Author: wprbailey114

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2 O’Clock At Umber Island House

May 25, 2018

Last night as a fell asleep I found myself within a circle of men with me in the center.  The circles spread out in 3 concentric circles 3 circles deep.   I see every face of every man and understand each man to be me in every dimension of space.  I identify with a man in the 2 o’clock position in the 3rd circle.  I place myself in his awareness  to experience the circle from his vantage point.

The dream now shifts.  My awareness is taken to a place where an event is about to take place.  There are plastic picture frames with names on them representing the players involved in the event.  The frames are empty to conceal the mystery.  The event is monumental.  Similar to the day the earth stood still or the day aliens arrive to earth.    It feels like I am on the precipice of a new beginning a birth of sorts.

The island house where the event is being hosted has many services offered to it’s guests.  It is located in Long Island, New York at the tip near Nantucket.  There is one room where the lights are turned off with the exception of an under the counter night light in the corner of the room.  I walk in to find what appears to be a country store where spirits are offered to drink along with cigars.  The cigar are in small humidity controlled wooden cedar boxes.

I then woke up needing to go to the bathroom.  After returning to bed the dream continued.  I become aware of the many offerings the Island House has to offer including areas where one can mingle with others and find intimacy in sexual expression.

I meet a couple two guys who are staying at the resort.  Through the course of our stay, they share details of their lives.  I seem to be sharing a room with them.  I’m learning from these men how to be a sophisticated connoisseur of gay offerings.  I become interestingly aware that keys do not seem to have much importance here.  With this freedom, I leave my room without a concern or care for where my keys may be.  I am a bit envious of the life they lead wanting it for myself.  Oddly given I am present with them and leading a similar life I somehow feel removed from the rewards.  I know I must not envy and simply be happy for them and what they were able to achieve in their lives.  There is a part of me that knows I am dreaming.  Reasoning I am each part of the dream therefor to envy is to envy myself and my own success.  Yet I cannot separate myself from the feeling of envy.  I want what they have.

It is time to leave.  I now find myself on a beach witnessing the sunset.  I notice the distance between the shore and sky is very shallow. You can touch the sky.    I notice the texture of the sky is granulated.  The pattern in the sky changes as I watch it becoming more wave like similar to the pattern in my quilted mattress pad.  The sky is a burnt umber.  I think to myself I should grab my camera to take a picture of this beautiful sunset.   I turn to leave this place and see before me a topaz ocean with a narrow bridge people are using to cross.  The bridge is in the distance but can see the people before me crossing as shadows on the bridge.  I know it is my turn to cross over this bridge.  The ocean is turbulent but the wind assists in diffusing the ocean spray.

~~~~ END OF DREAM

 

When I fell asleep tonight I wanted to remember my dream because lately I have not been able to remember or at least was unable to put words to what I was experiencing in my dreams.  I thought about the intention and what if anything I wanted the dream to answer.  I didn’t want to ask for specifics preferring that nature take it’s course.  I decided to ask for help in decorating my yard.  I told the dream I wanted to create a Faerie Village theme where the nature spirits can dwell in the yard.  I asked for help in choosing the decorative pieces I might place in the yard and assistance with caring for the garden.

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Refuge for a Clover Dragonfly

 

I am laying in bed watching the ethers gather in what look like hands massaging clay where I am the clay.  I want to know who is placing hands on me.  I carefully time my attack targeting one of the hands like a cat getting ready to stalk it’s prey.  Snap!, I grab at the hand with precision.  When my hand grabs the etheric hand I can feel it as if it had substance and form.  The density of the hand startles me as it is not what I expected.  The shock immediately wakes me up with eyes wide open.

I close my eyes in an attempt to return to the dream.  I am with my friend Dinah when a package arrives at her door.  She accepts the package from the post master and proceeds to open it. I immediately recognize the package as one I sent.  I know the box of chocolates is within the packing box.  The packing box is one I used to pack a speaker which was left behind by an Airbnb guest.  Before she opens the package, I know it is not a speaker inside, she will find the box of chocolates which mysteriously went missing in my house.  A box to this day I have not been able to locate.  “I must have sent it to Dinah,” I hear my mind say.  She snips the last piece of tape and opens the box.  Sure enough the chocolates are inside along with some larvae.  I recognize the larvae as faerie larvae.  The larvae are undergoing their metamorphoses.  They are long and white with narrow wings.  Each has a purple and green luminescence within their body much like a dragon fly.  A man walks over and asks, ” Can I buy them from you.  We have great need for those here.  They serve a good purpose.”  To which I reply, “You can have them.”  He then replies, “Oh no they have great value. ”  “In that case give me one dollar for each,” I say.  Another man steps in and says, “Oh no, they are worth far more than one dollar.”  To which I say, “Well then how about $45 dollars.”

One of the insects stings me in in left arm burrowing its head below my skin much like a tick.  Having read how one should respond to ticks, I pull the body back stretching the neck like an umbilical cord cinching it to cut the blood supply.  I wrap the cord around the head which is still below my skin.  The eyes look back at me as if in an effort to ask for it’s protection.  I believe it will now simply come out when its ready.

My attention is now drawn to a set of windows in the distance where the government of Columbia is torturing Space Aliens.  I can see the Aliens have hands raised as if to surrender.  I only see their forearms to the tips of their fingers.  One of the aliens has three long fingers typical of aliens.  The other has five possibly an alien closer in resemblance of humans.  Both are showing sings with their fingers in an attempt to communicate a message to me.  The three fingered one has it’s fingers with the symbol of a triangle.  The other has fingers and knuckles in the symbol of clovers.  I feel compassion for the suffering of the aliens as I believe all life is sacred.  I then see a tiny alien laying rigid on a table.  He looks to be dead.  I ask if we should dispose of the body.  To which I’m told we can leave him there.  As we turn to walk away, I look back to give the dead alien a second look.  I somehow know he is simply playing dead.  He moves to signal he is OK.  I wink and feel good know he is alive.

