Lucid – Ruben Bailey

September 16, 2022

Aliens Think You’re Cute

August 16, 2022

Last night I had a very interesting dream. Oddly enough before we went to bed Oliver and I took the dog out for a pee. We always enjoy looking up at the sky and naming any planets we can see. Tonight I noticed a new planet shining in the sky. For a moment I thought it might be the International Space Station because the shape looked like a top. Unlike any planet this object was moving slowly. Its movement seemed odd in that it was moving sideways as if being blown by wind instead of a straight line. It seems to change direction slightly. Its path was that of an L shape as if the wind suddenly stopped blowing. I stood there and told my son Oliver that it might be a space ship. Its position was directly overhead. I thought they must know we are tracking it. It soon drifted out of sight.

So in this night’s dream I am on vacation. I am staying in a room at a hotel. There is a great deal of activity at the hotel. Possibly a conference of sorts. My laptop has a CD in it that someone left behind for me. It contains personal pictures. Was it an accident they left this behind or did they intend for me to see their private pictures? I am captivated by the content of the images but I don’t have time to look at them all because I need to get ready to check out of the hotel. My room door is open and apparently people have wondered into my room. Looking at who is in my room I can see some are not human. These are aliens. I immediately become lucid and aware that I am dreaming. I try to determine if I am actually dreaming or if I have been transported onto some spaceship during my sleep. Is this my chance to actually come face to face with aliens?

Both the aliens and people seem all up in my business. I’m being pawed at from all sides by everyone. I want to collect my things so nothing of mine is lost or left behind. I also need to go to the bathroom to pee. I pass by my laptop on the way to the restroom and hear a voice say, “You are so cute.” The voice is coming from the cam on the laptop. Has someone hacked my laptop and are viewing me through my camera?

Needing to pee I wake up and head to the bathroom. Once done I lay back down and immediately reenter the dream. I am amazed at the clarity with which I can see everyone. Unlike normal dreams this one seemed to be extremely real and I am fully lucid because I just came from the bathroom. Those here continue pulling on me trying to get my attention I pull away trying to resist their advances. They will not leave me alone. I need time to study my surroundings. I then decide to make some unscripted changes to throw them off. I move in one direction and then move to another direction then back. The dream seems to not have expected my movements because now I am seeing double and triple of the same thing as if multiple dreams are now playing out at the same time.

My attention latches on to one of the persons present. To know this person is to know myself better. I want to know who he is and why they are so close to me invading my private space. I reach over to him and grab him. I am making considerable conscious effort to grab him that I begin to wake up. I decide to give it one last forceful effort to reach for him and pull him toward me. In that moment I woke up and my arms were holding my son Oliver in bed. It was Oliver I was reaching for.

May 14, 2019

Flapping Doesn’t Help

May 14, 2019

I don’t remember much from last night’s dream. What I do recall was immediately before I woke up to go to the bathroom I was attempting flight to try to evade some threat. I remember not being sure whether I could pull it off or not. I summoned my strength and flapped my arms and off I went into the heavens. I recall looking down and finding myself over a large body of water. I thought I should probably avoid flying over water since I am not a great swimmer.

While in flight it occurs to me to ask how is it I got here? As I am flapping my arms like a bird to try to maintain altitude a voice says to me, “Your ability to fly comes from within your core there is no need to flap your arms.” With a new awareness of my core, I feel the energy rising from within creating lift.

I then woke up and marched confidently to the bathroom. Once I was done, I flushed and flapped my arms as I returned to bed. I remember thinking, “Flapping doesn’t really help.”

March 23, 2019

Fisher of an Asian Man

March 23, 2019

In last nights dream, I am away from home at my work site. I see many trucks and construction men around me. They are breaking ground to build a new work site. I become aware of a fissure in the foundation which threatens to divide the site. I somehow know this fissure to be in my house also as it’s effects are felt by the entire neighborhood. I decide to leave the job site and travel back home to secure my belongings. My house is just a few blocks away and adjacent to the job site. There is havoc as people scurry to evacuate the area. The rush of people is causing delays in getting home. A truck driver offers me a ride. Assuming this to be the speediest route home, I accept.

