February 9, 2019
I wasn’t happy with last night’s dream so I wasn’t sure if I was going to journal it but I decided to do it anyway. In the dream, I am with my ex Joe down in Miami. We are going through the normal challenges of life. Days pass and we seem to get out of touch with each other until one day I realize I haven’t showered with him in a very long time. I have a longing within me for intimacy but I seem to simply be moving through life from one place to another unable to pause for a moment to enjoy it with anyone. The pain of loneliness strikes me today in a way that it hasn’t before so I pause to see if Joe has taken a shower already. When he passes by me, I can see his hair is combed and styled nicely and still looks wet. There is another guy “a friend” in our house who has been visiting for a long time. I notice he too has his hair nicely styled and looking wet. I ask Joe if they showered together, to which he replies, “Yes.”
I am angry at him for cheating on me and angry at myself for not having asked for what I want. I grab Joe by the neck and tell him this does not work for me. I tell him it is over. Our friend who is now presumably his boyfriend is now angry at me claiming stake to our home. He has installed microwave lights in the ceiling with the intent on slowly causing me to have cancer and die. I am clued in on his plot to destroy my life. They are simply waiting for the effects of the radiation to kill me so they can live out their lives.
There is not much I can do but I remember … there is one thing; I can pray. I open my palms up toward the radiant light coming from the ceiling and pray that it pass through me and reflect back justice on those who might want to cause harm to me. I believe justice with prevail. I remain standing unaffected by the cancer causing light. Joe and our friend are forced to leave and I remain in the house alone.
~~~~~~~ DREAM ENDS
As in the dream sometime I feel cheated in life because I don’t have a relationship and I find myself alone. It also occurred to me that I can’t simply pray for justice i have to pray for the things that matter to me. I have to ask for what I want.