~~~ END OF DREAM

Dragonfly Meaning

The dragonfly is generally associated with the symbolic meaning of transformation. Here are common meanings for this animal totem:

  • Change and transformation
  • Adaptability
  • Joy, lightness of being
  • Symbol of the realm of emotions, invitation to dive deeper into your feeling
  • Being on the lookout for illusions and deceits, whether are external or personal
  • Connection with nature’s spirits, fairies realms

 

Columbia also came up in my dream:  à Daris: Itsay Ouryay Assyay Ownpay

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Needling Tip Toe

May 17, 2018

My roommate who is a doctor is getting ready to move.  His wife is here with him.  He places an acupuncture needle in my right big toe.   He tells me it will help with my pain.  My memory is drawn to a time previously where I recall the benefits of acupuncture.  Believing it may help I accept the needle.  The needle slip out slightly but he assures me it won’t fall out completely until the medication is fully administered.  I return to my living room to find it is now empty of all furniture with the exception of a few dust balls remaining on the floor.  The wood floors are nicely polished.  I look around and wonder if they have stolen all my belongings.  It is refreshing to know I have a clean start.  Health alert devices are now available in the house in various formats with vibrant blue indicator lights.  I can see the kitchen sink and cabinets appear suddenly.  I wonder how they connect the plumbing or if it is just an illusion.  I am becoming aware this is a dream.  The guy in the kitchen responds to my thoughts by turning on the water to demonstrate functionality and possibly to dissuade me of the fact I am dreaming.  I suspect it may be a sound effect of water and not actual water that I hear.  I offer assistance and reach over to turn the garbage disposal on.  To my surprise, it runs. His wife walks in to hand me an  ironing board she is returning.  She indicates it was in their bedroom.  I look at the ironing board not recognizing it and say, “It is not my ironing board.”  I point to a memory of my ironing board, the one my mother had when I was a child.  She proceeds to folds the board in a way that is inconsistent with ironing boards I am familiar with, hers swivels to close.

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Purple Mountain Majesty

May 16, 2018

When I first woke up this morning I had definitely been dreaming but I simply couldn’t find words to describe what I was dreaming.  The dream simply had no words.  I quickly took advantage of the situation and decided I wouldn’t journal today.  I snoozed the alarm and proceeded to go to the bathroom returning for a precious 10 minutes left in my snooze.  I quickly fell into a dream.

