August 3, 2018
Last night I had a dream where I am in a line of people not quite sure what we are waiting for. I am with my mother who is old and in a wheel chair. I am protecting her. Along the path where we walk are cutouts small rooms with 3 walls. Occasionally people pause while they wait in line to reflect on what each room holds. While standing in line your vision is restricted to the cutout room directly in front of you. I am standing in front of my mom. It is has been my belief we are at the end of the line whoever I become aware of a man who has been standing behind my mom. I have missed noticing him because he has been engaged in each of the rooms as the line has moved. I on the other hand have been waiting in line with my mom not entering the cutouts. To satisfy my curiosity who might be standing behind my mom I walk behind her now in a position to see into the cutout where the man stands. I discover the man in the room is Michael. My second partner. He looks amazingly beautiful. All the reasons I fell in love with him come rushing back. His hair glistens in the light of the sun and his beard seems to reflect the rays of the sun. Yet even with all this love for him I feel I need to scold him for his actions. I somehow feel he might have done some wrong against my mother. I want him to know I stand to protect my mom. I also feel he has hurt me. A part of me if mad over the pain he has created in my life.
As I stand there in discussion with him, I begin to become aware of the dream. Knowing I’m in a dream now I look at “Michael” and wonder what else might he be here to represent. With my mind focused on OB and feeling the love deep within me. I can feel it radiating out warmly by the sun reflecting off his golden hair.
My alarm rings and I wake up to snooze it. I quickly close my eyes trying desperately to return to the dream. My inner eye now sees cartoon characters. These are very similar to yesterday’s except these appear to be presented for a mature audience. The characters are dressed in cartoon suits, some I notice look like formal wear. They seem to be gathering for a celebration. I see their cartoon hair is black and well presented with clear delineation and distinction. They appear to be happy and proud. My alarm rings a second time.
~~~~~~ DREAM ENDS
As I was journalling my dream and describing the cutout rooms I had a very strong feeling that each room represented a day in my life. I seem to be stuck not engaging fully in each day because I am attached to the idea that I must care for my mother. My mother in her wheel chair seemed unable to enjoy each day either. I was unaware of Michael’s nearby presence because he was in engaged in life. There is also the idea that I’m stuck in the past possibly morning the past. I can’t see love in today.