle the winner to the jackpot of winnings.  From the top of one of the building along the square the organizers are going to hurl a container out onto the square. The person that is the first to retrieve the container get to keep all of the entire contents.  
 
I now find myself at the top of the building with the other organizers of the event.  They are showing me the contents.  It is a small box, with a copper lid and an ivory bottom.  This smaller box is being place in a much larger box 100 times the size of the original box.  I can see the larger box now.  It is entirely made of copper.  The box is rectangular and is almost the size of the town square.  I can’t imagine them being able to push that thing far enough to land somewhere in the center of the town square.  

Red Square, Moscow RussiaSomeone then pushes the rectangular copper box and it barely makes it over the edge and lands just feet from the edge of the square and is encompassing 2/3rds of the square.  The participants down below are confused.  They thought they were supposed to scurry to collect the contents of the box but the box has landed larger than life directly in front of them.  It literally came to them.  They don’t get it.  Finally, one guy catches on to the monster sized copper box sitting in front of his eyes.  He then takes his index finger and middle finger and taps on the ground two times then places his hand on the copper box.  This is all that was needed for anyone to do to claim the prize.  He is now the winner.  I go down below to speak with him to share in his excitement.  He is thinking … “that was too easy”.  As I hear his thoughts in my head and my eyes meet his I realize he is me.  
 
Why did this dream come with such a great sense of importance?  I decided to do a bit of research to see what I might uncover.  Copper was obviously a major theme.  I know the connection between copper and pennies but did copper have any other significance here.  To Wikipedia I go to find out everything I can about copper.  
 
“Copper occupies the same family of the periodic table as silver and gold.  In alchemy the symbol for copper was also the symbol for Venus which is also the symbol for Man.”
“Copper occupies the same family of the periodic table as silver and gold.  In alchemy the symbol for copper was also the symbol for Venus which is also the symbol for Man.”
 
“The best known goals of the alchemists were the transmutation of common metals into gold or silver (less well known is plant alchemy, or “spagyric”); the creation of a “panacea,” a remedy that supposedly would cure all diseases and prolong life indefinitely; and the discovery of a universal solvent.[1] Although these were not the only uses for the science, they were the ones most documented and well known. Starting with the Middle Ages, European alchemists invested much effort on the search for the “philosopher’s stone”, a legendary substance that was believed to be an essential ingredient for either or both of those goals. The philosopher’s stone was believed to mystically amplify the user’s knowledge of alchemy so much that anything was attainable.”
 
Magnum opus
Main article: Magnum opus
The Great Work; mystic interpretation of its three stages:[4]
•           nigredo(-putrefactio), blackening(-putrefaction): individuation, purification, burnout of impureness; see also Suns in alchemy – Sol Niger
•           albedo, whitening: spiritualisation, enlightenment
•           rubedo, reddening: unification of man with god, unification of the limited with the unlimited.

Posted on

Mary Magdalene A Ray of Light

Mary MagdaleneI just finished a course on the life of Mary Magdalene.  I never had the level of appreciation and respect for her that I do now.  I definitely glossed over her importance as I’m sure many Christians have.  I do know now that I want to read The Gospel of Mary.  The Gospel of Mary is one of the gospels that did not make the cut into the Bible that we know now.  One of the reasons I’m sure is because it was from the perspective a woman.  She literally was the 12th apostle or more accurately the 1st. 

One thing is for sure, she was the first to see the risen Christ.  I know it was not by chance that Christ revealed himself to her before anyone else.  This course illuminated the many theories about Mary and Jesus. Whether you subscribe to the possibilities raised or not it does raise new dimensions of thought surrounding their relationship. 

It is a love story so incredibly touching and non-traditional it resonates so deeply within my soul.  So many things I was simply unaware of.  Whether she was a prostitute, a lesbian or whatever else that might give them cause to want to stone her, she suffered greatly alongside Jesus.  Having experienced the Crucifixion had to have been heart wrenching for a loved one to endure.  I would have been completely devastated then to be taken up so high upon seeing the risen Christ would have been a rollercoaster ride of emotion to say the least.  What a beautiful angle to come in on this story.  It is so out of the box it is refreshing.  It shows a humanness so tender and yet so divine. 