I am at a large villa.  I may have lived here before.  My old bed and space are now occupied by other people possibly family members.  There are karmic impressions here left behind by my actions.  I walk through this place trying to understand the logic behind the decisions I made to create the karma.  I believe I did the things for a higher purpose.  I ponder whether I am simply trying to justify my actions because the outcomes don’t make logical sense.  In one instance, I am trying to paint my face white like the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.  The paint goes on thick nicely covering my face.  Once I’m done with the paint there is so much left over on the brush.  I look for the can to drain the remaining paint on the brush into the can.  As the paint drips into the can of white paint it becomes lavender.  The paint dripping from my brush is distinct from the paint in the can creating a pattern of lavender on white.  I  rinse my face to remove the paint and sit on the bed.  Now the paint which I discover is also on my body is getting on the bed.  I stand up and walk over to my dresser the one I have downstairs in the basement that looks like 3 books stacked on top of each other; War and Peace, A Tale of Two Cities, Gone with the Wind.  I run my hand across the top of the dresser trying to clean off the drops of paint.  The paint only spreads further.

I suddenly find myself on a mountain cliff over looking a valley.  It looks like a scene from New Mexico or Arizona.  The hills are beautiful burnt rock formations with very little vegetation.  I hear voice voice in the dream ask, “Do you know where you stand?” I question whether there is something wrong with my perception.  Is this not the way it is supposed to be?  Were the hills at one time covered in vegetation?  Were my actions the cause of the burnt hillsides?  A part of me knows there is purpose in my actions.  I have been guided by spirit in my life.  I ask is there something missing?  Is there an action left undone?  I decide to take flight not really knowing whether it is possible in this dream.  I believe it is and therefor I find myself in flight.  As my body brushes against the rim of the mountain ridge a dust is stirred.  The dust now a vibratory energy infused with the white and lavender color from before.  The lavender threads within the ethers begin to illuminate growing and transforming the hillside.  I hear birds sing.  There is more work to be done.