Once in the truck, it becomes apparent he would need to travel the long way around the work site to get to my house. The offer now seems a bit backhanded as it really was of no help to me and is taking me further out of my way. I decide to get off and head back to the parking lot to cut through to the other side. I feel the urgent need to poop but I still have a long way to go. A small wet fart slips out which causes me to soil my pants. While in the parking lot, I ask one of the cleaning ladies if she can offer me a restroom where I can clean up a bit. She offers one of her janitor closets which has a small shallow sink with fresh water and some paper towels. I clean up a bit but notice the poop is alive with fish and tiny animals. It is a muddy river teaming with life. Where the poops runs into the clear waters in the sink I examine the various life forms. There are animals of all kinds. This is not standard poop but poop which must be preserved.

After depositing all the poop into the small utility sink with water I leave to continue my journey home. I have very little time to get there so I decide to travel in somewhat unconventional ways. I assume I must be dreaming and therefore must have special powers within this dream. Taking an example from one of the frogs in the sink I decide to try to leap frog my way out of the parking structure. My leap frogging works and I am able to quickly scale my way out of the parking structure only to find it does not exit out where I need to be. Once again, I am confronted with having to find an alternate route.

The animals from my poop are now fully constituted and offer me other resources and new ideas for getting home. There is one fish who is especially beautiful and a gifted swimmer. Following his intuitive lead, I follow him to my home.

I am secure and safe in bed where I immediately have a false awakening. An Airbnb guest arrives. I hear him enter and walk up the steps to the second level. I get up out of bed knowing I already have a guest in the upstairs bedroom. I am greeted by an Asian man and his 10 yrs old son. Something unusual catches my attention about the Asian man I recognize him from before and if I do it must be a guest who previously stayed with me and is returning. Knowing I haven’t changed the pass-code on the door I assume he simply used the old pass-code to enter the house. The boy runs into my bedroom to play with things in my room as if this was his home. At the top of the stairs I explain to the man I already have a guest staying with me and don’t have available space to accommodate him. I sense he has come for an ulterior motive. I sense he is secretly attracted to me. I can see he is getting an erection in his pants. I don’t think it is a match since I am generally not attracted to Asian men. He excuses himself and proceeds to leave with his son.

It occurs to me to check to see if my son is with me. I return to the my bedroom where his son was playing only to find the infant car seat is empty. I go into a panic wondering where I might have left my child and in who’s care did I leave him. I head downstairs where my nieces are gathered. I suspect one of them might have smuggled my child with them. My niece Ester smiles at me with a mouth full of teeth so white they look fake. She smiles a second time long enough for me to carefully examine her digital teeth. There is something electronic about them. Maybe it is the means she uses to whiten her teeth. As they leave, my niece Daisy is the last to say goodbye. She places her hand on my voicebox and transmits a message like a ventriloquist. I immediately feel the vibration of her voice within my voicebox but the sound is muffled I can not understand the words. The look on her face tells me she is very happy for me and is confident I will find my missing child.

I next walk toward one of my guest bedrooms passing through the kitchen and dinning room where the Asian man’s son is sitting at the table waiting for someone to feed him. Knowing the Asian man must still be in my house I open the other bedroom door. The Asian man is in there but blocks the door from opening fully. All I can see is his face and the baby blue t-shirt he wears. One thing which strikes me are his soft youthful features. I have a feeling my son is with the Asian man.

September 15, 2018

You’re Majesty; The Queen

September 15, 2018

In last nights dream, I am in a village in a distant place with my dog Butters. The village is a place of twin cities which sit along a river. One side is a population of indigenous Indians like Mayans. I can see their elaborate and the earth tone colors they wear and beautiful head dresses. On the northern side is the City of Royals. They are the crystalline people. They have outfits made of shimmering particles.

Two women sit on thrones. One is a grandmother and the other is the great grandmother. The great grandmother is the furthers away and she sits upon a mount which oversees the City of Royals.

On the other bank of the river there is yet a third area separate from the twin cities where a giant monolith stands. He stand 100 times taller than any man in the village. He wears all dark grey silver color. He is a monolith of granite yet he is animated and alive. Some time passes before I realize he is standing across the river. I spend this time visiting with the villagers freely passing between the northern side where the Royals live and the southern side where the villagers live. I’ve spent time on both sides with them the entire time unaware of a divide.