Last night I had a dream, where I am angry at my brother’s wife Maggie for having disrespected my mother.  She is lying about her actions and I want her to come clean and admit and repent of what she has done but she does not she simply continues to lie and deny it.  She infuriates me so much I slap her across the face.  My brother then walks in and tells her he has finally had it with her.  She is begging him to reconsider his actions.  My brother refuses and in the heart ache of losing her and the decision which is forced upon him, he locks himself in a vaulted room and turns on the gas.  He is about to commit suicide because he can no longer endure the pain.  They look at each other through a glass window in the vaulted door. 

I am driving my mom around in a golf cart to remove her from what she is about to experience; the loss of her son.  We ride over to where there are several pools filled with glowing blue waters.  My mother is afraid that I’m going to endanger her by driving the cart too close to the edge of the pool.  She doesn’t understand the spiritual nature of what she is about to experience by bathing in the refreshing waters of the pools.  I am bringing her here to renew her life.  I’m trying to reason with her but she is set and determined to remain in her own fear. 

I then become lucid and realize it is close to the time when I need to wake up to get ready for work.  I observe my surroundings within the dream realizing what I have just done.  I’m thinking, I’m now going to get phone calls from everyone in the family blaming me for antagonizing the situation by pushing the issue to a confrontation. 

Ray of LightMy alarm clock rings.  I wake up thinking sarcastically…..”wonderful dream Ruben.”  I snoozed the alarm and laid my head back down to meditate.  I immediately began having a vision.  A ray of beautiful blue light so intense filled every corner of my vision.  The rays of light were broken by something; a shadow in the distance.  The light was so intense like the blue torch flame on a welder’s gun yet it did not hurt my eyes.  I knew something had to be in the distance obstructing the light that was coming through.  I stayed within the divine light for 9 minutes until my alarm clock went off a second time.  

Again, I hit the snooze button.  I returned to my vision where I now saw a bearded man in spirit wearing a long white robe seated with a book on his lap and a pen in one hand.  He was writing in his journal.  With every couple words that he wrote, he would pause to reflect and meditate on what he had just written.  What he was writing was apparently very dear and close to his heart. I could tell by the expression in his face.  His fingers gently caressed the pages upon which his pen lay.  My alarm sounded a second time. 

The connections in this dream did not hit me immediately.  Even the obvious connection between Magdalene and my sister-in-law Maggie I missed at first.  It wasn’t until I began to write that it made perfect sense.  I tried to think back to the last time I saw the light as bright as this.  It was the time I had the vision of Christ on the Cross surrounded by concentric circles of arched angles.  Had I been that close once again to the presence of the Christ Light?  Remembering back to the vision of Christ on the Cross where at his feet were kneeling both Mary the mother of God and Mary Magdalene.  Yes it was Mary Magdalene whose image was obstructing the light before my eyes this morning.

I have to ask myself, if I am Maggie, am I dealing too harshly with myself?  Are there things, I’m not admitting to that are keeping me set in my old ways preventing me from renewing my life by bathing in the illuminated waters of the Light of Christ.  What can I do today to honor this dream as Christ honored his beloved Magdalene as imperfect and divinely human as she was?  Maybe I can look at both Maggies in a different light.

Posted on

A Stargate Science: The Living Faces

StargateI have been pondering the mystery of these Moai referenced in my recent dreams and visions.  Anytime synchronicity appears around me it is a clear indication for me to pay close attention to what is happening.  The universe is trying to get my attention.  This began with my Red Riding Hood vision, followed by the Coneheads, which lead to the Moai’s from Easter Island. Research into the Moai left me speechless when I came across the reference to the Living Faces. 

So often in my mediations and contemplation on the stars have I seen through the darkness within the minds eye, Living Faces swept by the sea of consciousness.  Are these the gods of the stars and the heavens, beings from other dimensions those described by the people of Easter Island?  I know there is a Stargate Science here. Within us is a portal to other dimensions.  Within us is a mirror of what we experience as out there in the heavens, those bodies of light we call stars.