I now return to the villa.  I share my understanding with the people there of the events that have transpired.  They now witness the transformation. Everyone is happy with the change.  The birds sing.

~~~ DREAM END HERE

AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness.
America! America!
God mend thine ev’ry flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law.

O beautiful for glorious tale
Of liberating strife,
When valiantly for man’s avail
Men lavish precious life.
America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev’ry gain divine.

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears.
America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea.

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Zither Sweet Cream

May 15, 2018

I had a dream where I am with family.  We are getting ready to leave.  There is an ice cream machine with dulce de leche flavor.  I scoop out the remaining amount and share with those around me.  There are areas with concentrated cream that is so sweet I try saving the majority for me.  It is a lot of sugar but I it is so good I share it, keeping most of the best for me.

After leaving, we walk by an antique dealer on the street just like the one on New York Ave.  There is a beautiful baby grand piano.  It is kid sized.  There is a woman inspecting it.  She lifts the lid to expose the strings.  I ask her if it is a harpsichord.  She responds, “No its a Zither.” She then proceeds to show me how she pulls and plucks the strings.

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Hotel Heliport

I am at work and have been given an assignment to program something.  I spent time programming.  Once complete I feel good about my work.  I know it is the best quality work I can produce and … it actually accomplishes the task.

I then woke up and went to the bathroom and came back to bed and had a second dream.  This dream I understood to be an alternate version of a previous dream told with a clarifying narrative.  I feel contradiction in terms or some oxymoron.  I guess there is a moral to the story and the moral can be conveyed through various stories.

I am at a hotel / restaurant.  Where I am meeting a group of people much like an MKP warrior weekend.  I have to be checked in by the person who sponsored me to the event.  I will be sharing a room with a few others each having there own private quarters within the room.  I am here to do a job.  There is a heliport on the rooftop and my job is to control the flights that come into the port.  The helicopter must be secured because of the high winds in the area.  I am the only person assigned the role of securing the helicopter and the only person with the skill to do the job.  After the first night, I am ready to leave the hotel.  I check out of the hotel surrendering my room key at the front desk.  After doing so, I realize there are still flights coming in with no one to guide and secure them.  I realize my purpose for being here is for far more than just one night.  The need is great and I am needed to stay longer.  I head back to the front desk to see if someone recognizes me from the previous night.  I hope to explain my situation and see if I am allow back in the hotel. I ask the attendant if he remembers me to which he says, “Of course we remember you.”  I proceed to explain my error in checking out prematurely explaining I am supposed to stay longer.  He then says, “Of course we know you are supposed to stay longer.”  He tells me my reservation is permanent residence and is here whenever I need it.  He explains, “You use it all the time.”  I have one of the highest jobs here and I am the only person qualified to do the job therefore the room is always reserved for me. He hands me the key along with an envelope.    The envelope triggers me to become lucid for just a moment.  I know I must read and take back the the information contained in the envelop.  Now lucid I pause to open the envelope.  Inside is a bank statement describing a transfer of funds.  It details the balance on the mortgage which has been paid by Joe.  It is in the amount of $100,000 dollars which is also the balance owned on the mortgage.  I am happy to know I can live out the remaining years of my life without having to worry about a mortgage payment.  I have a reservation on whether to accept it or to question the amount.  It is far more than what I had asked in terms of damages and far more than what he had offered to pay originally.  I feel I can only accept it if he has given it in good faith yet I also don’t want to say anything for fear he may renege on the amount.

 

 

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A Horse is a Horse, of Course

May 11, 2018

Last night’s dream I don’t recall very much.  What I do remember is seeing the same repeating patterns over and over and over again.  I find myself gazing at beautiful blue, grey and now black shadows.  The image is presented to me much like a filmstrip in a movie theater as the credits go past the screen but instead of words they are patterns of blue, grey and black.  I associate blue and grey with OB from previous dreams and here the dream has introduced black.  The grey is comprised of what looks like patterns of leaves.  As the patterns pass by from bottom to top they invoke feelings as if generated by bubbles of emotion coming up from within me and onto the screen of my mind.  I am flooded with wonderful feelings of joy.  I am relaxed and free.  I take notice of the dream and desire knowledge on how the images are constructed.  I am able to determine a repeating pattern.  At this point the pattern stabilizes and comes into focus as moon struck images. I’ve not seen moon struck images in many years.  I can see the shadow profile of a man kissing what appears to be a horse or camel on the cheek.  I can only see the shadow of the neck and head of the animal.  He kisses and pats the horse in a sign of love, appreciation and admiration.

I  suddenly realize there is a man standing in front of me.  He wears a shaved head and face with about what would amount to a 3 day stubble all over.  I can see the man’s eyes as he looks dead set at me.  I know or am told I am the man.  Yet why would I be without a beard?  For a long time in my dreams, I was not seeing any men’s faces with beards.  I always thought it strange considering I am a lover of beards why wouldn’t my dreams hold more bearded men. I remember after coming to the awareness of it my dreams began introducing bearded men or possibly I became more aware of them. It seems strange for me to be witnessing a shift to the past as my dreams once were with moon struck images.  I sense a time shift occurring.  

DREAM ENDS HERE.