I hear a voice ask, “Did you pay your respects to You’re Majesty the Queen?” I look around and for the first time witness the Monolith Man. HUH? Who and what is this? Who is he referring to as the Queen? I assume he is referring the the great grandmother who would in essence be the queen. I am now for the first time aware of the divide between the cities. I recognize the distinction between the two cities. I realize the two mothers are queens and they sit on the Royals side of the divide. The Monolith insists for a second time, “Did you pay your respects to You’re Majesty the Queen?” If this monolith has been standing here all this time he would be well aware I have visited and played with them for this entire time. They are family to me.

Overwhelmed by his sheer size I feel obligated to go back to the City of Royals and pretend to satisfy his request. With deep reluctance I travel back to the northern side where the Great Grandmother Queen sits. I approach kneel before her and ask in a whisper, “Great Grandmother what’s up with your son? Is he not paying attention?” Knowing she is regarded as nobility I seek her protection given my size in comparison to the Monolith. I ask her, “What should I do?” To which she answers in a loving tone placing her hand on my head and combing my hair with her fingers, “Well call me, You’re Majesty and Just go along with it.” This angers me because it seems unjust after all she is my great grandmother and who is this man who orders me around. To please the situation I whisper “You’re Majesty is that enough?” Now with an overwhelming sense of impending defeat beckoning every fiber in my body to respond. I turn inward for a moment to summon a response for the Monolith. In this moment of deep inner contemplation a rush of energy floods my body. From the my feet upward, my body fills with the energy and I immediately take flight. The rush is so great I am forced to temper the energy so as to not fly too high above and out of their sights. I realize this seems to be an adequate source for power to use in response to the Monolith.

While in flight I take the opportunity to learn how to control flight. I try different maneuvers. I suspect I am somewhat lucid here because this seems to be an automatic response to flight some earthly programming I have inserted into the dream to test things pertaining to flight. I notice some of the makeovers don’t respond as well as others. As time passes I seem to be losing the ability of flight. I try navigating to different places in the dream some with success some requiring a great deal of mental effort. I wonder if the way to more effectively control the dream is not my intent to move toward objects but instead my intent to have the scenery move toward me. Maybe my power is conserved by having everything else move around me in response to my desire while I remain still. I look down and behind me and notice I am now sitting on a chair while things are in motion around me.

With this new found awareness, I return to the villagers. As I approach from the skies I can see the surprise in their eyes as they cheer my return. I can see them going about their business in their homes. I am somehow in the mind of everyone here. I seem to know all that is happening. There is a feast where we eat and celebrate. It is now time for me to head back home. They offer me food to take back with me. The only place to carry the food is in my suitcase which is not the best place to store food but I do it anyway.

Upon returning home I have a false awakening. Where I believe I’m back home. Except the family I am now a part of are Indians from India. I bring out the food I have packed to share with them. Their customs are different from mine. Everyone eats of the food. I suddenly realize I have traveled back home and forgot to bring Butters with me. I enter a state of extreme panic like that of loosing a child. The dream must have known it needed to intervene to calm me down. I then felt my dog move who was nestled comfortably between my legs on the bed. I reached over and patted his head with an overwhelming sense of relief I returned to the dream now fully lucid.

I take advantage of my lucid state an asked the question, “What gives with the divide. I wish to understand the separation between the twin cities.” I instantly found myself on the banks of the river looking at two distinct time windows much like a portrait of each city. One millennia past and one today. The one today the river is very over grown with flowers and wild grasses along it’s banks. The one from past is pristine tranquil in its beauty yet dark and still.