Posted on

Room For Rent In The Bell Tower

Last night I had a dream where I am living back at my old house which I’m once again renting from Larry.  Except this is not the house we had on Mount Washington it is the house on 12th Street.  Now I am the primary person on the rental lease agreement so I am in charge of the house.  I can have the pick of rooms where I want to set my bedroom.  I have reserved the entire 3rd floor of the house for myself.  As I walk through the house, I realize how expansive and big this house really is.  Many of the rooms are fully furnished but hardly ever used.  I now live there by myself and two other guests.  Even with the two guests in the house it still has many rooms to spare. 

 

Cloaked AssemblymanI am thinking I could easily make a living by renting the rooms of this house and never have to work again.  I mention this to one of my guests who is staying in a room on the 2nd level of the house.  His current room is very unique in that the walls of the room are similar to the oriental style room partitions that are used as room dividers made of large square lattice and rice paper.  It reminds me of being in a confessional.  I tell him I’m thinking of renting out one of the bedrooms on the 3rd floor and offer up my space to be shared with someone.  He asks me if I would allow him to exchange his room for my offering on the 3rd floor.  I agree to allow him to use it.  I decide to give him the room at the rear of the third floor.  As I’m walking there to show him the room he asks me how much money I want as rent.  I have no idea?  I guess something like $400.  He says, that I am currently charging him $1400.  I then tell him that he should then continue to pay $1400.  He asks me how much do you pay for the entire space.  Out of somewhere unknown I pull up the figure, $4,200. 

 

I then realize I had forgotten that the house is inhabited by many spirits who often hold assemblies.  The assemblies are known as the Assemblies of Light.  I forgot to mention this to him. As that thought crosses my mind, I see one of the assembly members wearing a red hooded cloak come rushing toward me.  He bumps into me as he hurriedly dashes by.  How am I going to introduce this twist of fate to him? 

 

Up in the back room of the house in the room he would be occupying is a middle aged man who every morning sticks his head out the window to play his wooden pipe which he plays like a bull’s horn.  It plays an intoxicating melody that serves as a call and signal for the ears to hear.  It is a call from a bell tower. 

 

In the corner of the room is a wooden box which is mounted on the wall like a light switch.  It has the appearance of a coffin.  I open the lid to reveal a bi-fold door.  With the release of each fold the entire 3rd floor of the house magically becomes bigger, deeper and wider adding dimensions and perspective that were not originally present.   This place is now bigger and greater than it ever was before.  I’m thinking this must be their secret on how they fit so many attendees at their gatherings. I am in utter amazement at the new size of the space.  This place is incredibly beautiful.  The furniture and décor is exactly to my style and liking.  There are rich deep colored woods and it has a very earthy feel.  It is a place for a king to reside.  As I step into this expansive space to experience its beauty I realize I am suspended in mid air at it’s center.  I have an incredible sense of freedom yet I am unable to move forward, backward, up or down or any direction for that matter.  I am simply suspended at its’ core.  In that moment I begin to awaken from the dream becoming lucid.  I look at my surroundings with now a lucid awareness as I gently open my eyes to see where I am.  I am in bed in my bedroom.  With my eyes open I am holding both dimensions in my awareness simultaneously.  I needed to pee but I remained calm for as long as my consciousness would allow me to hold both realities in my conscious awareness.  Slowly and gently the other dimensions began to fade.  In the distance I can see a very large gathering of the Assemblies of Light who have gathered to cheer me on. Hey stand in the distance with their arms stretched high swaying back and forth as my room once again returned to its normal size. 

 

WOW!  INCREDIBLE!!

 

Posted on

Signed by the Coneheads

MoaiThis morning upon snoozing my alarm, I laid in bed to meditate.  I immediately had a vision that was so incredibly clear.  My consciousness was hovering over and peering into another dimension.  This had a sense of the faerie realms that I’ve become familiar with.  I appeared to be in a schoolhouse in a dark shadowy forest.  I saw a group of short stocky little old ladies with long skirts.  They seemed to move with one mind.  They had a great sense of connectedness. I could see their thoughts move gracefully between them.  It was like watching a school of fish move.  They were Coneheads about 4 feet tall.  Their heads were about a third of the size of their bodies.  They all wore identical cone shaped hats on their heads which reminded me of the pictures my brother Paz brought back with him of his time in the Vietnam.  He had taken pictures of the Vietnamese walking through the rice fields with their cone shaped hats.  They all appeared to have their backs toward me looking forward and they appeared to be walking backwards as if time was moving backwards.  I made myself a mental note to look up information on the Coneheads when I got to work.  My alarm then sounded and I got up to get ready for work.  