Something magical happened on this day.  The fertility clinic is requiring my GC IM to have a consultation with a MFM doctor.  She told me today that her midwife referred her to someone who she then called and made an appointment.  His name is Dr. Christmas.   What a magical coincidence.  Because the calling I had last year to do Santa was so strong.  I had so many dreams and visions with Christmas themes.  Unfortunately I wasn’t journaling during this time.  I remember having this one vision where I saw three cartoon children playing in the snow on a hill.  They were playing tumbling rolling down the hill.  As the tumbled down a windy path toward where I was the last tumble before they popped their heads up when they came up out of the snow they each had a white full Christmas beard and they all looked just like me when I was a kid.  It was so cute it just melted my heart.

I remember one dream where my bed was a sleigh ( I actually have a sleigh bed) and I was sweating under the covers and every time I moved or shifted my weight the humidity from under the sheets would rise and create snow all around us.  As we traveled on the bed my family and friends were with me on the sleigh we would make stops some in dangerous places where we had to hide under the covers.  It was hard to hide or go unnoticed because it kept snowing out of character.  Luckily the evil criminals never suspected anything believing instead that it was just an unusual anomaly.  I remember at the last stop i poked my head up from under the covers and father time with a long grey beard was sitting on the bed.

I rejected the messages that somehow I should be a Santa.  I also didn’t think I could be around children.  My self image of parenthood or Santa was so low.   Why would parents want a gay Santa?  As the holidays approached last year I began hearing the suggestion from so many friends I couldn’t hide anymore.  The universe wanted me to be a Santa.  I thought I could possibly visit nursing homes in costume (purposefully avoiding anything with children) I didn’t want to be rejected.  I ordered the costume online.  I ordered the best costume I could find with real leather boots and leather belt.  The boots literally arrived on Christmas eve.  I only wore the costume to some parties friends were having.  Although I did call some nursing home I didn’t have to courage to actually go.  Maybe this year with more time I’ll work on building on that courage.  I did get really good feedback from friends.

So I don’t know the full extent of this Christmas reference in the surrogacy process but I do know it’s all over the place.  It’s the universes intent.

 

 

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A Family By Choice

I have been wanting to look back through my dreams for times when OB might have shown up in dreams.  I’ve journaled so many dreams that I can’t possibly remember them all.  One thing I love about WordPress is the ability to search the database for key words and to organize your dreams by associating categories.  Outside of my book, this WordPress is a black hole for my dreams.  For the most part all these years I journaled them once and moved on never really returning to them.  I knew someday I would need them.  I think the day has come.

Today I reached a new mile marker in the surrogacy journey.  I met with my surrogate and her husband at the fertility clinic for some pre-screening.  This was the first time meeting her husband and the 2nd time meeting IM.  It all went amazingly well.  I am so blessed to have been matched with IM.  Thanks to IM I now have a new family by choice.  I think it is going to be a very rewarding journey.  I already know it is spirit approved because of all the faerie dust that has graced my life.  The magic is beyond words.

The desire to have a little one has been something that has haunted me for a long time.  I’ve had so many subtle nudges from spirit as to the direction my life’s mission is to be fulfilled.  So much so that I simply cannot ignore them.  I had to acquiesce.  And I say acquiesce mainly because for a long time I didn’t think it was possible.  Single gay man at 54 having a baby are you crazy?  I would have loved to do it long time ago but now?  Why was spirit pushing me to have a baby?  And the more spirit pushed me in this direction the more my own inner true desire to be a parent came to the surface.  Till I just couldn’t deny myself this gift God is about to give me.  I do know IT WILL HAPPEN.   I have so much to write on this subject.  I thought I would start by collecting all the dreams and checking their categories.  So I did a search and this is the first dream I happened to click on.  Again I am floored.  Firstly, the dream is like no other dream.  I must have had it when I was very much engrossed in dream work because of the detail within the My Mother’s Name is Penny.

I’m amazed that in this dream the span of time seems like a story from my daily life.  For a time as I read it I questioned whether it was this really a dream? So precious is the message.  I wish I knew all the answers.  Just like in the dream I sit here fascinated by the life of Penny.  I keep reading her post cards that come in with the nightly Currier; the dream.  One message I get from this dream is that OB has a mom.

 

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The Tab Is On Me

 

Last night I find myself at a bar where I have invited my friends to celebrate with me.  I am unsure what exactly I am celebrating.  Daniel Neusom (not sure where the name comes from) is the bartender.  He has expensive tastes so I know the service here can’t be cheap.  Everyone is given a round of drinks except me since I don’t care to drink.  Daniel tells me I can pay for the tab on my way out.  I didn’t think I’d be responsible for the entire bar tab when we ordered but I want everyone to have fun.  Daniel says if I am concerned about the tab I can also choose not to pay it and simply leave.  The second option doesn’t sit well with me but I do not know if I have enough to cover the tab or how much the tab is.  I’m afraid to ask as a part of me doesn’t want to know but I also don’t want to shrug my responsibility.  I ask Daniel how much it is.  He looks at the sales slips and sums it up.  $38 dollars he says.  Believing the tab to be fair I tell him to charge my card I want to close out the tab to leave.  He proceeds to do so.

I then find other areas of my life where I once had debts disappear.  Money and accounts and debts I didn’t know how to access are suddenly understood.  It is as if by addressing taking the action to address the one it allowed for everything else to shift bringing all my debts into clear understanding and allowing them now to shift and reconcile.   I now actually have a credit balance of $200 dollars after all my debts have been paid.   I feel good about myself and so relieved to be debt free.