Still wanting to understand more I find myself in the City of Royals. This time the city is empty only I walk here among the ruins of this place. I enter the school where I walk through it’s classrooms. I hear the voices of children play yet no one is here with me. I find an origami someone has left behind. I begin to unfold it examining how it was constructed. Fold by fold, I deconstruct the origami revealing an inner message. It is a code of secrets. In the lower right corner as I unfold the last piece of the paper I see a milky white head crowning through the crease in the page. I pause knowing this is a reference to a baby. I pause to look at the paper still not wanting to fully open it savoring the moment and trying to take in as much information as possible. I look back at the writing. It is not writing I consciously recognize yet I am intimately familiar with it’s message. At some level I understand. Deep within its creases I see the face of a woman. She is talking to me yet I cannot hear her words but I can see her lips move. I clearly understand the message. “Its possible if you want it badly enough.”

~~~~DREAM ENDS

I chose to take the alternate spelling of the word you’re instead of your given my knowledge of dreams and the wordplay that happens in dreams. Also given that each character in the dream is a reflection of me. I assume the dream is telling me I am majesty, I am hewn from stone. The dream I think is also telling me that I am the queen and ruler of my life. I have motherly instincts. I need to pay my own regards to myself and recognize and honor this part of me.

This dream is deep with meaning. I found it interesting that when I approached the queen I didn’t acknowledge her as queen I went back to refer to her as grandmother and asked what was up with her son? What made me assume the Monolith was her son? How and why did I equate the monolith as her son? and am I the monolith? Am I the son? Do I need to bring my self down a level and pay for what I want badly enough. Funny how in so doing I found my energy.

May 26, 2018

à Daris: Itsay Ouryay Assyay Ownpay

May 26, 2018

After waking up in the morning and doing my usual bathroom break, I returned to bed for the precious snooze. I immediately find myself in a restaurant. We are seated at a long picnic style table which reminds me of the last supper because everyone is sitting on one side. There is a male family member seated at the other end of the table who stands up. His act of not conforming to what we are doing namely sitting to eat outrages me. In a stern tone I tell him, “Sit your ass down!” I am looking through the menu deciding what to order. I decide to order empanadas but the waiter tells me the empanadas have to be picked up from a location in Columbia which would take me a day to travel there. Curiously, I recall Columbia referenced in a previous dream but this doesn’t quite yet trigger a lucid state. I decide to order pizza instead but cannot decide on the size of the pie. The waiter shows me the square pizza boxes. They are twice as deep as you would expect them to be. He opens a 16 inch box which has a double decker wedding cake inside. It reminds me of my new Shamanic drum which I just purchased. He cuts the cake in gesture saying, “Your pizza fits inside.”

A waitress tells me the game played at the restaurant is Pig Latin. Whatever you say you must substitute the p’s for d’s. They seem to be very good at substituting the sound. They do this effortless. This frustrates me because there is always a new requirement.

I am given an envelope with seeds to occupy my time while I wait. I walk outside so as to not be required to participate in the Pig Latin game. The envelope is getting wet as the day is cloudy, drizzly and grey. The fibers in the envelope are breaking down exposing the seed to the moisture. I worry the seeds will germinate before I am able to plant them in an appropriate place. I begin walking looking for a place to plant them and discover I am in Paris. Knowing I don’t have to be anywhere until tomorrow, I decide to take advantage of the situation and walk up the Champs-Élysées toward Rue de Rivoli and the Le Marais district. I’ve been here before so I know my way around. I will find an appropriate park to plant the seeds on my walk.

The sites are so beautiful I want to take a picture. As in a dream from yesterday I don’t have a camera with me. This awareness triggers a lucid state. The walk is longer than I remember it to be so I sit down. My seat then begins to move continuing in the direction of Le Marais. Beneath my seat, I hear a pipe or muffler dragging on the ground behind me. I smile with an inner knowing, this is just a sound effect let it drag I am not worried about it. The chair is now moving at a good clip. I turn and look back taking in the sites, “That muffler doesn’t seem to be impeding my progress.”

April 27, 2018

The Kids Table

I had a dream where I am trying to coordinate a flight with my ex Joe. I have to find a place to park my car but the airport parking lot is full and I’m told by the parking attendant that there is a detour and he advises me to find another option. He points me in the direction of a metered spot but I am suspicious of that spot because I don’t want to get a ticket just in case I don’t get back in time to pick up the car. Instead I go looking for another parking space. I am able to find street parking nearby. I don’t know when the flight is but I do know it is scheduled soon.