 

MoaiHere is how I know these visions come from a higher intelligent source.  It is a source that is trying to get my attention to help me in some way achieve my goals in life.  Quite possibly these beings are in my life to help me execute the code which I’ve been procrastinating and reluctant to issue.  Yesterday while standing on the train station platform, I had a flash of insight regarding the knowledge of this code which I carry.  If I know what this code is, both backwards and forwards, what is it?  What do I know so intimately well?  It had to be something so close to me so present in my every moment of my life.  It then hit me. My life is the code.  I am that code. “I am” is that code.  Is this the revelation Christ had when he said, I am that I am? To live my life with divine purpose and in harmony with the life force energy that surrounds me is to place into motion that magic code that unlocks the mysteries of life to give you vision beyond your wildest dreams.

 

Moai with Red HoodHere is how I know this is true.  The universe confirmed itself by way of synchronicity as it always has in guiding my path.  When I got to work, I looked up Coneheads using Wikipedia.  It brought up what I expected namely information on the Saturday Night Live sketch staring Dan Aykroyd and Jane Curtin.  The Coneheads were an “alien” family.  Here again are my aliens.   It also said, “Dan Aykroyd developed the idea for the Coneheads based on the Moai, the mysterious and ancient stone statues of Easter Island, which had similarly conical heads.”  So I followed the lead and looked up Moai.

“Moai or “Moˀai” are monolithic human figures carved from rock on Rapa Nui / Easter Island, mostly between 1250 and 1500 CE. Nearly half are still at Rano Raraku the main Moai quarry, but hundreds were transported from there and set on Ahu (platforms) which were mostly at the islands perimeter. Almost all have overly large heads three fifths the size of their body. The Moai are the “living faces” (aringa ora) and representations of chiefly, deified ancestors.”

In looking at the pictures of the statues they look just like my Coneheads in my multidimensional vision this morning.  The picture of them even show them all facing the same direction just as in my vision.  

Reading further, you see where some of the stone monoliths are depicted wearing a stone hat on their head.  The stone used for the hats has a red color to it.  Yeah…you could say they wore Red Hood’s.  Not only that, but the hats were cylindrical and stacked like a cone.  These hats are called Pukao topknots. 

The Pukao were all carved from a very light red volcanic stone scoria, which was quarried from a single source at Puna Pau. The Pukao was balanced as a separate piece on top of a Moai‘s head.

Punau Pau  where the hats come from is a quarry in a small crater or cinder cone on the outskirts of Hanga Roa in the South West of Easter Island (a Chilean island in the Pacific Ocean).

Coneheads!  I knew nothing about any of this.  It is amazing how it all relates to each other with such divine synchronicity.  

Posted on

Dealing With Repressed Sexual Issues

Comment on the last two dreams:
I vaguely remembered the story of Red Riding Hood from my childhood. I looked up the story on Wikipedia to see what else I might be able to glean off this last dream. I was struck by three things mentioned on Wikipedia about the fairy tale.

1) The symbol of RRH being cut out of the wolf’s belly as a representation of the dawning.

2) The story seen as a sexual awakening or a parable of sexual maturity.

3) As a warning to stay on the path.