~~~End of Dream

On a side bar, I’ll answer the question why 753.  If you noticed on my Vision Board posted to my Socks at the Kids Table , there is a space on the vision board with a mirror where I positioned myself and wrote the number 753.  This has to do with my ex Joe with whom I have been tied financially for the past 8 years to a property down in Miami Florida.  He has not been willing to sell the property to get me off the mortgage and has been very bad about paying the mortgage on time.  He has occupied the property since we split up and it was understood that he would keep up the mortgage, refinance it and get me off.  8 years and he had not done so until this month when he finally sold it but only after not making a mortgage payment on the loan for 11 months.  Needless to say he damaged my credit by doing so.  He has a pattern of making payments late.  Before his recent troubles my credit was at a decent 753.  I have stellar credit always paying my bills on time and never carrying any balances on credit cards.  I was so relieved to finally have the burden of this noose from my neck lifted.  I prayed to God and set my intention on the Vision Board to help improve my credit.  Today I checked my credit score on Credit Karma and it is now 743 just 10 point under my previous score.  I appears the bank went in and payed off the loan and removed some of the delinquencies without me asking for it.  And just like in my dream my debts were paid.  God is good.  AMEN!

 

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Cat Tail Walk

May 5, 2018

In last night’s dream I find myself looking for an Airbnb which I have reserved.  It is a shared space.  I drive around the block twice looking for the parking lot.  I am struck how my memory has full awareness of this location even though I don’t recall ever being here before.  This confusion causes me to miss the parking lot entrance even though I know exactly how to get there.  Once I put my trust in my inner voice I am able to find the parking lot.  I proceed to enter the rental unit and take a shower.  I am in the shower with my socks on yet my socks are not getting wet.  I now feel refreshed.  I return to the bedroom I believe I rented but find there are two other individuals staying in what I believe is my space.  I address the issue with the host who tells me that IS my space.  I complain I rented the space for myself and assumed the house was shared not the bed I’d sleep in.    Upset, I demand a refund.  The man tells me he will issue me a refund but he can’t do it immediately.  He can send it to me in the mail.  I feel vulnerable knowing I don’t have lodging.  I enter the three bedrooms to advise the guests about the discrepancy and injustice for them to witnesses the transaction occurring.  Like cockroaches to light the guests scatter to busy themselves.   I decide I will simply return home and consider it a loss. I feel justified in having received a refreshing shower and I’ve not lost my socks.

The parking lot sits on the top of a hill and there are steps which lead me there.  At the top of the stairs is a walkway bridge with only the side railing and nothing to walk on.  There are inner city children playing here unsupervised.  The children are fearless.  I wonder where they found the courage to do such risky things.  There is a 2 yr old crossing a bottomless bridge.  He is unafraid of falling.  He has a cat’s tail on his diaper that allows him to balance on the railing.  He has obviously done this before and is up to the challenge.  I ask where the mother is but the kids don’t yet speak so they are unable to communicate with me other than to simply acknowledge.

As I woke up I ran to the bathroom and returned to get a few more minutes of sleep.  As I closed my eyes I could see a black and white picture of me.  The image came in closer and closer such that I could see the fine pixels which looked like rice.

Symbolism of Rice

Rice is an ancient symbol of wealth, success, fertility and good health. It is powerful.  Tossing rice at the end of the ceremony is meant to symbolize rain, which is said to be a sign of prosperity, fertility and good fortune.