I then find myself trying to save my goldfishes. Someone has placed them in a bucket with very little water. The fish are struggling to swim. I feel a strong connection to them as if they were my children. I go looking for a water bottle to try and save them. I find a blue and grey bottle in the kitchen cupboard. I fill it up with water and pour it in the bucket only to find the bucket has holes everywhere. Someone is trying to sabotage my effort. One of the fishes is already dead. Mocha and Cleo now eat the fish not knowing they are special.

My brother Paz is trying to entrap me between a concrete wall. Paz has sided with Trump and is now a terrorist. He is jealous of my spiritual connection and wants to kill me or have me go missing so that he can claim my property. I’m really tired of dealing with the Paz’s character and decide I will no longer be part of it. I refuse to give him power over me. I step into my faith in the knowledge that I am OK regardless of what Paz is doing. I then surrender and step into the space between the concrete walls. My friends Toni C and Stephen are here along with other friends from various groups who have come to this space to support me. The space between the walls begins to provide a clearing.

Those gathered here tell me that they have gathered my seed and I have born a child but that the child has the defect of illegitimacy. They bring the child to me and I feel compassion for his situation. I take the child and he grows up in my arms. I teach him how to fly and watch him become a man. We take flight together and become one. I feel him against my loins and groin and in my spirit with a feeling of ecstasy. The feeling is beautiful and overwhelming.

Now in full flight we ascend to an elevation high above to the tops of the buildings where I see a bezeled window with a cut out shape much like a cookie cutter opening. The opening is large enough for my spirit to pass . We pass through the opening.

We are in flight. He is now a full grown man. Having taught him everything I pass my power to him and now he carries me. I can feel the wind touch my body. We are facing each other. I am moving backward as he is moving forward. Its time to find a resting place. As we descend he becomes younger and younger. Once we land his presence leaves me.

I then find myself sitting at a wooden picnic table where I meet a man. He is seated beside me. I am talking to the memory of my son as if he were still with me. I feel silly talking to someone that is not there. I’m afraid the man seated next to me will think I’m crazy. I am telling the man about my dreams and how wonderful they are. I’m getting confused. I can’t distinguish whether I’m dreaming or not. Although I am in a dream, I do not feel like I’m dreaming. A young boy comes up to me from out of the blue. Without skipping a beat, I continue talking to him as my son. He tells me about school and what he is learning. We have a fun conversation about playful things. I share with him how my life is. He then runs off telling me he needs to head back to school. As he is leaving, I remind him how much I love him.

I then resume talking to the man who is sitting next to me. I tell him how my dreams reveal my son. I struggle to describe what I have experienced in all its fullness. You have to be present to fully appreciate the magic. Once again I feel silly believing the man will question my sanity.

In that moment from out of the blue a young boy appears to hand me a chocolate. The chocolate is wrapped in an orange shinny tin foil paper with crinkled edges. I open it to find a hand written note inside. Reading the note, I recognize it as something I have written. In that moment the universe opens up as my awareness expands. I am fully aware of the dream and the magnitude of what it presents. I am in a dream yet I am awake. I experience synchronicity and deja-vu in the dream as in my waking life. Knowing this is my opportunity to see my son’s face, I take a good look wanting to know if he bears any resemblance to me. I am surprised to find that he is the same person as the λλale Carrier from my previous dream where I asked him if he had any male for me.

April 22, 2018

λλale Carrier

λs I was drifting off to sleep. I begλn to see beautiful spiraling strands of light pulsating through the ethers. It reminds me of the heavens where Angels dance. Their density increases as the strands begin to take form. Cartoon like images appear and take form as they cluster together. I can see cells form forming tubules that gather in stands of tubules which began forming a mesh that then enveloped me to carry me off as if in a worm hole.