It always amazes me how insightful my dreams are. What they reveal is always profound. Just last week I became willing to uncover another layer of my recovery that centers on sex and love issues. It has come as a result of my deep dissillusionment with the dating scene now that I am single. I’m just now getting to the point where I have sought out help from yet another support group in addition to my therapist. I have finally reached a point where I feel I can talk through my repressed and disassociated feelings. Many of these issues go back to my childhood. In my earlier dream where I am taking a shower to prepare myself for my date who is to arrive in 20 minutes, I instantly knew I had repressed layer upon layer (the t-shrirts) of childhood feelings regarding my sexuality. I need to work through those old feelings of feeling dirty and unclean in people’s eyes. I knew I was gay before I ever knew what sex was. I was probably in the 2nd grade a the time. I also know in order for me to ever have a healthy relationship in the future, I have to start by coming to terms with my behaviors surrounding my last relationship. On the bright side, it has the promise of being a short process, 20 minutes is not a long time to wait for a date to arrive into my life. I think most of the work has already been done. I’m already living a new life. The spiritual void I have been feeling as a result of my dissillusionment I believe God has given me so that I won’t gloss over my past as I have always done. I simply have to stop procrastinating and get in touch with those past feelings so that I can move forward and finally mature sexually.  I even signed up to go on a spiritual retreat with 33 other members of this support group for a weekend of workshops and sharing.  I’m looking forward to finally getting this stuff off my chest.  I’m going to purge it all and allow God to lighten my burdens.

Posted on

Stop Procrastinating Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding HoodLast night my entire dream was about my procrastination on issuing a single command to change or set the secret key in the system’s configuration file. I know the command that needs to be issued. I’ve issued the command many times in the past. It is a rather long command that centers on the secret key. I am having trouble staying focused, constantly hesitating and waiting for a moment when I’m perfectly situated without distractions. I have one excuse after another. My head hurts from the pressure placed on me to execute the command without endangering the system. I don’t have a development system on which to test it out. The command must be issued against the actual system.

In the morning my alarm clock rings. I had not yet issued the command. I wanted to go back to issue it because I knew it backwards and forwards but why was I hesitating? I snoozed my alarm and began my meditation to try to go back. I see a vision of a memory from my earlier dream where again I was taken back to a corridor laid with marble floors and marble columns lining a beautiful promenade. At the far end I can see a pristine blue ocean. I want to walk the path along the promenade. I want to reach the other side. I am lost in the beauty of my surroundings. My alarm clock rings.

Left with unfinished business, I snooze the alarm a second time and return to my meditative vision. This time I see a caricature of a wolf seated on a sofa with one arm stretched out along the backrest. He is talking to me. His mouth is moving and I can see his facial expressions changing but I hear no sound. He is speaking to me telepathically. He places the story of Red Riding Hood into my mind.

Posted on

Uncovering Layers From My Childhood

Early this morning, I had a dream where a guy who I’ve been working on getting together with for a date, calls me on the phone.  He asks me if I’m still interested because he has some free time today.  Excited at the prospect of a date, I tell him that I am interested.  He tells me it would have to be now since he has a commitment later in the evening.  He lives over near the aquarium shop where I frequently go.  I’ve traveled his path often.  I’m trying to give him directions but for some reason I’m having trouble remembering the turns he should take.  He tells me it should only take him about 20 minutes to get to my house.  I am thinking it will give me just enough time to shower and get ready. 

T-ShirtI hang up the phone and proceed to jump in the shower.  I notice the shower is configured exactly like the one we had when I was a child living on Crown Hill. Instead of having the knobs and showerhead at one end, they are mounted along the long part of the shower tub.  I feel dirty, sweaty and gritty.  I jump in the shower and begin washing myself.  I then realize I still have my t-shirt on.  I quickly take it off and continue showering.  Same thing happens.  I’m feeling unclean again.  I then notice I have another t-shirt on which is sticking to my skin.  Again with a bit of difficulty, I remove the second t-shirt and continue showering.

Again, I’m feeling dirty.  I then notice I have yet another shirt on.  What is going on?  I’m looking at the t-shirt and it is a t-shirt from my childhood which now fits way too tight on me.  Underneath that one I have 5 other layers of shirts on underneath.  They are all sticking to my skin with the water from the shower.  They are all shirts from different periods of my childhood.  I can’t get them off because they are simply too tight.  I need help getting them off but no one is around to help me. 

My ex Joe walks into the bathroom. I feel awkward about asking him to help me get ready for a date but he is the only one around who can help me.  At this point, I’m more interested in getting rid of this feeling of being dirty.  Underneath the shirts my skin is raw and very sensitive.  I realize my skin has not seen the light of day in a very long time.   I want to remove the shirts and allow the water to refresh my skin; to breathe freely.  I know I won’t be able to be intimate with someone until I allow time for my skin to heal.  I ask Joe to help me take the shirts off my back.