I then find myself at work. I feel I have a bone to pick with my co-workers. I somewhat know I am in a dream cocky in my attitude and with mandate in hand. I am determined to find what I am looking for. I WANT THE TRUTH. I want to know what has been hidden from me and why I have been made to struggle to find it. I can see the people working in their respective office spaces. Each has a role to play. There is a science about it with precision and certainty. I know my job here to be one in communications. I study the setup I have in place. I know it intimately for I am the one who set it up. The overlords have been using my equipment to their benefit and withholding information. I want clarity. I want transparency. I see a woman in her cubicle who shares a wall with me. She is not aware or possibly she is aware but hiding the fact that she knows I am overlooking. She works to decipher the communication on the wire. She inconspicuously looks through a post card that serves a dual purpose. One of concealment and the other of insight. Used in combination with her computer she is able to decipher the transmission on the wire. λs I eavesdrop through the transparency of the post card she holds I clearly perceive the hidden strands. They are not unlike the stands which brought me here when I entered the dream portal.

I know I must press forward. I leave my cube and enter the main area of this section of the pod where I work. There is a mobile mail station at a junction point. Assuming if I work here I must have mail being addressed to me at this location. I look at the many mail slots on the mobile station not knowing what name I work under. I can’t seem to find my mail. The λλale Carrier approaches from the right junction and looks at me. With authority, I ask him to hand me my male. He then asks, “Who are you?”. Taking a chance, I answer, Ruben Bailey. I add a clarifying statement and disclose I often don’t pick up mail here so it may have been backlogged. He then answers, “I’m not aware of any male.” but hands me several flyers which he is delivering to all employees. I pause somewhat disappointed yet knowing any information received is the next clue and its more than what I had when I arrived. I am empowered to change. Turning inward, I glance at the flyers and look around to see what is within my control to change. The flyers indicate there is a ωelcome πeception today. I move forward to excuse myself with the young λλale Carrier end enter the restricted space where the ωelcome Party is being held. There are λliens here and I am aboard a space ship which has just landed. I can clearly see out the windows of the çraft. I move to a position where I see clearly. The windows are full length floor to ceiling in 360 degrees all the way around around çraft. There are so many λliens here who look very different from humans. I am unafraid yet a bit overwhelmed by their numbers. I reach beyond any fear and wave in their direction letting then know I have arrived.

Knowing my time is limited, I return to my duties to see what changes I can make to give me an edge with the overlords. I know they need me for their business. I also know they can’t do it without me. They rely on me to harvest the fruit of my labor. I sit and ponder how I might effect a paradigm shift to better harmonize with my desire and intent. I play the scenarios to determine their possible outcomes and come to the decision to leave things as they are and take no action.

When i woke up I looked at my phone and noticed my niece had sent me a message. It became the image of the dream. It seemed fitting for this dream.

CEDELIA craft = 3- Self-expression, Joy of Living, Creativity, Perfection. Art, Inspiration, Enthusiasm, Perfection, Spiritual-Physical Connection, Communication and Triad Paradigm.

Positive Traits

On the positive side, the energy attributes of the number three resonates with love demonstration, creative imagination, fulfillment, encouragement, and talent. It’s also related to culture, innovative skills, wit, pleasure, freedom-seeking, adventure, free-form, brilliance, non-confrontational, natural rhythm, self-expression, enthusiasm, psychic ability, holy triad knowledge (heaven-human-earth, father-son-holy spirit, past-present-future, thought-word-action). The number three resonates with the energies of the Ascended Masters and their guidance. Three also resonates with expression both artistic (writing, painting, singing, sculpture, etc.) as well as feelings (love, affection, friendship, etc.)

Negative Traits

On the negative side, the number three resonates with indifference through superiority, lack of concentration or focus.

April 1, 2018

Lead Role

In last nights dream I am given a manuscript for a play in which I am the leading role. There is a part of me that knows I’m dreaming and also has an awareness that this is good for me. I act contrary to my normal response which would be to shy away from any lead role. I am excited and accept the role without hesitation. I can clearly see the title page which has red and grey lettering in a calligraphic font. There are also some larger symbols on the page that although I don’t recognize them I do understand them. It looks like a romantic warm drama. I’m asked to read the part with others there but I don’t have my glasses on and the words are not legible. It occurs to me that I can read it from my gut as it is not so different from my own life.

March 28, 2018

Daddy’s Eyes

As I woke up this morning I saw a young man around the age of 30. He was so beautiful ageless, timeless, eternal. I didn’t know who he was at first but then he opened his eyes and stared directly into my soul as we connected and in that moment I knew exactly who he was. It was my dad. The connection was intense with a deep profound sense of knowing. His eyes were the color of the sun.

In last nights dream I became lucid and found myself in a building trying to find my way out toward freedom. I am feeling a sense of confinement and I don’t know the people around me. As I move about, I take note of the ethers that make up the dream. It illuminates with my thoughts. There are small etheric people within the ethers who pulsate light and color within their bodies in response to my thought. They look like brine shrimp as the energy pulsates within the ethers.

As i stand still observing their behavior I see that my ability to create color has developed over time. Now I experience complex shades of gray-blue. I also note that the color black has taken on a new form, a delicate lattice not to be feared. I see the letters 88 or HH appearing in the lattice.

As I walk through one door and emerge in another room very different from the previous I somehow know that I am in the same room. I then will myself to go outside as I walk through a white door before me, I see people walking about not unlike on any city street. They all appear to have purpose in being here going about their business. I will myself to fly but seem to struggle getting very far up off the ground and not sufficient to clear the buildings. I wonder if I should conform to walking like the others in this dimension. I also wonder what I look like to them or if they even know I exist in their world.

November 10, 2009

May I Clean Your Chandelier?

I went to bed early last night. My head was hurting so bad from crying so much over the break of my recent relationship with Lane. I had so many emotions wrapped up in my head that when I was falling asleep I kept hearing voices. They were the voices of many people. They were so loud and clear that they sounded as if they were in the room with me. I was so irritated because they would not shut up and they were too many voices at once to distinguish the context of the conversations.

I struggled to wake myself up to stop the voices. As I would come back into consciousness the voices would stop. I’d look around my bedroom and see the total darkness and stillness of my bedroom with only a dimmer of light coming in from the street.

Again I would close my eyes and try to fall asleep. Sleep came quickly and as the sleep paralysis would set in the voices would immediately begin. Again I’d struggle to wake up to regain control of my body to stop the voices. Each time I’d reawaken, the voices would immediately stop and I’d come to see the stillness of my bedroom. This happened several times repeatedly. The later and more tired I got and deeper I fell into sleep and the harder it became to reawaken myself to stop the voices.

I then began having false awakenings mixed in with the real awakenings. Eventually I got to the point where I would reawaken to the stillness of my room and immediately close my eyes and enter the false awakening while still fully conscious. In the false awakenings my bedroom became brighter as if I had night vision; I could see the people in my room; those responsible for the voices. There were many people present none who I recognized.

I am irritated that these people have given themselves the liberty of invading my personal space. With my arm I reach out to grab the person closest to me. I point at each person singling them out one by one to let them know I am aware of their presence and there exact location in my dream. But like ghosts my physical movements had no effect on them they simply ignored me. I swung my physical arms harder to make them aware of my disapproval. Finally surrendering to the futility of my efforts, I simply ignored them and fell deeper into the dream.

Angered by their invasion of my personal space, I decide to pick up my belongings and go home. The only belongings I have here in this dimension are a massive crystal chandelier with many fragile pieces and an avocado green upright Hoover vacuum cleaner just like the one my mom had when I was a kid. I am angry with myself. Why do I have this chandelier here in the first place? Why in the world did I remove it from my home to bring it here? The chandelier has been here for so long and uncared for that the glass is completely tarnished yet I know it still has intrinsic value worth keeping so I must take it home with me. I’m embarrassed that the crystals are so dirty from neglect. I grab a cloth sack with a draw string and place the many crystal pieces of varying lengths in the sack. I am careful so as to not break any of them. I carry the sack with caution in front of me. The vacuum cleaner is sitting on a shelf upside down in a closet. I grab it by the handle and turn it right side up and proceed to leave.

Outside is a woman sitting on the curb. I know her to be an Angel but in this dream she is without her wings appearing as a regular person. Since I am lucid, I know her too well. I recognize her even though she is appearing as a regular person her angelic qualities shine through her pale white skin. To temper her brilliance she is wearing a black pearl choker. She is playing with some of the crystals from my chandelier moving them around like chess pieces on the sidewalk. Apparently I had not retrieved all of the pieces. She brings light to the dirty pieces exposing them for all to see.

At this point I’m angry with God for exposing my vulnerabilities and my dirty crystals and the fact that some have escaped my grasp. I grab the Angel by her pearl necklace and demand the return of my crystals. Forcibly I take them from her and release her from my grasp.

I am so angry.